Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Stuff I Learned Cruising For Chicks

So last week I spent some time cruising for chicks.  And let me tell you, that was funny.  Women can be just as silly as men, and in some ways WAY sillier.

I think the thing that surprised me the most was just how many women were overtly looking for a sugardaddy (even if they wouldn’t admit to that under questioning).  I’d say a good 15% of the women whose profiles we looked at stated a lofty minimum salary requirement for the men they were interested in meeting (lofty compared to theirs).

Now, if I were a guy, I would never date one of those chicks.  I’d be kind of repulsed by the way the women were saying, “I want a guy who earns 3x my salary”.    But I’ve talked to two different guys about this in the past week and neither of them seems bothered by that at all.  Huh?  What gives?  Are guys now cool with women coming right out and saying, “I’m only going to like you if you have money”?

Please tell me I’m not the only one who finds this a little odd.

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21 to “Stuff I Learned Cruising For Chicks”

  1. Susan Mercedes says:

    It is so odd to me too. Those men have a warped understanding of what is attractive. They think money gains a woman’s attention. Those women aren’t really looking for love. It all makes me want to throw up.

    I once saw a great slogan: Men aren’t an acceptable form of a bank account.

  2. alfabeta says:

    I have a similar issue. I wouldn’t date a woman that is only making a 3rd of my salary – unless she is a student. I like to date women that are financially equal to me. And if someone makes just a 3rd of my salary there must be something wrong as in not smart or educated enough to make a decent living.

  3. Cute~Ella says:

    Odd, but there are men who will be happy to be dated for their money if they have the “right” girl on their arm…

  4. lostplum says:

    at least these girls somewhat admit to it, even if not saying it right out loud. It’s not as bad as the women who use a man for his money. They might not have started or gone into the relationship for the money, but they sure do love the benefits of the money, and def. take advantage of that!

  5. Simone Grant says:

    -Susan Mercedes
    Funny that, “men aren’t an acceptable form of a bank account”. I can’t speak for all or any guys, but I think in my friend’s cases their attitude was that their financial success was a part of who they were (much like a pretty woman’s looks was a part of who she was) and if that made them “more attractive” to some women they didn’t see the harm, as women are naturally attracted to security. I, however, do see the harm. If I were a financially successful man I wouldn’t want to date a woman who was screening for rich guys.
    So you are basically doing what those women are doing, screening for income? I just don’t get it. I’ve never taken a guy’s income into consideration (although I must say, I’m kinda over the starving artists).
    On that note, I was doing some research for a project last week and there are more than 5 websites that do sugardaddy matchmaking online. Yuck.
    Yeah, I guess there is something to be said for the honesty of it. No one is lying to anyone. I do like truth.

  6. starangel82 says:

    I’m not surprised by this anymore. I think it’s tacky to say, “I only want you if you make ‘x’ amount of money.” But… on the other hand like lostplum said, there is a certain honestly to it. I guess if both parties are okay with it then who am I to judge?

  7. URwingman says:

    In a world where the economy is poor, jobs are scarce and people are desperate for finding streams of financial security, it’s no surprise to me that women are being upfront about wanting a guy that has money, regardless of their reason.

    As a guy, I don’t mind making more than my girl but I don’t want it to be the reason why she’s with me. I don’t want to be with someone who’s dependent on me. If I want someone to be dependent on me, I’ll have children.

    But like lostplum said, the truth is out there. It’s at the man’s (or woman’s for that matter) risk at that point.

  8. angelbaby2 says:

    how many of these men would like a woman who makes more money than they do? food for thought.

  9. aguy says:

    I do okay, but am not like making six figures or anything … but some of my guy friends do, and they absolutely see their success as part of who they are. It is just one more thing they can use to attract women. And I think to some degree we guys expect most women care about this. As one of my female friends once said, if you’re going to be online dating, why not be practical about it?

    Angelbaby, I’ve dated (not seriously) women who’ve made a lot more than I do. Corporate lawyers mostly. It only bothered me in the sense that I worried they might be looking down on me a little bit or wouldn’t take me seriously, etc.

  10. alfabeta says:

    I am not screening for income, I am just not interested in dating women who make significantly less than me.

  11. DentalBabe says:

    alfabeta~ Apparently you are kind of an ass!

  12. aguy says:

    Wow, you are kind of judgmental and pissy DentalBabe!

    I don’t think it’s that unusual not to want to date people who make a lot less than you do. I mean, for most people dating someone who made a third of your salary would mean a real reduction in their standard of living. Either they’d have to forgo the things (vacations, restaurants, etc) they normally do or go alone. Not everyone can afford to pay for their partner all the time!

    That said, the girl I’m dating does make a whole lot less than me… but she’s also 14 years younger than me, so it’s a little different. 😉

  13. teqsailor says:

    If we look at it from a practical stand point and a woman is seeking to be a homemaker then it only makes sense to want to date a man who can support her. As a guy, I think it depends on why the woman is interested in my income. If it’s how many shiny things I can buy her then she’s not worth it, however if it’s a question of the security of a potential future family it makes more sense. To an extent I think all women consider their potential partner’s earning capacity. Until we can change biology it remains a relevant issue within a relationship and eventually within a marriage if that’s the ultimate goal.

  14. DentalBabe says:

    aguy…I am neither judgmental or pissy. I just thought alfabeta’s comment was rude as hell. Just because someone doesn’t make a lot of money does not mean they are not smart. People need to think that maybe, possibly, there are many reasons why someone does what they are doing. There is more to life than money!

  15. aguy says:

    Okay, DentalBabe, I guess he hit a nerve with that “not smart or educated enough to make a decent living” comment? Okay, sure, I know a few smart, educated people who don’t make much money at all as they do artistic/musical things (or just potter about as an underachiever); point taken.

    Anyway, I think he’s saying what HE wants in a mate; he’s not telling other people how they should live their lives. We all put our own value on money …

  16. BetterNow says:

    Even if a man does make a “acceptable” salary, that doesn’t mean they are willing to spend their money. I dated a guy who was very successful but he also held onto every penny he made since his first part-time job at a grocery store. Not that I minded, I was in love and money didn’t matter to me. Money-talk is personal and I feel no need to get into that with any of the guys I date.

  17. sparklytosingle says:

    alfabeta – I am not pissed off by your comment, just intrigued by your rationale. How can you say you don’t screen for income if you’re not interested in dating someone who makes significantly less than you?

  18. Simone Grant says:

    Whoa – didn’t see this going where it did. OK, diving in.
    Starangel, no, I’m not at all surprised by it. And given the fact that there are actually a couple of books out now that encourage women to marry for money, I’d expect to see more of it. I’m not judging other people’s choices. I just feel like if I were the guy in that situation (a guy who earned a nice living) I wouldn’t want to date a woman who said on her online profile that she would only date guys who earned over a set amount because I’d never trust her motives. I tend to date guys who don’t list income. Or if they do, I don’t notice. I certainly don’t use it as a screening factor.

    URWingman- Well, you just brought up my point. Even with everyone being truthful, how would you ever know?

    angelbaby2 – Again, I can’t speak for other guys, but I know that of the 2 men I questioned about this, one of them has an ex who made even more than he did (by a mile). He was cool with it. But then, he’s my friend, so he’s cool.

    alfabeta – I’m not judging your decision. But not wanting to date women who make significantly less than you IS screening for income. AND – I started my professional career in a field where just about eveyone had Masters degrees (most of us from good schools). And we were poor. Really poor. I made the decision to take a promotion and make more money… But many of my colleagues continued on in poverty. They’re some of the smartest people I’ve ever met and I know lots of ppl with PhDs in all sorts of random shit and plenty of CEOs who think they’re brilliant. I find it hard to believe that there are still people who believe that income is an indicator of intelligence.

    aguy – I’m getting pretty damn tired at constantly reminding you of the house rules.

    teqsailor- welcome to the blog. I completely understand your point. So, are you saying that you’d be comfortable with a woman openly screening for wealthy men?

    Dentalbabe – I agree that his comment was rude as hell, but please try to be nicer the next time you point something like that out. I’m trying really hard to eliminate the mean comments.

    BetterNow- I agree 100% that this is info that is no ones business while dating. But in online dating there is a box for income. I don’t fill it out and love it when men choose not to. But some women put minimum salary requirements for the men they wish to meet (as do men, I guess).

  19. DentalBabe says:

    No problem!

  20. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    Gah! I’m way late to this topic, unfortunately!

    I’m going to side with the women. While I think it’s shallow to select a mate primarily based on financial assets, which some women do, I think it’s equally shallow to select a mate primarily based on beauty and youth, which some men do. I’m sure there are many individual exceptions to this rule, but in general, women weigh income potential more heavily than looks and youth, and men weigh looks and youth more heavily than income potential. The day that men stop favoring tall, curvacious blondes under 25 is the day that I’ll say women should stop favoring guys who are pulling in comfortable salaries.

    Also, I just have to distinguish between people who are only on the lookout for wealth or beauty and people who hope for that in addition to more important traits. It’s horrifying to me when someone’s sole objective is cash or “hotness” but much less so when he or she finds cash or “hotness” desirable but wouldn’t want them if love wasn’t part of the package.

  21. Simone Grant says:

    Sorry, I was hoping that he’d answer you. I guess alfabeta tired of the conversation.
    I completely understand where you are coming from and pretty much agree with you wholeheartedly. I guess with me the issue is that I’d want to know if someone liked me for my money or for me (if I were the guy in question). I’m an attractive (but not SuperHOT) woman but I’ve always been made uncomfortable when I feel like men like me a little bit too much for my looks.