It might be hard for people who don’t live here to imagine this, but New Yorkers bump into people they know all of the time. Sure, it’s a BIG city. But it’s also just a collection of neighborhoods.
This morning, as I was out fetching milk (for my coffee), I bumped into a guy I went out with a few times. Or rather, I saw him from across the street and moved quickly so that he wouldn’t see me. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk (pre coffee and all).
And then I got home and had my coffee and started to think about how the story of me and him (there was never an “us”) is a pretty great example of how timing really is everything. He and I met online. He approached me and we moved pretty fast (lots of emails, phone calls, etc). My first impression of him was that he was gorgeous and perhaps a bit too pretty for my taste (I’m really not into the pretty boys, for lots of reasons) but also pretty damn smart and successful. And we seemed to have the exact same taste in just about everything. Seriously – music, art, travel, theater, how we like to spend our free time. It was the first time I’ve ever met someone who seemed to like exactly what I liked. And that was kinda neat.
Anyway, our first date was coffee at an outdoor cafe on a beautiful sunny afternoon. It went well, but it was “off”. As much as we had to talk about, and as objectively hot as I knew he was, I wasn’t all that attracted to him and I got the sense that he wasn’t all that attracted to me. The chemistry just wasn’t there. But at the end of the date he asked if he could see me again and I couldn’t think of a good reason to say no (hanging with him was fun and easy). He emailed the next day and we made plans to get dinner at one of the better restaurants in my/our neighborhood (oh, yeah, and he lives near me).
Sometime in between the first date and the second date I met the man that would become my last serious boyfriend (aka, the evil ex-boyfriend, aka M). And he and I had 2 dates, 2 days in a row. And I knew by the end of date 2 that I wasn’t interested in any other men. But I kept the date (it was the day after my 2nd date with M). And it was great. We laughed a lot and had a great conversation and, honestly, if I hadn’t just met M it might have been the start of something. Might have…
Within days, me and M were in full relationship mode. I was meeting his friends and visiting him at work. And when this guy emailed about a 3rd date, I sent him a reply telling him how much I enjoyed meeting him and that I really meant that but that I’d met a guy – a boyfriend. And he replied with best wishes.
Jump ahead to months after M and I split up. I reactivated my online dating account. One of the first people I hear from is this guy. He sent me an email to my personal account and we started chatting again and made plans pretty much right away to meet for drinks at a local bar. And it was great. He was the perfect person to go on my first date post break up with. He made it so easy, And suddenly, I started to think that maybe there could be some chemistry hiding there.
The next morning he emailed, inviting me over to his place for a home cooked meal later that week. Now, as I’ve mentioned before, when a guy invites me over to his place I consider it code for “I’d like to see you naked”. I accepted the invitation, but honestly, I was stressed as hell about it. He and I had only seen each other once, recently. The other 2 dates were pre break-up/relationship with someone who, truth-be-told, I wasn’t 100% over. I felt rushed. But I thought he was a great guy and I wanted to see how things worked out with us. I wanted there to be an us.
Then, the morning of the date, I got an email from him cancelling. He’d met someone else. He was sorry, blah blah blah (all the things I said to him) but he wasn’t the kind of guy to juggle women. And that was a year and half ago and he hasn’t yet returned to online dating. At least, none of the sites I use.
So when I saw him this morning, me looking like something a cat just spit up, I avoided him. For no good reason other than that I think of him as someone who I could’ve maybe had a relationship with if things worked out differently. Maybe I should’ve picked him over M, way back when. Most women would have (better looking, more accomplished…). But I went with chemistry.
Or maybe everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. Yeah, that’s probably it. And I probably need another cup of coffee.
Tags: chemistry, Hot, Naked, nyc, timing