Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Nose Knows

Sometimes I’ll meet a guy and it takes me a few days to figure out what, if anything, to write about the date.  Usually it’s because I liked the guy but there was some issue that makes me think I shouldn’t see him again.

I had one of those dates last week.

This is a guy I’d been looking forward to meeting for a while.  We were supposed to meet the week before, but then I had a work-related thing come up and we rescheduled (and he was totally cool about that which made me want to meet him even more).   We’d emailed a lot and spoken on the phone a couple of times and I thought he was smart and charming and funny and according to his online profile pictures he was kind of cute (not drop dead gorgeous, but I’ll take smart and charming and funny over drop dead gorgeous any day).

And then we met.  And I knew from the second (the SECOND) we met that there was a problem.  He reeked of .  Or more specifically, he had the unmistakable smell of someone who drinks heavily, everyday.  That stale, coming through your pores smell.

Maybe some of my readers aren’t familiar with the particular smell I’m trying to describe.  Lucky you.  It’s not the smell someone gets after a night out of partying.  Or even a week of partying.  It’s a lifestyle smell.  And it’s sad.  Very, very sad.

Anyway, I pretended like I didn’t smell it and we actually had a great date.  That’s right, he was all of the things I thought he would be.  So much so that when he asked if he could see me again, I didn’t say no.  I wanted to, I knew I should. But I didn’t.  Not because I’m a wimp, but because there was a little voice inside my head that was saying, “maybe?”

Then, over the course of the next couple of days I called a few friends of mine.  Friends who I knew would get it.  And they all told me to run as fast as I could away from this guy.   And I knew that they were all absolutely right.  I was just hoping for someone to say, “maybe…”

Anyway, I’m not going to go out with him again.   I know enough to know that nothing good can come of that.

I’m sad about it, though.  Because I really do think he’s a great guy.


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9 to “The Nose Knows”


  1. OpinionatedGift says:

    I’m actually kind of amazed that you had a good time with that smell permeating the evening.

    I know the smell you mean. It’s awful and depressing.

  2. LPS says:

    I know that smell too. A couple of ex-colleagues were like that. Very sad. Cute, personable, funny, effervescent characters when they were buzzing with good times & alcohol and awful, unreliable, downright rude & mean when they were recovering from hangovers. The date was probably great fun because he was slightly sloshed. Had you met him when he was suffering from a hangover then he wouldn’t be so fun, or he would have forgotten clean about the date and might have been home sleeping the excesses off. Your nose & your friends gave you good advice: run, Simone, run! Run far away!

  3. starangel82 says:

    I agree, you just need to leave this guy alone. It’s sad that he’s a nice guy and you like him, but evenutally, you’d just end up trying to help him through his addiction.

  4. Veka says:

    No matter how great he seems, alcoholism is a serious problem. My dad’s dad was an alcoholic. I never met him since he passed away (from liver damage–go figure) when my dad was 16. But from hearing everything my dad told me, alcoholism is very dangerous not only for the individual but for everyone around that individual. Typically, alcoholism and abuse go hand-in-hand. Please steer clear of that!

  5. MakesNooSense says:

    Good for you. I’m one of those idiots that repeatedly thinks she can FIX someone…I think part of it because then I don’t have time/energy whatever to fix what I know is wrong about ME.

    Smart girl, Simone!

  6. Simone Grant says:

    -OpinionatedGift
    It was actually really hard at first. For the first 10 minutes I was in panic mode and kept thinking that I should make some excuse and say goodbye. But I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been able to walk out on a date like that. And after a while I just adjusted and decided that I’d have fun.
    -LPS
    You’re right, of course. Some of the most charming people I’ve ever met have been heavy drinkers. Ugh. And UGH.
    -starangel82
    Yep, and the last thing I need is another project.
    -Veka
    It’s sad but true. Been there, done that. Have I said ugh yet?
    -MakesNooSense
    Oh, I’m not so smart. I’m tempted as hell. Truth is I just don’t have the energy for it, right now. Or maybe ever again. It’s just too damn hard.

  7. BBboy says:

    I think you made the right choice. You could have had a few more dates just to make sure that you were sure about it, but in my experience, the outcome would probably be the same. Kind of sad though. Bobbyboy

  8. Momma Sunshine says:

    I’ll agree with the others and say that you’re doing the right thing by not getting mixed up with this guy. It’s sad seeing someone who is a great person harming themselves in that way…but thinking that you could help or change him or make it better would be harmful to the both of you, in my opinion. Especially you.

  9. Simone Grant says:

    -BBboy
    That’s where I was leaning for the first 24 hours – giving him another chance to see if he was always like that. But then my friends made me realize that I already knew the answer.
    -Momma Sunshine
    All I keep thinking about is – why him? Of all the guys I’ve gone out with in the last year, why is he the drunk. It just really sucks. Oh well, moving on…