Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Not a Big Fan

My regular readers know that sometimes people will give me ideas for things to write about.  I keep those ideas in a “good idea file” and get to them when I can.

One of these was to write a rebuttal to a very silly article in AskMen.com (are there articles in AskMen that aren’t very silly?) about cuddling.   I wonder about the women who write for them.  They have a couple who write the “single girl” articles.  Maybe they’re perfectly good writers and they know they’re churning out nonsense?  Or maybe they’re morons?

Anyway, the premise of the article is that all women love to cuddle and that men don’t understand our need for cuddle time.  Which, I know from personal experience is a load of crap.  Sure there’s some science behind why is important – for PEOPLE.  For people who want to bond.  But women don’t necessarily want to cuddle with every guy they’re with.  I know I don’t (I’d rather have more sex, quite frankly).  And I know I’m not alone here.

And, I know a lot of guys who are seriously into cuddling.  Way more than I am. I can think of a couple of exes who’d squash me with their need to constantly hug and hold.

OK, let’s be honest here. My issue really isn’t with this particular article (although it’s totally full of shit).  It’s the ridiculous dichotomy that AskMen tries to draw with every Dating & Sex post – men are normal; women are these scary, foreign creatures who behave oddly and we’ll strive to understand and humor them.  It’s not helpful.  Not only that, but I fear the guys who are actually clueless enough to turn to AskMen for advice.  Lord help their future girlfriends.


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4 to “Not a Big Fan”


  1. Anonymous says:

    Lots of women prefer cuddling over sex.

  2. Veka says:

    1) Regarding the article: What a load of crap. Except for the “When your girlfriend is happy, your relationship is going to be much smoother sailing.” That made me laugh.

    2) I am 50/50 when it comes to cuddling. Post-sex (I wrote this first and then read the article) & waking up in the morning type thing, yes. I think it’s sweet. But I hate PDA so hand-holding or a brief peck is as far as I will go in public. I can’t stand it when a guy is all over me while we’re out, and even at home I don’t think it’s necessary. I guess I’m saying I like it sometimes and not others. Hmm. I guess I’m not so much help, but my point is that not every girl is obsessed with cuddling.

  3. iamalejandra says:

    Oh, I remember you posting this article and me thinking about how I was going to scientifically prove that men are MORE into cuddling than women. I have to get on that.
    But honestly, in my experience, men like to cuddle more than women.
    Since I am no scientist I will not likely be able to prove my hypothesis BUT I am going to throw this out there … the article says “Oxytocin is responsible for provoking what scientists refer to as “pair bonding,” which means it makes the cuddling couple feel closer and more intimate. This helps to create a bond between a man and a woman. In evolutionary terms, a woman wants to create this pair bond in order to get the man to commit to her and their offspring.”
    What the STUPID article DOES NOT tell you is that men produce vasopressin which is a hormone very very similar to oxytocin and has the same “bond creating” properties.
    SO to wrap this up, I think men like cuddling because THEY are the ones that want to lure the females into having THEIR offspring.
    That’s my take on it.

  4. Simone Grant says:

    -Anonymous
    I’m sure there are women who prefer cuddling over. Just as there are some men who do. Sex drives vary from person to person.
    -Veka
    Yeah, the point about a happy gf making for smoother sailing made me smile too. But also, how dumb are these guys?
    -iamalejandra
    Thank you for your brilliant and well reasoned response. I couldn’t bring myself to do the science bits. I just wanted to do the writing equivalent of sticking my tongue out. Glad you went all the way.