Last night was the third, and as far as I’m concerned, the most useful night of Dating Bootcamp thus far. Officially the theme for the night was “How to Get a Guy”, but a better name for it would have been, “It’s Time to Get Over Yourself and Face Facts – Women In NYC Need to Be More Aggressive”.
And for the first time, I was in complete agreement with them. Really, I don’t think there was any major thing the hosts said all night that I could quibble with.
Here’s the deal – there are approx 200K more single women than men in Manhattan (210K according to the author of Who’s Your City, Richard Florida). And as I’ve written about, way too much, men in NYC tend to date women who are a bit younger than they are. So any women over the age of 30 is pretty much screwed if she expects some great guy to just come up to her in a bar (or a book store, supermarket, cafe, etc) and start a conversation. It might happen a few times a year, but it’s not going to happen on a regular basis. Sorry.
OK, well it might happen if you look 10 years younger than you are, because then guys in their twenties will hit on you (this still happens to me sometimes). But the guys in their 30s, or god forbid the ones in their 40s, forget about it. I’m not even going to bother getting into the hundred and one reasons why it’s not going to happen. It’s just not.
So smart women, the ones who are willing and able to take control of their own destinies need to be willing to initiate contact with those guys. It’s not about being pushy or overly aggressive. It’s certainly not about throwing yourself at every cute guy that crosses your path. But if a woman isn’t willing to stick her neck out and say hello to a guy who catches her eye, then she’s gonna get awfully lonely.
Anyway, I was SHOCKED at how many women at the session last night said (by a show of hands) that they’d never approached a man. It was a diverse group, but it trended kind of post 30+ if you catch my drift. Lots of designer clothes and make up and clearly no clue. Less of a clue than me. Which is saying something.
There were women who said, during the Q&A, that they were under the impression that it was against “the rules” to approach men, That guys were completely turned off by women who initiated contact. I was horrified and saddened, really, that there were grown women who still believed that nonsense. But then, maybe I’m in the minority. Maybe lots of women still do believe that. Maybe I’m an outlier here. And maybe there are still men who think it’s a major turn-off to be approached by a women.
So here’s this week’s poll question: What do you think about women approaching men? Do you think it’s a smart idea, or something that shouldn’t happen?
- I like it. I think more women should do it. (80 votes)
- I don’t like it. Men should be the ones who initiate first contact. It’s their role. (23 votes)
- I don’t have an opinion. (10 votes)
Tags: dating bootcamp, polls