Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Friends and Lovers

This week we’re fortunate to have another story from Pipeline.

“She was probably one of my best friends, someone I could talk to about almost anything, someone who would take my side no matter what (in Alaska we measure friends by who has our back in a bar fight), and someone I loved and cared deeply about.

She was a willing partner in bed, but something didn’t work.

I was reminded of my good friend, when the postings were about how there are two components to a relationship, one is the ability to get along with someone, and one is the ability and the interest of a person in bed. It seemed to come down to a question of what would a person do — should they see if they have a computability with everything else before they go to bed, or try sex and see.  I don’t know the answer to that – nor could I offer any advice, I can only tell you my story.

I met Betty when I started work in the corporation.  She was well liked by her peers, had a skill set for her job that made her indispensable, and almost every guy liked her because she was feminine in a man’s world, but never would back down from a fight if need be.

Since the division I worked in did a lot of collaboration with her division, I was always happy when there was a joint project. We worked well together – and seemed to put our heads together well with problems that came up. I was new to the city, and she was helpful to tell me about restaurants, clubs, and fun places to hike, run, and enjoy.

Our departments had a lot of joint meetings, which I started since we collaborated on a number of projects. At the end of those Friday afternoon meetings we would go out for a cocktail and she and I seemed to always be the last one there.  Finally, we stopped telling people about the Friday afternoon cocktails and started to just go out for a drink on Fridays. Always to talk about work, and we always hugged as she left. The hugs seemed to last a bit longer as time went on.

I knew she was involved with a fellow co-worker, and I didn’t really want to create a mess at my job. Still, I thought Betty was someone I wanted to get to know after hours. When I started dating another co-worker I was surprised when Betty asked me, on one of those Friday afternoon cocktail hours — “What does she have that I don’t?”

I looked at her and said that she didn’t, and that I really always wanted to go out with her, but didn’t want to ruin what we had at work, and didn’t want to get into a mess with her boyfriend, who was also at work.

We went out to a movie, but, like some kid, started to make-out in the movie and didn’t finish it before we were at my place  having sex.  The sex was ok, not great, but sometimes when you start having a relationship with someone it is awkward.

She had a rather turbulent break-up with her boyfriend, and it did send some repercussions through the department because I wasn’t the only one who wanted to date her.

We finally started going out.  Betty was everything a person would want – she was my best friend, she was great to talk to about things at work, and great to talk to about things in general. She was well-read, she was interesting, she had diverse but well-thought out opinions, and always wanted to go somewhere new and interesting.  Life was good, except for the bedroom. Not that she was a bad lover, not that she wasn’t interesting — she was -but the interest there became less and less.

Eventually the only time we had sex was when we  left town. Eventually that wasn’t working.

We continued to live together for several years — still great friends, but if we had sex once every few months it was a good quarter. I thought that it was me, that I needed Viagra or testosterone, or something. I  went through testing – nothing. But, I did notice that I would be aroused with other women.

One weekend in Vegas I met some buddies and got introduced to a pretty lady. She and I went out on the town, and after a lot of drinking ended up back in my suite where we had sex all night long. I almost cried. I didn’t know it could still work. I felt guilty by the betrayal.

Betty and I tried hard to make it work. I was honest with what happened in Vegas – and she was quick to forgive  We tried  therapy, it just wasn’t  there. Moving out was the hardest experience of my life, but it gave her and I a new life.

To this day she and I talk at least once a week, and I still love her deeply but no interest in sleeping with her – we tried, it doesn’t work. When different girlfriends meet her they become jealous because Betty and I have so much in common and chat like old friends. Betty lives with a wonderful guy who she is engaged to.

Sexual incompatibility doesn’t work for me – it might for others. I tried – I fought the fight for years, and while I lived with a wonderful lady – there is another part to my life.”

Yesterday, I received a message from Pipeline on Twitter.  Betty is now engaged to someone else. She got married yesterday (misread that first message – oops).  He’s very happy for her.

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1 to “Friends and Lovers”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I wish I couldn’t relate to this.