Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Top 3 Things I Learned In Dating Bootcamp (for real)

I’ve been having some fun, both here and on Twitter, poking fun at the I attended for the past two weeks. I’m still a little shocked I was invited to attend.  I mean, I get they wanted dating bloggers but I am so totally opposed to the whole dating advice industry that I would seem to be the last person they’d want in the audience.

And some of the things they advocate are pretty freakin ridiculous.  But enough about that.

Truth is, that I absolutely positively agree with a few of the things they said. Not many.  Just a few.  But since I’ve spend the last couple of weeks poking fun, I thought it would be cool if I actually spent some time telling you some of the good stuff.

  1. are attracted to women who do not lose their identity.  This is the number one mistake I make in relationships. My last serious was with a man who was in the entertainment industry.  He worked crazy hours.  I don’t mean that he worked a lot. He did.  But also, he worked hours that were crazy.  He’s start in the afternoon and work through to 4 or 5am.  I was 9am -7 or 8pm back then.  So what did I do?  Well, I started to slack off at work, and missed a lot of sleep so that we could be together.  I thought I was being flexible, but really I was changing my whole world around for him.  And I know that it eventually changed the way he saw me.  Not in a good way.
  2. Men are attracted to . This sounds simple enough, but it’s something a lot of women overlook.  We think it’s about things we can buy or hours at the gym, but it’s really not.  I know that I get a lot more attention from men now, in my late 30s than I did in my late 20s.  I haven’t had plastic surgery or undergone some radical makeover. In fact, I look pretty much the same.  I just feel a lot better about myself and it shows.
  3. This should barely even count, it’s so simple – the most important thing to men is a woman’s looks. Is that all men care about?  No.  But for the vast majority, a guy’s not going to be the slightest been interested in a women who doesn’t do it for him in the looks department.  We may not like this, but tough.
  4. OK, I didn’t actually learn any of this stuff at Dating Bootcamp.  I was reminded of it.  And it never hurts to be reminded.

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10 to “Top 3 Things I Learned In Dating Bootcamp (for real)”

  1. SpikeTheLobster says:

    #1 and #2 are spot on, absolutely – and it works both ways. Although #3 is painful in its truth, I think it applies to women over a longer period of time. My partner tells me this, since I can’t verify it myself (not being female): she reckons that women are actually a lot worse in caring about looks than men are. Not always true, of course (same for men), but she tells me that it’d be really difficult for her to go out with a guy she wasn’t physically attracted to, whereas I know I could easily date a girl in the reverse situation. (Food for thought, not an eternal truth.)

  2. Bob Matsuoka says:

    I’d quibble with that last point. I think men date women that meet their appearance “threshold”. But past that, other things become more important.

  3. browolf says:

    #1 and #2. true for both. I agree with bob over point number 3. Its just like that.

  4. quirkyeconomist says:

    Sometimes posts show up in my reader exactly when I need them – I’m having one of those weeks where my confidence feels shaky, partly because I think I’m giving up some of who I am for my relationship (or is it that I’m giving up some of who I am because I’m feeling low-confidence? Either way, not good). Thanks for the reminder that staying true to myself is not only good for me, it’s ultimately better for the relationship!

  5. TonyImages says:

    #1 I agree, flexible is one thing… but don’t change your world for mine.
    #2 to a point, I don’t necessarily need to be with an overly confident woman. Yes be somewhat assertive, speak your mind but over bearing and overly confident sends a signal that they are better than you and everybody else. I don’t need that kind of attitude in my life.
    #3 its like a good book cover.. you see it, it gets your attention and then you want to read the entire thing cover to cover. The attraction “initially” is a big deal…. but don’t mis-interpret attraction for “super model” I might just be attracted to the woman wearing work boots and t-shirt and all sweaty. Once I’m attracted to her that image never seems to leave my mind.. even if she dresses differently.

  6. Simone Grant says:

    I don’t doubt that you’re right. And in much the same way that it’s not all that men care about, it’s not all that women care about. But it matters. A lot.
    -Bob Matsuoka and browolf
    Note, I said that it wasn’t all guys cared about but as you say, they need to meet a threshold (you need to find a woman attractive) before anything else comes into play. And then the other things become VERY important. You just don’t notice those other things unless she meets the looks test.
    Welcome to the blog (I think this is your first comment – if it’s not forgive me -my memory is useless). I’ve been there. Over and over. And try to remember that he likes you for who you already are.
    No one said anything about overbearing. In fact, men have made it quite clear that you don’t want any woman around who’s too much of a decision maker. But that’s so another post.

  7. TonyImages says:

    Simone, I realize this “blog” is about you… but please stop misinterpreting my comments as some type of personal attack on you. (this is the second time) I commented about “MY” personal view on #1, #2 and #3 and what “I” think my friends say.
    But to rebut your comment its not a turn off (IMHO) for a woman to be a “equal” or “smart” or “confident” decision maker BUT an over bearing ( I interpret as OVER confident) woman is not attractive, be they 39 or 25 yrs old I don’t care how “hot” they are.
    You have mentioned that very thing here yourself a hot looking guy thats an ass-hole is not attractive.
    So if you don’t want a mans point of view take the comment section down or don’t have men who have opinions (who wasn’t at the boot camp) comment on your post.

  8. SerialSinner says:

    I agree with all of them, assuming that the men you are referring to are relatively (normal?) confident. Insecure guys would probably be intimidated by 1 and 2

    About 3, I think that bad looks are usually deal-breakers but not sufficient. I can only speak for myself, but I think that a gorgeous air-headed bimbo has no chance against a reasonably pretty smart and confident girl. At least not for a long-term relationship.

  9. Simone Grant says:

    Hmmm. I’m not sure where you think I’m attacked you. In the past I’ve disagreed with your advice to me on how to live my life. That’s my prerogative. You said you didn’t like overly confident/overbearing women. I commented on that. Everyone’s opinions are welcome here, but I prefer when people check their anger at the door. You tone is really kind of aggressive and as long-time readers will tell you, I have little patience for people not being nice to each other here.
    Little Patience.

  10. Simone Grant says:

    That’s a good point. I guess really insecure guys would prefer that the women in their lives lose themselves in their relationships and have no confidence of their own. Ugh.