Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Learning to Read

Without giving too much away, Lostplum and I have been working (with varying levels of diligence) on a couple of new projects together.  One of them is (Hey, New Yorkers, have you gotten your tickets yet?  Guys, we haven’t forgotten about you.  You can come to the party on the 13th.*)

The other one is more techie and so therefore we need help. Lots and lots of help.  We’re smart women, but not no so much when it comes to things technical.  Luckily, we made an awesome friend.   TheBOy’s been doing all of the techie/smart work on the project (we’re still not sure why he would volunteer for such a task.  One of us must have earned some good karma, somehow.).

Last night, as part of the project we started to look through pages and pages of women’s online profiles.  TheBOy was pretty quiet while me and Lostplum completely disected them.  It seems that we were seeing all kinds of information in the profiles that he was missing.  ALL KINDS of information. What was obvious to us was not so obvious to him.

Anyway, I mention this because it makes me wonder if this is typical.  I think it probably is.  I think a lot of men are missing the rather unsubtle clues that women are putting in their profiles.  And maybe vice versa.  And maybe that’s another reason people have such frustrating experience with .

*The party on the 13th has been cancelled.


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4 to “Learning to Read”


  1. sparklytosingle says:

    Like what? I’m curious what you and Lostplum were able to read into a profile that TheBOy didn’t catch. Maybe you could do a post with an example?

  2. SpikeTheLobster says:

    There are three things I’ve always told girlfriends. Two are the things they must never try to change – my hair (it was loooong back then) and the way I dress.

    The other is “Always be blunt. I don’t get hints. Hints are like mosquitoes landing on an elephant. If you want something, tell me. If you like something, tell me. If you hate something, tell me. Don’t drop hints and expect me to get them, because I don’t speak Bizarre Girlie Obvious-To-Me Language.”

    I’m not alone, I don’t think – most men simply don’t get hints because we listen to what’s said. Listening to what isn’t said is illogical, because it wasn’t said. And illogical just doesn’t work for men. It’s like pretending there’s 47 shades of orange. It’s just orange to a man.

  3. Simone Grant says:

    -sparklytosingle
    Thank you for the suggestion. I’m going to have to put that in the good idea pile. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I’ll find time to write about some of the things that were obvious to us and no so obvious to him.
    -Spike
    What a great analogy re the shades of orange. Yes, women and men see some things very differently. And sometimes women assume men will pick up hints – and that is a very foolish thing for us to do.

  4. browolf says:

    clearly he volunteered to get his hands on first hand insider knowledge :p

    it’s probably something to do with the more logical nature of men and the more emotional nature of women.

    Reading “between the lines” is kind of what Malcolm Gladwell calls “thin slicing” in his book blink ~ Interpreting minimal amounts of information. women seem to be inclined to read more into things and guys less. The best dating site would be one that took this kind of thing into account. I think people have a frustrating experience with online dating because in a way most/all sites/systems are completely oblivious to well-known inherently problematic cognitive behaviour.