Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Too Soon Dude, Too Soon

It looks like I’m not going to be going out with that 33 year old after all.  Sorry, I really was ready to give the whole cougar thing a whirl, but I can’t.  Not with this one.  He just completely blew it.

We met online a week or so ago and have been exchanging very brief messages.  I guess I’ve been intentionally keeping it brief because of the age thing.  It made me really uncomfortable.  I know that sounds ridiculous.  And it probably is ridiculous.  But it’s how I felt.

Anyway, we were talking about getting together this weekend.  And then he sends me this totally outrageous, VERY NAUGHTY email.

Let me be clear here, we’re talking rated XXX, not rated R.  And no, I will not copy and paste sections of it.  Let’s just say that if I received an email like this from a man I was actively dating, I’d probably be turned on.  But from a guy I met online prior to our , it’s repulsive.  A complete dealbreaker.

I promise not to hold this against all younger guys.

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17 to “Too Soon Dude, Too Soon”

  1. hithatsmybike says:



  2. bellaressa says:

    ohh wow, too bad. I was looking forward to your experience.

  3. aGirlNamedMe says:

    Weird. At least you got a story.

  4. Veka says:

    Wow sounds like a winner. Sorry for your luck :(

  5. Anonymous says:

    I know you hate pickup artist stuff, but this is one of the cardinal rules of game – don’t talk about sex with a target – er, date – prematurely. 😉

  6. periken says:

    ok- you dating a 33 year old does not for a cougar make- unless you are like 60- which i doubt.

  7. Simone Grant says:

    Yeah, it’s pretty hysterical and kind of pathetic.
    Anonymous, that’s kind of a cardinal rule of being a grown up and dating – don’t talk about sex prematurely (especially online dating). Jeez.
    I know, but for me this is a big deal. I haven’t ever dated anyone 6 years younger than me. Ever.

  8. drumdance says:

    Simone, you’re right about it being a rule for being a grown up, but note that it’s an adaption by men. We think about sex all the time, but we have to pretend we don’t when trying to attract women.

  9. TudorCityGirl says:

    Wow- GOOD for you.. Very smart. Before you even met??? XXX ??? Good you won’t hold it against all younger men. The cougar thing can be great fun…although I really think I need to stop dating guys in their 20s.
    Thank you for the nice comment on my blog,
    These on-line men are like buses….. Next!!! Good luck.

  10. sparklytosingle says:

    EEEK, I would cancel on him too. Wow. Just wow.

  11. mintystar says:

    Oh I would feel grossed out too, that was so rude of him!

  12. Simone Grant says:

    Heck, i think about sex a lot too. That’s the whole, being an adult thing – knowing what’s appropriate to way when.
    So true. They are like buses.
    Yeah, I’m not even replying. I’m hoping he gets tthe message. I so don’t want to have to deal with him.
    Exactly- RUDE! I’m just so tired of all of these rude guys.

  13. drumdance says:

    Simone, the difference is that for most guys, getting an email like that from a girl would not be an instant turnoff, at least not enough to cancel the date. For most women it is.

    I’m not saying he’s right to have done it, just pointing out a gender difference.

  14. LuckyChica says:

    In a word: ick.

  15. Anonymousssssss says:

    Go for it! What do you have to lose? That’s ridiculous. And the young guy thing… Girls always freak out when they realize that I’m younger. When I see a girl I like, I don’t think is she 2 years younger than me or 2 years older. I want to know if we click or not… Then hour or two later we figure out, gee, we are 5 years apart… Me being the younger. What are we going to do? That’s bad and we shouldn’t play along? No! It doesn’t matter.

    It’d be a major disappointment if you didn’t see the guy, and we all know that you do want to see him, and he just gave an easy excuse not to see him…

  16. aguy says:

    that’s a little weird…

  17. Simone Grant says:

    OK. Yes, for most women it is a total turnoff to get an email like that from a guy she never met. One of the big differences between men an women.
    You read my mind.
    You’re kind of delusional if you think I want to see him. Here’s what I think of the guy – he’s clearly very immature and lacking in the most basic common sense. Plus, he’s surely arrogant and rude. Why on earth would I want to meet someone like that? I think you’ve seen too many pornos or have been reading too many PUA sites.
    A little weird? A lot weird!