I caught a lot of flack for the post Are Men Regressing? (Ah hell, I’ve just been catching a lot of flack lately. I’m not giving advice people, just telling you about MY life. I’m not suggesting you live by my rules. What, exactly, is so irksome about that?). Anyway, after a while I decided to respond to the comments with a separate post.
Let’s assume you’re in a position of authority at work. A manager, owner, whatever. And you meet a consultant and/or sales person at an event and this person seems good at their work/has a good reputation and so you give him/her your card thinking that in the future you might throw some work his way. And then on Friday he sends an email saying how nice it was to meet and he wants to talk business. And then follows it up a little while later with a call. He seems persistent and competent and so you discuss a project and he says he’ll have a formal bid for you early next week.
And then he calls on Tuesday at the end of the day and says, “Hey, it was nice meeting you. I’d really like to do business with you. I’d love to talk about doing some work for you in the future.” Same pitch. No bid.
I don’t know anyone who would do business with that consultant. No one. Even if they had a great reputation and/or had a great pitch. And if someone did I’d call that person a fool.
I date the way I do business. Always. I consider every date (pre-relationship phase) a mutual job interview. We are both interviewing for the position of the other person’s mate/significant other. I might screw it up. He might screw it up. Shit happens. In this case, last week, that guy SCREWED IT UP. He didn’t follow through. And for all of you who think that stuff like that doesn’t matter. OK. It doesn’t matter. To you. It matters a hell of a lot to me. More than looks. More than a guy’s net worth or where he lives, or who his friends are (shit that I don’t care about at all) or his favorite band. Follow through means an ability to plan and think ahead and keep commitments. It matters. To me. End of story.
As to the guy who locked himself out of his apartment, Mr. Awesome first date, we’re seeing each other in a few hours (damn I gotta get my butt in gear). He contacted me the next day with a really great idea for this afternoon. Sweet and planned in advance.
I wasn’t mad at him for calling that night. I just find passive-aggressive behavior to be immature and repulsive. And I do not encourage repulsive behavior. As I said recently in a comment to a reader, one of the few quotes I like to throw around is that ‘we teach people how to treat us’ (does anyone know who said that originally? – it’s a google mess).
If he had called and said, “Hey, I have a crazy idea. I know it’s last minute and you’re probably busy but I just got locked out of my apt so why don’t we use this as an opportunity to get together?” I would have said yes. But he didn’t. He said. “I’m locked out. Oh you’re busy. Ok.” And then waited 15 minutes to inform me that he was still locked out. The first strategy is positive and take-charge. The second is passive-aggressive and childish. Nope.
Again, I wasn’t mad. Just showing him how I wish to be treated. Now if that makes me a picky bitch then so be it.
Tags: second date