So, it’s official, I’m not going to my friend’s wedding. It’s next weekend. I’ve been pretending that I wasn’t sure, that I might still go, but today I realized that that was just an act. A lie I was telling myself. I’m sure. I just can’t go.
As much as I care about my friend, I just can’t deal with the whole production of it. Going away for the weekend to this place where the only people I know are the bride and groom (who will certainly be too busy to even notice if I’m there) and where all of the single people will be several years younger than me. No, I just can’t.
Maybe if things were going better for me right now. If I were stronger. But they’re not and I’m not and maybes don’t mean much.
So I went out this afternoon and spent a while picking out an extravagant wedding present. I hope they like it. It’s not off the registry. I don’t do off the registry gifts for people I know well. I like to put a little bit more effort into it. Anyway, I called her and said that I know she’s probably going to be too busy for the next few weeks, at least until after the honeymoon, but that I want to come by and drop off the gift and take her out for dinner.
It’s what I can do.