Online dating. Everywhere I look there seems to be people talking and writing about online dating (I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad omen for Cupcakes & Cupid. Time will tell.). Last week Jezebel questioned whether there was still a stigma attached to online dating. I think there most definitely is not, and wrote about it here. Then last night, Bonny Albo, About.com’s dating diva asked the same question on Twitter.
This week’s question from Jezebel is not, is there a stigma, but rather does it work? I really liked this article, btw, because it gets at two of the major complaints that people have about online dating. 1) There are two many choices. 2) It’s too time consuming.
They site studies and research showing that some users are overwhelmed by the number of choices out there, much the way some people become overwhelmed in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. I can understand, on a theoretical level, how this happens. But not on a practical one.
I never spend more than 2 minutes in the cereal aisle. I know what kind of cereal I like. I don’t always get the exact same kind. I might try a different brand or a slightly different mixture/grain. But I’m not going to switch from Golden Flax Flakes (my current favorite) to Frosted Mini Wheats. Likewise, I know what age range, location range, height range, everything range I’m looking for in a guy and so I don’t feel overwhelmed by my choices online. Call me picky or close-minded if you want, but I’d like to think I’ve learned through trial and error what I like and what I don’t like (lightly sweetened flakes = good, sugary cereal = bad).
The article also sites a study, from Harvard Business School that “found that online daters spent 12 hours surfing dating sites and e-mailing for every two hours of actual physical dating.” Seriously? I spend between 15-30 minutes dealing with my online dating stuff per day. I’m pretty intentional about it (yes, I will look at the clock and ‘schedule time’ and yes I am a control freak). Sometimes less as I skip days. And I go on anywhere from 1-4 first dates per week. If people are spending 12 hours online for every 2 hours of actual dating then, um, I don’t mean to be all judgy but it sounds like they’re doing it wrong.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking, I have a dreadful history of dating the wrong men. Yep. I’ll own that. But they were my choices. They were “my type”. And the fact that we met online is irrelevant. I am now meeting a different type of man. Or trying to persuade myself to. It’s a constant struggle, honestly. But I’m slowly but surely making the switch. The guy I went out with last Sunday, totally a good guy (I think). He’s this new type that I’m trying to focus on.
Back to my point. Online dating. Lots of people are talking about it. Maybe it’s because there are so many more people doing it now. And maybe some of them aren’t having positive experiences. And so they’re thinking, “online dating sucks”. And my point is that it can suck. And it can be really awesome. You just have to learn to get what you want from it.
Tags: Cupcakes & Cupid, jezebel, Online dating, research