Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Something Old, Something New (A Response and More)

Yesterday afternoon’s post triggered an interesting wave of comments.  I’m not going to be able to get to all of them right now(I will, I promise. It’s just been a rough week.).

As I read them, the thing that stuff in my head was that perhaps I didn’t do a good job of explaining myself.  Honestly, I wrote it very quickly.  More of an update on the situation than anything else.

So, yes, it was a great date.  And that was wonderful.  But so what?  I also had major concerns about dating (another) guy who spends half his time out of town. I wrote about that in my initial post (that I always date men who are either emotionally or physically unavailable).  I’m not sure that’s something I’d be willing to do again for even a great guy.  Honestly, I deserve/want someone who is there for me.

It was a good date.  A few hours with someone I thought I could like.

And nothing more.

Which brings me to this.  An old post I wrote last August.  After another great :

Is Bad

I had a good date last night. Really good. We first connected online a few weeks ago. I winked at him. Yeah, I know, are cheap and pathetic. It’s not that I’m too cheap to send a message (I’m currently using a site that has a pay per message plan. I promise to dedicate several future entries to the different dating sites and their pros and cons.). I’m just tired of making the effort of writing a message only to be ignored. I don’t take it personally. I don’t think it has anything to do with me. I’m a strong, quirky, 38 yr old woman looking for a LTR. Lots of guys aren’t interested in any of those things regardless of what they say in their profile.

Click here to read the rest of the post.

As to everything else…

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8 to “Something Old, Something New (A Response and More)”

  1. DentalBabe says:

    Wow. Just read your post from last August. So interesting to me that others think the same way I do about a great date. Yes, WHEN do you get to start hoping? It’s so unusual to meet a guy that you are REALLY attracted to on different levels. It’s almost impossilbe not to hope after a first date with one. I guess hope isn’t bad, but it sure sucks having it then having everything fall apart. I suppose we are always full of some form of hope, or we wouldn’t be dating at all?

  2. bobbybobbyboy says:

    You know what struck me about this post? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been told, or have read from different guys saying that they’re tired of their messages being ignored. This is actually the first time I’ve heard it from a lady!

  3. Anonymous says:

    not sure what the point of this past post was, but all i hear is that it is one year later and now you are pushing 40 and still dating?!?!? you are a dater. not a relationship person. not a girlfriend and not a wife. funny how someone refered to me as a man. i am a woman. and i am single. but i was married for 11 years. i have 2 tweens. i am happily single and dating for 3 years. i have had 2 longer term relatiionships ( 1 year each) so my life is very much “fullfilled”. i am looking for “the one”……. or the next one. i love on line dating although i see and meet the male versions of you. maybe thats what fuels my aggression. so many 40 something, never married people. they date, and date and wonder why they are not in relationships?!?! ask me, and i will tell you why………..

  4. Anonymous says:

    I agree with you Anonymous. Simone doesn’t seem to be a relationship person. For every date she is writing about in this blog, there is always a “but”. And she said many times that she is not really into compromises either.
    I hope I am wrong though. Once they hit 40, it will be more and more difficult to find a man unless they are willing to date men past their 60s – and Simone is also not into that.
    And then there is this blog. She LOVES to write about her dates, in every possible detail. I wonder what would happen if any of the guys she is/was dating find out about this blog.
    She is also into “open” relationships, i.e. dating multiple men at the same time. Come on! What guy who is seriously interested would go for that? She is not in her 20s anymore – those youngsters might go for that.
    I wish her luck finding her true love…

  5. bbbex says:

    Meow. I think you two need a saucer of milk.

  6. Simone Grant says:

    I work towards something I jokingly call qualified hope. I let myself get hopeful, but I know that the foundation under that is weak. The guy from that old post. He turned out to be a waste of time (search for Necking Guy). A decent man but issues like you wouldn’t believe (most of which I didn’t mention here on the blog because I was always hoping he/we could get past them.

    Anyway, I date with an open heart. But my mind knows that the likelihood of meeting someone is wonderful and then making it work with that wonderful person is slim.

    Yes – men and women. We’re not that different.

    “pushing 40” – what a lovely phrase. It’s always used as an insult. I’m 39. And in 10 months I’ll be 40. And 41 after that. Most of the guys I date are in their 40s though lately I’ve had lots of guys in their 30s asking me out and so I’m trying to be open to it (even though I’d rather stick to older guys). I’ll guess that someone assumed you were a man because most the rude, aggressive and completely tone deaf (with poor spelling and grammar) people who comment on this blog are male. I’m not particularly interested in your “why” as you’ve shown yourself to be insensitive and uninterested in details.
    -Anon # 2 (really, 2 of you – sure)
    Actually, I leave most of the juicy details of my dates out (as many readers have complained). I do so so that when I meet someone I care about he won’t be embarrassed by what I’ve written about him( I would not continue to date someone for months and keep this from him). A couple of the guys I’ve dated have found this blog. The world did not end. Nor did the blog.

    As to my interest in open relationships, I am quite happy to stop dating and my long-time readers will recall that I immediately stop dating other men when I start to sleep with someone new (as I did with Mr. Potential). But in the LONG TERM, I see monogamy as something most couples fail at. And most men agree with me on this.

    Please keep your nasty attitude off my blog. It makes others not want to participate in the conversation.

    I was thinking they could use some xanex.

  7. Anonymous says:

    What nasty attitude? I think you just can’t deal with direct criticism.

  8. Simone Grant says:

    Like I said, tone deaf. Several readers complained about your attitude. You are welcome to comment here, just keep your attitude in check. If you are unable to do so, I will delete your comments in the future.