Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Weird Facts

Every once and a while I end up being my dad’s date for dinner.  It’ll be me and him and several couples his age.  People he would have gone to dinner with with my mom if she were still alive (She passed away less than a year ago, and so we’re still transitioning.  Figuring out what life is going to be like without her.).  He gets invited to go out to those dinners without me, but I don’t think he accepts the invites all that often.  Sure, he’ll go out with one couple.  Or two.  But not with a whole table.

I totally get it.  It sucks to be the only single person at a table.  It makes whatever lonliness you feel feel 20x worse.  Even if you’ve known everyone at the table for years.

And so I try to make myself available to him as an on-call date as often as I can.  He doesn’t live that far away.

Anyway, coversations during those dinners always veer towards what everyone’s kids and grandkids are doing.  Which is odd for me because everyone’s kids are my age.  I grew up with most of them.  And some of them have teenaged children.  It’s at that point during the dinners that I just sit there and play with my food.

You see, the weird fact (of today’s title) is that everyone I grew up with is and has kids.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  As far as I know.  Truth is, I didn’t really keep in touch with too many people.

My closest friend in high school married her high school sweetheart.  He’s the only man she’s ever had sex with.  Only. Ever.  They’ve been together for over 20 years.  20 YEARS!!!!

I come from a fairly conservative family and had a completely conventional upbringing.  Which means that, back when I was a kid, I probably thought that I’d meet some awesome guy and get married and have kids and do all of the things that normal girls did.

It wasn’t until I got to college and out into the larger world, started to travel and meet people from different backgrounds that I realized that I could choose a different path for myself.  And I did.  I chose this path.  I chose to take a couple of years to screw around right after college and spend some of that time abroad.  And then I went to grad school. And then I spent years building a that I was pretty proud of.  And then I decided to make a giant change and now I’m doing this.  Whatever this is.

The marriage thing, well, I started to think of it a few years ago.  When I was in a place in my last career where I felt like I could breathe (I’m guessing there are some women reading this who can relate).  But the kids thing didn’t/still doesn’t seem realistic to me.  Mainly because of my health stuff.  I talked to my doctors and they’ve told me it’s not impossible.  But the route to possible sucks.  So I took that off the table years ago.  And once that was off the table, the marriage thing seemed like less of a big deal.

So there.  Now you know a lot more about me.

Why all this?  Why today?  Well, I read something that someone wrote about me.  The tone was very, “she seems OK, but I’d never want to end up like her”. And I just wanted to set the record straight.  I didn’t end up this way.   I’ve been on this path for a long-ass time (and in case you’re wondering, I’m not filled with regrets).

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8 to “Weird Facts”

  1. bellaressa says:

    Everyone has a different path, some involves children and husband, some want a career, husband, and children, while other people just want a career, some may want that career and to travel and have a great group of friends. The point is everyone has a path and your path may be different from someone elses but it may not be the path for them and vice verse. I think you have a great life. You are living each day, you may have draw backs with your health sometimes but you can pay your bills, you have food and socialize. It may not be what someone else wants but it’s right for you and there is no need for you to apologize and explain to someone who is close minded.

  2. LPS says:

    Very true and succinctly put. Society puts too much emphasis on getting married and having kids. It is pretty weird when all your childhood buddies have tied the knot and reproduced. I’m going through that myself. I end up toying with my food too, smiling, nodding and trying not to look bored.

    Once you take kids off the agenda, there leaves many other wonderful options, including being marriage-free and child-free. In my somewhat conventional opinion, if one doesn’t want kids, it takes the pressure off (and even the incentive to) getting married. If I were to have kids, I’d prefer to be married, rather single. That’s just me.

    A lot of people would say you’re very lucky, minus the health battles and the sad, recent passing of your mum. (I’m sorry for that). But you’re lucky because you work on your own terms, you date on your own terms, you’re in tune with your strengths and weaknesses, you’re honest to yourself, you’re bright, capable, and I’m sure a wonderful friend and confidant to those around you, and onsugar says you’re rated the number 1 blogger for your dating blog. No wonder! Your writing is very addictive. So tell those miserable fusspots to stick that in their pipes and smoke it! :)

  3. CharlieHipHop says:

    Everybody “ends up” the same way: dead.

    Why wouldn’t you be happy with where you are in life? You’ve got a very successful blog from the looks of it. If it makes you more comfortable, tell people you’re an online publisher when they ask.

  4. VeganD says:

    GREAT entry – thank you for sharing, and baring 😉

    Do you aspire to your own LTR? I’m uncertain, though seems like 70% yes from the entries I’ve read so far.

  5. Susan Mercedes says:

    Cheers! You’re human.

  6. Veka says:

    Good for you, Simone.

  7. Singlegal says:

    End up this way? WTF? People are so WEIRD sometimes. Why do they think their way is the “best” way – because it’s “different”? I know I’m a mystery to my family – only one not married, only one with no kids. I know they wonder when I’ll get there again. And I think they have zero concept of anything beyond these societal normals. But in truth, I don’t mind being the one to rock the boat. And I never will!

  8. Simone Grant says:

    I realized after I’d hit send that this post might have been a bit defensive. I didn’t feel defensive when I was writing it. I really just wanted to explain to people that there were actually people who might choose lifestyles like mine.
    Thanks so much bellaressa, you put it perfectly. We all have different paths…
    Thanks darling (and thank you). I always find it so shocking how much pressure society puts on people to live a certain way. Especially when there are so many unhappy people living that way. I dont’ know…
    Favorite comment of the month, darling “Everybody “ends up” the same way: dead.” And SO true!
    Thanks darling. Yes, I’d like a LTR. Very much so. But it needs to be right. My last serious relationship was over a year ago and that was very wrong, on just about every level (I realize in hindsight – we were very happy in the beginning). I think I know enough about myself and what I need to avoid wrong relationships. And would be perfectly happy to stay single if the right guy/relationship didn’t come along.
    Susan and Veka – Thanks ladies
    Like you I’ve never minded being an outlier. I guess it just shocks me a little bit to see myself framed as one, still. Because I see my life as pretty normal. It’s stunning to me that there are people (from my culture, not from a culture that is more conservative) who look at me and think – I don’t want to end up like her.