Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

In The End

So the European sent me that kinda of bizarre text on Sunday morning that I interpreted as, “don’t call me, I’ll call you”.  And then I didn’t hear from him again for a couple of days.  It was making me anxious because I really don’t like uncertainty.

Truth is that I’m a bit of a control freak.  It’s an issue.  I know.  And there have been many times that it’s gotten in the way of my life.  But I get anxious when I have no idea where I stand with people and with situations.

A part of me was relieved that I hadn’t heard from him.  Another part was disappointed.  And then another part was insulted.

And so Tuesday afternoon I sent him an that pretty much said, What’s the deal with you?  I said it as nicely as I could.  I guess.  But the probably also made it clear that I kind of didn’t care one way or the other.

He replied with a long, strange email about how he was having these big personal issues (he was a bit more specific, but I won’t be here) and that he didn’t feel comfortable sharing them with me.  And that he needed to focus on himself.  And that he thought we probably didn’t have a future together anyway.

Anyway, like i said – relieved, insulted, relieved.  Happy it was settled.  And quite sure that he will be out there on the dating sites, nonstop.  I’m guessing this is his pattern.  A few dates, sex, move on.

I just can’t help but feel like I’ve spent the last few years of my life on a man merry-go-round.  And yes, I can get off anytime I want.  And nothing will change until I change.  But I find it all kind of exhausting.  Because I really do want to believe that there’s one of them that’s going to be different.  All I need is one.


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6 to “In The End”


  1. Darthoreo says:

    I hope that they is one guy out there for you thats different enough to be the one that shines for you.

  2. pansophy says:

    I’ve noticed that I’ve been able to make the biggest changes in my life by operating out of my weaknesses rather than my strengths. Sort of paradoxical I know, but I think its rather universal.

    I can talk about who I am and express my feelings authentically ad nauseum. I’m really good at it. Too good at it and in fact this is where most of my best defenses are too – the things that keep me protected and as a byproduct, prevent me from changing.

    Fighting on the other hand isn’t a strength of mine. When I took up martial arts I found that in order to get better and change my movement I had to change who I was. Here though there was no analyzing or figuring out myself. I just had to change in order to move differently, and as a result it also bypassed all my normal defenses.

    For other people I know the opposite is true. They have to express themselves in order to change. So for each person what will they need to change will be quite different from another person. Also its not as if my strengths don’t come into play at all. I was able to understand the changes afterward and see how they were for the better. Its just to make the change itself I had to operate out of a weakness.

    I dare say that dating is a strength of yours. If you want to make a change in your relationship pattern operate from a place you aren’t as good at and see if produces different results.

  3. Dan in Kan. says:

    Simone, if you really can “get off anytime you want,” why would you even NEED a man? ;) sorry about that, but it was just too good to resist. i admit i probably read that part in a different way than you had intended! :) you are wayyyyyyy too good of a catch to put up with jerks like the european. seriously.

  4. SpikeTheLobster says:

    Aw, hun. I was going to go into this whole big comment about things, when I realised it would be better just to say “The European is an ass.” That says more than 1,000 words could, for both of you.

  5. Singlegal says:

    Good call on this being his “thing” – but good gawd, why? (Not intentionally generalizing) but I’ve got to imagine that dating gets just as tedious for men like The European as it does for us. Why would he WANT that? But, if he does, I’m glad he’s not taking you along for the ride.

  6. Simone Grant says:

    -Darthoreo
    Me too. And if not, oh well.
    -pansophy
    I understand the logic in what your saying. But like I said in the comments of another post, beyond arranged relationships/matchmaking I do not see any way around dating. It is a fact of life for a single woman. I can either date or I can sit at home and have no man in my life at all except for the occasional tryst with my fuckbuddy. No thanks.
    -Dan in Kan.
    First, welcome to the blog. I’m not sure what you mean. Really. And I don’t need a man. I’d like one.
    -SpikeTheLobster
    Thanks sweetie. Pretty good summary.
    -Singlegal
    Your guess is as good as mine, honey. I know there are men who want nothing but variety and enjoy “the chase”. So maybe that’s it. But really, I don’t know and I don’t care. As starangel would say, “been there, done that, got the t-shirt.”