Sometimes it must seem like I keep these laundry lists of every awful guy I ever dated and every horrible thing they did, to which I keep referring back to. I don’t mean it to seem like that. I’m just an unusually reflective person and have a habit (maybe it’s a bad habit) of rethinking (over and over) the things that went wrong and right in each of my past relationships.
And sometimes I hit upon things that I should’ve, could’ve done differently. And hopefully will do differently in the future. Maybe save myself some heartache.
On Monday, I posted Don’t Catch the “Rebound” Guy by Maya Contreras. Maya’s an awesome writer and a very wise woman. The post got me to rethink a couple of my past relationships and why they were the way they were.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have exes who know about this blog. And so I frequently censor myself. Not a lot. But just a little. Just enough to make my life a little easier (quite frankly, it’s fucking hard enough as it is). This is going to be one of those cases where I tell you the truth, the whole truth about what happened, but I’m not going to connect it to the specific ex (so no links). I guess that’s wimpy of me, but it’s what feels right.
It was our first date and I knew I liked him pretty much right away. Not within minutes. Honestly, the physical attraction wasn’t there instantly. But after sitting and talking with him for a half hour I knew. There was something strong there, But also something troubling. He kept mentioning his ex-wife. By name. Over and over. Not once or twice. Lots of times. I counted ten mentions of her name by the end of the date.
Everything I knew about men and relationships told me that this was trouble. But I liked him. And he tossed her name around so casually. Like she was his sister. And they’d been together for over a decade, that’s a big transition. I started to rationalize, started to see it as not a big deal. By the end of the date it came out that she was already living with someone new, and somehow, in my mind, that made everything OK. She’d moved on and he seemed happy for her.
It didn’t occur to me that I was his rebound girl. And that I’d be crushed by it.
Tags: exes, first date, rebound