Oh boy. Where to start?
OK, let’s start here – Only an idiot would ask a question that he didn’t really want to know the answer to. And yet…
Last week Tom Miller wrote an amusing column on Sexual History and why a woman’s specific number doesn’t count. I’m not going to parse it here. Losplum already did that in her blog (no we aren’t planning these double attacks). His inspiration seemed to come from a post at The Frisky on Sexual Partners That Don’t Count.
I’m coming at this from a totally different place.
GROW THE FUCK UP!!!
Now I realize that I’m older than Tom and the writers at The Frisky and Lostplum, too. So sure there is an actual age difference to factor in. But my number stopped being a topic of conversation around the same time I stopped playing truth or dare. You know – back in college.
It seems utterly ridiculous to me for adults to be having conversations with their romantic partners about how many other people they’ve slept with. As Tom pointed out, quantity is irrelevant. All I want to know is that someone’s been practicing safe sex and that they’ve been getting regular, appropriate (read=HIV tests) check ups. A guy who’s had 8 partners but never wore condoms and has never had an HIV test is a hell of a lot more of a danger to me than a man who’s had 50 partners but who’s always practiced safe sex and gets tested every 6 months (especially since I gotta believe those 8 partners have also had unprotected sex with other men – factor that out a few times and it makes my skin crawl).
And furthermore, any man stupid enough to ask me that question is going to find himself very, very sorry. Not only won’t I answer it, but I’m going to think a lot less of him for asking. Because every guy knows or assumes that every woman is going to lie. And no matter what the number was, there’d be a reason for you to be unhappy (too high, too low, someone you knew). So why the fuck would you ask?
Consider this my rant for the week.
Tags: safe sex, sex, The Frisky, tomfoolery, YourTango