Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Good Grief

It can’t just be me.  There must be something in the atmosphere.

Last night I got a three paragraph ranting email from a guy I’ve never met.  It was beyond bizarre. And the funniest bit is that I’m sure he’s telling his friends (if he has any) about the bitch he almost went out with and how it’s further evidence that all of the women in New York have issues.

Here’s the back story:  he and I met online and were supposed to go out back in January. But he was one of those guys that I wanted to meet but knew I probably shouldn’t meet.  Too much my old type, if you know what I mean.  I had to cancel our first date (I was really sick, sadly that happens sometimes.  My health is not great and I am sick sometimes.  Too sick to leave home.  It’s part of my life.) and he was really sweet about it.

And then he had to cancel our second date because of car trouble.  I was fine with that and told him not to worry about it.  Then some time passed and he sent me some very bossy emails and left some even bossier messages.  I stopped being interested.  I realized that while I might be attracted to him that that attraction could only lead to bad things.

Anyway, I got an email from him last night.  He saw me online and figured he’d take another shot.  The email was pleasant enough and didn’t seem bossy or arrogant and I figured why not.

I replied and in my reply said something about it being a while since we’d been in contact.  It would have been weird to not mention it.  His reply was that I’d blown him off after he cancelled on me (Kind of the truth, but not really why we never went out.  I did not reply to his last bossy message, a couple of weeks after the car trouble date).  Anyway, I made what I thought was a lighthearted comment about remembering this differently, but that it didn’t matter and that yes, we should meet for drinks (downscaling from his original suggestion of dinner).

This led to a multi-paragraph tirade about him not being a liar and how all women in New York were impossible and just looking for something to be wrong with men.

Now, I’m happy this happened.  It saves me the time of having to meet him for drinks or worse (because I know there is a certain type of man who is very when he wants to be and who’s really a crazy jerk) dating him for weeks or months until I found out what he was really like.

But seriously, is it the weather?

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9 to “Good Grief”

  1. browolf says:

    is there a good reason to ignore past behaviour and past decisions on someone, that they repeated themselves means you were right first time, right?

  2. CrystalHerb says:

    I’d agree with browolf… but then at the moment I’m giving someone what is no doubt their second or even third chance (long story I’ll probably blog at some stage when I get round to it). I think us women have some kind of inbuilt override logic button!

  3. Simone Grant says:

    You’re right. I was right the first time. I’ve just had a crappy week and well, I made bad decisions (worse decisions) when I’m blue. I was willing to give him a chance. Thought maybe I’d been too harsh before. Clearly not.
    That’s a good way to put it – override logic button. I think we are prone to want to give men more chances they deserve. Well, some of us are.

  4. Teifion says:

    I think it basically comes down to you being a horrible liar and blowing him off for sending what were probably really polite emails. Heck, the emails were probably neatly formatted, fully of impeccable grammar and written so nicely that it’d appease even an illiterate baby. Having never met any women from New York I can only assume that he’s correct and they are indeed all like you, it’s not like somebody would lie about stuff on the internet is it?

    Then again I’ve been wrong in the past and maybe it’s a great idea that you “blew him off”.

    And another thing, blowing someone off is kinda a bad phrase to use don’t you think? Surely it’s got a second meaning somewhat different from the first 😛

  5. OpinionatedGift says:

    I’m cracking up from the over ride logic button. No doubt many men would agree but from the wrong perspective.

    We guys have that button too though, so take heart. And yay you Simone for the dodge.

    Guy sounds like a winner.

  6. Simone Grant says:

    oooh – you’re right: “blew him off” is a bad phrase. I need a new one. Suggestions?
    Oh yeah, a real winner. So I guess I win the loser prize for bad taste.

  7. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    No, it’s not the weather. Unless it’s been raining jerks. There are just a lot of jerks around. And a lot of the time they’re charming…until something doesn’t go their way or inadvertently taps into some insecurity they have and then–BAM–behold the jerk.

    I’ve given jerks second and third chances, too, partly because I want to be fair and not dismiss them prematurely and partly because I don’t want to miss out on a great guy over what might’ve been a miscommunication or an off day for him.

    I’m sorry to say that, unfortunately, my first impression has never yet been wrong when I’ve had an inkling that the guy might be a jerk. If he did something jerkish early on, he always turned out to be a jerk later.

    Now if only my first impressions could work when they seem wonderful but turn out to be jerks! Ah, well. Just one of the reasons I don’t date anymore.

  8. Simone Grant says:

    Thank you for making me laugh. Sometimes it does feel like it’s raining jerks. And yes, if only that first impression would turn out to be true when they seemed wonderful from day one. Alas.

  9. VeganD says:

    Not the weather – that’s El Nino; it’s the eclipses, this astrologer says.