Thank you so much to everyone for your thoughtful and supportive comments regarding my “Blog Policy” post, here, on Twitter and via direct messaging. I appreciate them. I also appreciate the messages of the WTF? variety. I know that I included a lot of info in that last post. It was long, and could have been even longer if I’d written everything that was on my mind.
Later today I’ll find some time to reply to the specific comments. Promise. Right now I just wanted to clarify a couple of things that I think I left fuzzy.
I was liking the European as a person and there was definitely some chemistry between us. I was concerned about my ability to be sexually attracted to him. I honestly didn’t know how big of an issue this was for me. I realize that some people can’t understand this. The truth is, I’d just never been in that situation before. Where a chubby, OK – FAT, guy and I got naked together. And like most things with me, I figured the only way for me to know was to actually go for it and try. I’m just like that. I’d rather try and fail than not try and not know.
What I didn’t say was that that night during dinner I’d had a lot more to drink than I usually do. A lot. And then I left my bedroom pretty damn dark (very unlike me, I don’t really have body image issues, I’m perfectly happy to walk around naked in the blinding sunlight and like to see my partner during sex). And I was fine. I wasn’t repulsed. But I was drunk and it was dark.
And while I was thinking he wasn’t substantive enough for a boyfriend, we like all of the same music and cultural stuff. Quite frankly, it’s been a lot of months since I’ve had anyone in my life to share those things with. Yes, I can go do those things alone. And I do. But it gets lonely. I get lonely. Loneliness bites. I thought that it would be nice to have someone to go do things with. A companion. A companion is different than a fuckbuddy. With my fuckbuddy(s) it’s just about sex. We don’t go see plays together.
Anyway, those are some of the things I left out of last night’s post. I’ll write about how things ended later today.
Tags: blog policy, fuckbuddy, loneliness, WTF