Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Can I Have a Different Reward?

I was a in a lousy mood today (totally provoked, btw) and taking it out on my Twitter followers.  No, I’m not going to take it out on you, too.  I’ve vented enough.  Anyway, @derekscruggs saw me complaining and replied,”You know how the journey is the reward? Sometimes it’s the punishment too. :|”

I’ve been feeling pretty punished lately.  So many things just haven’t been flowing right.  Work stuff has been super-frustrating.  Every time I think things are going to work out and be fine I find out that NO, not only aren’t they going to work out and be fine, but I’m in deeper shit than I realized.  And family stuff and just normal life stuff (don’t even get me started on the customer service guy who I spent yesterday afternoon yelling at) suck, too.  It’s all gotten very hard lately.

And .  It’s gotten hard.  Harder than it’s been in a while.  I actually got a message from that guy who I’d written off as a brain-damaged jerk. It was a really nice message.  But I couldn’t help wonder why it took him so many days to reply.  Was it some kind of maneuver in his game?  Because I don’t have the patience for that.  I just don’t.  And just the fact that I’m asking myself that question affects how much I can actually like him.  And then a couple of guys from ages ago just popped back up and are all, “hey, let’s get together”.  No explanation of why each blew me off.  Just, “let’s get together”.  And I feel like maybe I should say yes just because you never know.  But I don’t want to because I feel like it’s a ridiculous situation.  I deserve better.

Ugh.  It all feels too hard this week.  Too. Damn. Hard.

And then (alright, this will be the last thing I gripe about), I have a date tonight with someone I think I could possibly really like and I look awful. Just awful.  Red blotchy skin (I get that from stress and junk food and lack of sleep with is pretty much the perfect description of my life lately) and circles under my eyes.  And no, I’m not exaggeratting.  It’s the first time in weeks I really care about what I look like and I look like crap.


So, in regards to the journey being its own reward, I’d like a different one.  Thanks.

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4 to “Can I Have a Different Reward?”

  1. starangel82 says:

    Oh honey, here. Have a hug.

    (Sorry that’s all the wisdom I’ve got… and it’s not even wisdom.)

  2. Simone Grant says:

    Hugs are better than wisdom in my book. Thanks.

  3. michlny says:

    Get to the gym – do a kick ass workout and I swear you’ll feel like new!!!!

  4. Simone Grant says:

    You’re absolutely right. I know that exercise will make me feel a bit better. I need to push myself more when I’m down.