Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Kinky

Some people are kinkier than others.  And different people are in different ways.  Those are the facts and they’re not going to change.  Although, if you ask me, some of those less kinky people might actually enjoy being kinkier. Maybe they’d have more fun.

This was on my mind yesterday as I watched my friend Nandoism’s latest video, How To Handle A Sexual Fetish.  His viewer was concerned that his fetish wouldn’t be accepted by a new partner.

Well, really, isn’t this an extension of wanting to be loved and accepted as we are?   None of us are perfect and we all have things that make us strange or different.  And for some of us, some of those things are sexual.

This is actually something I’ve given a bit of thought to.  On my 7 Things Women Won’t Tell Men post, my #3 was, “I’m pretty open-minded.  If there’s some kink or quirk that you’re waiting 2 or 3 months to tell me, please don’t wait.  What a waste of time.  Can’t we please just get that stuff out in the open right away?”.

Call me crazy, but if I like a guy I want to go that extra mile (or two or three) to make him happy and our relationship work.  And maybe I’m naive but I think that lots of people feel the same way.

So why am I ranting about this today, anyway?  Well, watching that video I started to think of all of those people out there with fetishes and kinks and quirks who might be too afraid to share their desires with new partners.  Who keep their thoughts and feelings hidden for fear of being rejected.  That must suck.


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8 to “Kinky”


  1. Singlegal says:

    Interestingly, I don’t seem to have this problem. I find that people put a lot out there for me in the beginning (we’ll use ” Ball Gag Man” as an example). Not sure what I do that makes people feel so welcome with this information, but I am glad they put it out there, like you said. And, it gives me time to assess my boundaries and think about what I will, and won’t do. I think society is getting there … and social networks help! :-)

  2. OpinionatedGift says:

    I have a few things I like to get out of the way fairly quickly. Not all of them are kink, but they are lifestyle preferences and things that have become important to me. It saves everyone time and can certainly avoid broken hearts and major scenes.

    My only frustration is that I wish I had known these things about myself decades ago. Man would it have saved me some time and heartache.

  3. BBboy says:

    I have about 8000 links to all kinds of info about fetishes, ok, maybe a bit less, but one thing I’ve found is that people with fetishes seem to actually be the norm. And because people with fetishes were considered “Normal” for so long, they tend to be shy about mentioning them. Shame really. The bigger shame is that I have yet to go through all of those links so I can blog about stuff :)

  4. SexontheBeachMag.com says:

    I wouldn’t recommend anyone straying from their comfort levels…nothing worse than a shy chic pretending to be a pro stripper….But taking a risk and being gutsy or “kinky” does enhance performance and gives women power in the sack. Good one!

  5. Simone Grant says:

    -Singlegal
    Yes, social media makes this easier. And certain online dating sites have a more permission tilt towards them (like having “more kinky” icons on the bottom – you know what I mean). And like you, I’m happier when people are open about these things early.
    -OpinionatedGift
    I know lots of people who feel as you do, “if only I knew earlier”. The good thing is that you know now.
    -BBboy
    Welcome back darling. And yes, I think it’s the norm to have a fetish of some sort. But I also think there are people who think they are supposed to NOT have them. If that make sense. Lots of people living in shame and fear. Silly really.
    -SexontheBeachMag.com
    Welcome to the blog. I’m not suggesting that people shy away from their comfort zones. Just that consenting adults speak freely with their partners about their needs and desires.

  6. snowman expert says:

    My fetish is to watch women lease cars. It’s a weird fetish, I’ll admit, but there’s DVDs out there available for me.

  7. free online dating says:

    Thanks Snowman, and I wish more men were like you. (Honest and totally cool about it.)

  8. Simone Grant says:

    -snowman expert
    OK, NOW I’ve heard everything (I thought the bellybutton thing was odd). :-)