Last week I mentioned the beer and wings get together we had with guys from the man panel. Well, at some point during the night I found myself talking about good sex (go figure). I’m not sure how it got started, but the premise was basically that a person could have amazing sex with someone they didn’t care about (something I strongly believe).
Well, one of the guys actually took the opposing opinion. OK, maybe not so much the opposing opinion, but a different perspective. He was of the, but sex is so much better when you care about someone school. To which I replied, “not always”.
I’ve written frequently about my personal experience with this. I was dating a guy that I completely adored. Completely. Adored. But we weren’t sexually compatible. At all. We’re talking train wreck. And this wasn’t one-sided. He was as frustrated as I was. After a few months we had to split up because we are both very sexual people and we both realized that things could never work between us. Now he’s a good friend.
There is another side to this, for me. Thinking back on my last serious relationship, I can remember what it was like after we’d had sex the first few couple of times and I had a general sense of how things were going to be between us. At this point I was already crazy about him. Probably too crazy. And I distinctly remember thinking, ‘the sex is ok, and that if that was the sex I was going to be having for the rest of my life then I’d be fine with it’.
Note – I didn’t say great. It was ok. But because I was so crazy about him (read – falling in love with him) it was as good as good enough. Not great. Love can add points, but it can’t make ok sex great. Not in my book, anyway.
I guess what I’m saying is that if I love a guy then, yes, the sex is so much better than it would be otherwise. If I didn’t love him. But love can only add points. It can’t make bad sex good. And it can’t make ok sex great. Sex is sex and love is love and one enhances the other and vice versa. But that’s about it.
Tags: bad sex, good sex, great sex, guy, love, man panel, sex