This was a weird week for me. As I’ve mentioned before, Lostplum and I dropped by the Thrillist loft several times this week for different parties. The parties were fun, and they were an opportunity for me to socialize as Simone Grant, the dating blogger. As opposed to, my other self, the freelance writer who pretends to have no association with Simone and her dating blog (confused? read this).
People (men, specifically) react very differently to me as Simone the dating blogger than they normally would. I don’t dress differently or do anything else differently. Other than say that I write a dating blog. They immediately want to tell me about their psycho ex-girlfriends, their worst date ever or insist that I tell them my worst date ever. Which I guess might all be considered “shop talk” for a dating blogger.
So, last night I ended up talking, briefly, with some guy about the dating issues of guys with money. He had at some point owned/been involved(?) with a wingwoman service that catered to these poor men who didn’t have time to date, etc. And then somehow the conversation tilted and he said that the problem was the women these guys met via other methods (online, matchmakers – which would be the route I’d assume anyone with real money would take, unless they were only looking to get laid). And he said, “the only women they ever met were goldiggers”.
And then I had a little aha moment.
I don’t believe in much. Really, I don’t. But I do believe that when it comes to dating you get what you ask for, in terms of types of people. Over the years, I’ve dated successful guys (from different fields: finance, entertainment…). I am not, however, a golddigger (there happen to be a lot of successful guys in NYC, it’s hard to avoid them). I’ve been attracted to them for other reasons.
I’m immediately turned off by a guy who flashes his wealth, or brags about his success. Who spends an exorbitant sum on a first date (by picking a ridiculous expensive place and then ordering lavishly) or who makes any attempt during the first couple of dates to let me know just how loaded he is (comments about hard it is to redecorate his place in the Hamptons when he’s still decorating his new place on Riverside or how much I’d like the view from his house in Brazil and we should fly down there together sometime soon). I find that kind of behavior repulsive. Those guys, as far as I’m concerned, are shopping for golddiggers.
I see dozens of them every time I cruise the online profiles. The guys that either subtly or not so subtly hint at their status and wealth.* When guys brag about wealth, the message they send is, my wealth is my number one selling point. I don’t have much else going for me. And the only women who are open to that message are golddiggers. Women who care more about wealth than anything else.
It can’t be all that hard for guys with money to meet women who aren’t golddiggers. All they have to do is not flash their money. But sadly, I’m guessing they want it both ways. They want to be able to say, “you should love me/you should do whatever I want you to do” because I’m rich. But I don’t want you to be a golddigger. I want you to like me for me.
*Yes, I know, women are attracted to men with money. There’s research to back that up. But I think if you did a more in depth analysis of that what you’d find is that most women want stability. They want a guy who isn’t going to be broke all of the time. As long as he’s got a decent job and he’s paying his bills, that’s usually good enough. The 5 cars and the 3 houses and the 2 long vacations every year – that stuff is nice, but it’s not a substitute for love and respect.
Tags: dating, Online dating, Thrillist