I was sitting down to write today’s post, had my topic all thought out, when something caught my eye on my tweetdeck. The Frisky tweeted about a new post, The Worst Breakup Lines Ever. And since I was still finishing my coffee, I figured why not? I’d take a few minutes to read it. I figured it would be good for a laugh.
There it was, as number 1, the line that wreaked so much havoc on my life, “You’re amazing, but I’m just not ready to be in a relationship right now.”
Of course, those weren’t the exact words he used. It was more of an incoherent, “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just not ready”. Oh gosh. My eyes are tearing up as I’m remembering this. That’s how bad that conversation was. It’s been 18 months and I am 100% over him (really, really over) and yet just the thought of it makes me cry.
Recently, I’ve talked with friends about the fact that there seem to be different types of women. Or rather, different stereotypical ways that women react to men in relationships. Invariably, in most relationships, there comes a time when a guy will start to push the woman away. Acting cold and distant. Sometimes even cruel. I get that this is usually just a fear of commitment thing. Some women with react by lashing out at him and getting mad/bitchy. Others will ignore it and ride it out (this is obviously the reaction most men prefer).
Not me. I throw down a gauntlet. I’ll ignore it for a short time, but if it continues for a while I just say that it’s unacceptable. That he’s making me unhappy and I won’t put up with it and so if he doesn’t get his shit together the relationship will end.
You can imagine how successful that tends to be. In the case of my last relationship, there were lots of promises of change, but no actual change. If fact, things got worse from the day I first pointed out what a jerk he was being to me (a fact he never argued with, he completely agreed that he was treating me poorly). And so finally, I said that things couldn’t continue the way they were. That he had to decide. Make more of an effort or we needed to get on with our lives. I have a very low tolerance for unhappiness and don’t keep people who make me unhappy in my life. It really is that simple.
And his reply was that he wanted me, but that he wasn’t ready (and for the record, I knew that that was the answer, I just needed him to say it so that I could move on). This was then followed by more than a year of him dropping into my life periodically to say that he was sure we’d be in each other’s lives “some day”, which is a level of dysfunction I can’t deal with. I don’t do “some day”. When I want something, I work hard for it. Whatever it takes.
Of course, the article in The Frisky pokes some fun at the line. Many guys who use it move on rather quickly, rushing into new relationships. And no matter what line a guy uses, it’s true that we women spend way too much time trying to figure out what it means.
I don’t know much about relationships, but I do know something about the end of relationships. And I know that when one person says it’s over, for any reason, it’s because they don’t want to be in that relationship anymore. And the smart thing to do is to accept it and move on (yeah, I’m still working out the kinks on that myself).
Tags: break up, dating, exes, Relationships, The Frisky