Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Willing To Lie About How We Met

I don’t see it as often anymore, but there was a time when you’d see a lot of headlines that said, Willing to Lie About How We Met or something like it.  Translation for my readers who’ve never tried online dating:  Most online dating services ask you to use a headline for your profile.  Some dull but typical examples are:  Downtown Lawyer Looking For Love; Southern Gentlemen Seeks Lady; Let’s Get Out of Here.

I see less of the let’s lie headlines nowadays.   I’m not sure if it means anything.  If couples are more willing to come right out and tell their friends and family, “We met online”?  But it seems like a reasonable thing to assume.

I know that it’s not something I’m willing to lie about.  Not ever again.  I’ve told this story here on the blog, before. My last serious boyfriend asked me to lie about how we met.   We were on our way to have drinks with some friends of his.  It was a big deal for me – meeting his friends.  And then he made a fuss over the how we met story and insisted we make up a lie.   Maybe that was the first sign that he wasn’t who I thought he was.  Anyway…

I think it’s really interesting that people are still asking whether online dating has lost its stigma.   But then, I guess there are still some people who hold on to the belief that online dating is for nutjobs and weirdos.  Or that there are more nutjobs and weirdos online than at the corner bar?  And why do they believe these things?  I don’t know.

According to some promo material that one of the big online dating services was floating a few months back, 1 in every 8 couples that got married in the US last year met online.  That’s a lot of people.  And all of the for-profit sites are raking it in this year.  The are soaring.

So it seems reasonable to say that the people who are looking down at online dating are in the minority.   Maybe they should dive in and try in for themselves.

Link – Jezebel Has Online Dating Really Lost Its Stigma

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7 to “Willing To Lie About How We Met”

  1. Momma Sunshine says:

    It’s funny. I met my ex husband online (not on a dating site, but in a chat room) 11 years ago. We were really embarassed about telling people we met that way at the time. But a lot has changed in 11 years, and I met the man I’m currently dating online (again, not on a dating site but through his blog). I have no problems with telling people how we met, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.

    I see online dating as just another way to meet someone – in fact, it definitely widens the playing field, because it gives you opportunity to meet people that you likely wouldn’t in “conventional” ways. I wouldn’t hesitate to encourage anyone to give online dating a try.

  2. Singlegal says:

    I don’t mind telling people at all that I’ve met online. I actually met my last boyfriend through Second Life, and online virtual game. I think it has lost it’s stigma, and when you hit your thirties, meeting people organically is not as common place as when we are younger. I knew this was the avenue I’d take and I’m not ashamed to shout it from the mountaintops (OK, maybe something less dramatic).

  3. Brian S says:

    I think that stigma is all but dead, yeah. With the rise of Facebook especially, most people – especially the younger generations – are who they say they are online now. It’s getting close to being just another platform of the real world.

  4. Quirkyeconomist says:

    I wonder if some of the ‘stigma’ is because meeting people through online dating sites seems somehow less romantic than meeting face to face. Even if you meet in a bar where you are both looking to meet someone, there is more of a ‘it was destiny’ feeling. If you meet online, after checking out each other’s profile, it’s harder to say ‘it was destiny’, since it was some computer matching algorithm that put your profiles in front of each other. But I do think there is WAY less stigma today than when I started using seven years ago, especially since I feel like everyone knows someone who met online and is now married or very happily committed.

  5. Kid In The Front Row says:

    If anyone asks, we did NOT meet online and our blogs DON’T exist, over.

  6. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    Online dating has lost a lot of its stigma, but I think some still exists. I agree with Quirkyeconomist about why, and I would add that I think there’s always a bit of stigma attached to intentional dating. (By “intentional dating,” I mean placing an ad, using a matchmaker, going on a blind date, etc.) Before there was online dating, there were newspaper personals, and people would make the same jokes about inventing some lie about how they met. My guess is that intentional dating carries an air of desperation in the minds of some people (not in my mind, though).

    As for why those headlines are disappearing, I think part of it is that the stigma is lessening, and part of it is that online daters are always advised not to be “negative” in their profiles or question the efficacy of the service for fear of turning off other daters.

  7. Simone Grant says:

    Wow – sorry, didn’t mean to ignore the comments here. I suck sometimes.
    -Momma Sunshine
    Exactly, it’s just another way to meet (you have a pretty awesome ‘how we met’ story, btw).
    Yep. I started to experiment with online dating when I was 29 and got really into it in my 30s. Back then, when people would ask me WHY, I’d say, “There’s no chance of me meeting anyone at work. I already know all of my friend’s friends. How else am I going to meet new people?”
    -Brian S
    Welcome to the blog. Maybe this is the one way in which FB has actually helped me?
    Maybe that’s it. The lack of romance. Well screw romance.
    -Kid In The Front Row
    Welcome darling. And you’re right. If anyone asks, this blog doesn’t exit. You got me there.
    Hmmm. I still see an awful lot of negativity in profiles (my personal favorite is, “no baggage”).