So yesterday I wrote about how I thought it was important, for me, to know what I’m looking for in a guy and in a relationship and to stay focused on those things. That otherwise it might be like grocery shopping without a list. I’d get home and find I’ve bought lots of treats and sweets, but nothing that I really needed (bread, butter, veggies).
Jamyb, one of my readers, commented, “What about a new list?”
I gave that some thought and realized that I do constantly revise my Must Have in a Man and a Relationship list. And that what it looks like now might be completely different than what it looked like this time last year. Or the year before. I’m guessing that if I’m still single this time next year (entirely possible and so what if I am?) that the list will be different then too.
Anyway, here’s what it looks like now. I’d be interested to hear how completely different it is from your lists.
The 7 Things I Must Have in a Man and a Relationship
- He must be as respectful of my work as I am of his. I’ve spent too many years dating really successful men who assumed I’d schedule my life around their demanding schedules (and I did). It’s finally occured to me that that’s not OK.
- He must be able to get along with my family. I don’t spent oodles of time with my family, but they live close by and I see my dad at least once a month (I lost my mom late last year). I can’t have a man in my life who won’t get along with him and with the extended band of nutjobs (and they are nutjobs).
- If we are going to embark on a serious LTR then he’s gotta be open to talking about us having an open relationship. I am not convinced that monogamy works for everyone. I’d rather have an open relationship than deal with issues of infidelity/sneaking around.
- We need to be able to sit down together and have an open and honest conversation about my health stuff and what that might mean for our relationship, over the long term. I’ve never actually done that with a guy. I’ve been too afraid.
- He needs to be interested in living in New York, for the long-haul, for at least part of the year. A pretty big percentage of the people who live here have it is their heads to move someday. I don’t. If I was financially able I’d probably have a summer cottage someplace (Scotland or Maine – not the Hamptons). And heck, if I had lots of money I’d probably have a place to go during the winter months, too (somewhere in Central America, I’m thinking). But New York is my home. I can’t commit myself to someone who wants to leave.
- He should be smart, funny, hot (in the eye of the beholder), fun to be with, love whatever it is he’s chosen to do with his life and an unreformed hedonist.
- Great sex. Non-negotiable.
Tags: great sex, nyc