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Sex Myths(?) aka Late Afternoon Ramblings

I’m always curious about articles that claim to be debunking commonly held .  My first question is always, ‘how many people actually believe these ’?  Anyway, that’s me and how my mind works.  Always questioning.

Today there was an article in YourTango called Top Myths Men (and Women) Have About Sex.  The premise was that these commonly held beliefs undermine marriages.

OK – before I get into the rest of the post I just need to rant for a second about the article.  It’s one of those posts where you have to click through to see each myth seperately on it’s own page.  I hate when sites do that.  Normally I just click away to another article but I was curious about this one.  C’mon , you’re classier than that.  Leave that nonsense to AskMen.  Just give us the list on one goddamn page.

Alright, rant over. Now, so that you don’t have to waste your time clicking through, here’s their list:

  1. A Happy Means You Won’t Be Tempted
  2. Starts When The Man Gets An Erection
  3. The Best Sex Is Spontaneous
  4. The Best Sex Occurs When The Man Takes The Lead
  5. Can Make Up For Bad
  6. Men Want More Sex Than Women Do
  7. Sex With The Same Person Gets Boring

They elaborate on each point and so if you’re interested, you should read it.

So, how commonly held are these beliefs?  Really, I’m asking.  Do lots of people really believe that good sex can make up for bad communication or that a happy marriage means you won’t be tempted?  Do the majority of men believe these things?  I have lots of guy friends and I’ve never specifically asked them about any of this but I can infer from our conversations on similar topics that they don’t.

Of course, the one that I find most interesting is number 6.  I’ve certainly read things in men’s mags that make reference to the idea that men want it more than women.   But I’ve never had a relationship in which this was the case (then again, I’m a freak of nature or something).  Seriously, though, in most of the cases I know of where there was one person who wanted much more sex than the other, it was the woman doing the wanting.  And the not getting.

Anyway, I could see how a blind belief in any of these things could be hazardous to a relationship/marriage.  But then, I tend to believe that anyone who thinks there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” for relationships to work will end up getting frustrated.

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12 to “Sex Myths(?) aka Late Afternoon Ramblings”

  1. hurryupnbuy says:

    1. True
    2. False. My question to that is why do men get erections?
    3. Eh. Best sex is usually spontaneous but not always.
    4. False. I personally like it when girls take the lead at times.
    5. True and False. Good sex makes up for bad communication in a short lustful relationship. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work in marriages, IMO.
    6. False.
    7. I hope its not true one day but at this point, I have to agree. True.

  2. nandoism says:

    Great post….interesting to see what goes on in the minds of others! Some of those myths are scary.

  3. dmplgrl says:

    I actually wrote a blog post back in April about #6 and most of the responses I got say that women actually want it more. As for the rest….

    1. I’ve never been married but I am in a happy relationship and I can say temptation is not an issue
    2. False – my bf and I have had some fabulous “sex” w/o his parts ever leaving his pants
    3. True and false – spontaneity can be great, but so can slow pre-meditated loving
    4. True and false again – depends on the mood and the dymanic between the couple I think.
    5. A Big Fat False. Communication is key no matter how great the sex is.
    6. See my blog post below on this subject
    7. Eh I don’t think so. If you love the person you’re with there are always ways to spice things up and make the experience new and exciting.

  4. Pansophy says:

    Good one.

    1. A Happy Marriage Means You Won’t Be Tempted

    “Tempted” to me means actually considering it as opposed to noticing someone is hot or being attracted to someone you work with. I think you won’t be tempted if your relationship is based first and foremost on emotional intimacy. If the relationship is based on status, security, or sensory experience all bets are off and sex with a person other than your spouse is possible without it directly conflicting with why you are with them. Not saying it doesn’t affect your relationship, just saying it isn’t occupying the same energetic space.

    2. Sex Starts When The Man Gets An Erection

    Really? I would say that sex starts when the woman wants it to. If I had sex with my partner every time I got an erection, well…..

    3. The Best Sex Is Spontaneous

    Eh. Can’t buy it.

    4. The Best Sex Occurs When The Man Takes The Lead

    Maybe I’ve dated too many strong women? Sounds boring. Best sex to me is when there is a tango of who is taking the lead.

    5. Good Sex Can Make Up For Bad Communication

    Oxytocin can make up for a lot for a while, but not forever.

    The myth is that good communication leads to better relationships and the evidence doesn’t support it. The key to better relationships is accepting your partner, letting things go (like really letting it go) and forgiveness. People that do that are happy in the relationships.

    “Good communication” as a required skill for a happy relationship just means you are still talking about it and not letting it go…

    6. Men Want More Sex Than Women Do

    All these things are about ‘on average’, so on average I agree. Having said that I have a number of female friends that complain about having partners that want less sex then they do. Guys tend to complain about it less and do something about it (i.e., cheat) if its a real problem for them, whereas women tend to want their partner to put out more.

    Still I think this difference argues that generally men want more sex because even if women are complaining about it, many seem to be able to tolerate not having it whereas men that want more can’t.

    7. Sex With The Same Person Gets Boring

    Hmmm. Well if novelty is the only novelty in the bedroom I guess this could be true. But in my life the opposite has been the case.

  5. alfabeta says:

    Oh boy! Where did you find those myths?
    1. I disagree. It’s just more unlikely, but not impossible
    2. Haha, good one! Who wrote this one? A 12 year old girl?
    3. As opposed to be planned sex? Yup
    4. From my perspective the best sex I had was always initiated and lead by women
    5. If it’s a sex only relationship, yes. Otherwise no.
    6. Not necessarily, but mostly it’s true
    7. Unfortunately, yes

  6. London Escorts says:

    Nice post and thanks for your suggestion.

  7. Ghostwriter says:

    I have to say I agree with those points! Especially spontaneous sex…ALWAYS the best!!

  8. Veka says:

    1. No. There will always be temptation. But maybe a happy marriage or happy relationship means that the individual won’t act on the temptation.
    2. No. There are many different types of sex and ways to have it.
    3. Sometimes, but not necessarily.
    4. Honestly, this is one of the “it depends” situations, because everyone is different. I am 50/50, because there are certain things I like when the man takes the lead, but other times I prefer to take the lead and it works out better for me.. lol.
    5. No! When there’s bad communication in a relationship, that generally means that there’s bad communication in bed.
    6. No. Men are just more forward and open about it. I think many women want it the same, if not more.
    7. NO! Well.. I think there are relationship factors to cause bad sex, or the diminishing of good sex. But if the relationship is good, I don’t think sex would get boring.

  9. Simone Grant says:

    Good golly, I don’t know where to start. I guess it’s not so much a question of whether people believe these things, but whether they feel they’re true or not? Thank you everyone for weighing in with your frank responses. It’s great to see so many different perspectives.
    Oh and welcome to my two new readers (new- yes) – London Escorts and Ghostwriter. Thanks so much for joining the conversation. I hope to see more of your thoughts in the future.

  10. Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles says:

    I don’t believe any of these myths myself, but the ones that I hear repeated most often by others are 3., 6., and 7.

    3. I think quite a few people assume spontaneous sex is better or even enjoy it more psychologically because it’s spontaneous.

    6. Some researchers claim that men get aroused more frequently and more easily, but I sometimes wonder about their data collection methods! Certainly a lot of men believe this one, though. I tend to think that it only appears that way because women have so many barriers to expressing desire. If there was more stigma surrounding the male sex drive, I wonder if they would magically seem to want less sex, too. Another possibility is that men are more motivated to seek new partners for sex (hence the tendency toward wandering eyes, porn, and one-night stands) but experience diminishing interest long-term, whereas women have a more consistent sex drive within the context of a monogamous relationship. That said, sex drive is one of the traits that seems to have the widest variation among people, so it’s really hard to generalize too much.

    7. I think a lot of people, especially men, believe this, and if the theory about male sex drive in 6. is true, then it might be accurate. But, again, there’s so much variance in sex drive. I’m sure there are plenty of men who aren’t as turned on by novelty or for whom other factors in the LTR override it. Personally, as a woman, this myth isn’t true for me. But, then, I don’t think I’ve ever found sex “boring” in my life, so it just goes to show you how very differently people think on this subject.

  11. trilady says:

    I have absolutely always wanted more sex than ALL of my past boyfriends. Now that I’m in my early 30’s it’s absolutely consuming. This is a problem. (Although, I do like a dominant man in bed. But that’s a personal thing.)

    Oh, and hi. Just found your blog. :)

  12. Simone Grant says:

    Thanks for joining in on this one. SO MUCH variation – who knew?
    Welcome to the blog and thanks for joining the conversation. I hope to see more of you.