Every once and a while I end up being my dad’s date for dinner. It’ll be me and him and several couples his age. People he would have gone to dinner with with my mom if she were still alive (She passed away less than a year ago, and so we’re still transitioning. Figuring out what life is going to be like without her.). He gets invited to go out to those dinners without me, but I don’t think he accepts the invites all that often. Sure, he’ll go out with one couple. Or two. But not with a whole table.
I totally get it. It sucks to be the only single person at a table. It makes whatever lonliness you feel feel 20x worse. Even if you’ve known everyone at the table for years.
And so I try to make myself available to him as an on-call date as often as I can. He doesn’t live that far away.
Anyway, coversations during those dinners always veer towards what everyone’s kids and grandkids are doing. Which is odd for me because everyone’s kids are my age. I grew up with most of them. And some of them have teenaged children. It’s at that point during the dinners that I just sit there and play with my food.
You see, the weird fact (of today’s title) is that everyone I grew up with is married and has kids. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. As far as I know. Truth is, I didn’t really keep in touch with too many people.
My closest friend in high school married her high school sweetheart. He’s the only man she’s ever had sex with. Only. Ever. They’ve been together for over 20 years. 20 YEARS!!!!
I come from a fairly conservative family and had a completely conventional upbringing. Which means that, back when I was a kid, I probably thought that I’d meet some awesome guy and get married and have kids and do all of the things that normal girls did.
It wasn’t until I got to college and out into the larger world, started to travel and meet people from different backgrounds that I realized that I could choose a different path for myself. And I did. I chose this path. I chose to take a couple of years to screw around right after college and spend some of that time abroad. And then I went to grad school. And then I spent years building a career that I was pretty proud of. And then I decided to make a giant change and now I’m doing this. Whatever this is.
The marriage thing, well, I started to think of it a few years ago. When I was in a place in my last career where I felt like I could breathe (I’m guessing there are some women reading this who can relate). But the kids thing didn’t/still doesn’t seem realistic to me. Mainly because of my health stuff. I talked to my doctors and they’ve told me it’s not impossible. But the route to possible sucks. So I took that off the table years ago. And once that was off the table, the marriage thing seemed like less of a big deal.
So there. Now you know a lot more about me.
Why all this? Why today? Well, I read something that someone wrote about me. The tone was very, “she seems OK, but I’d never want to end up like her”. And I just wanted to set the record straight. I didn’t end up this way. I’ve been on this path for a long-ass time (and in case you’re wondering, I’m not filled with regrets).
Tags: career, married, sex stats