I didn’t deal well with my last breakup. I’m not talking about that little thing I had with Mr. Potential back in the early winter. There wasn’t much of relationship there and so not much of a breakup.
I haven’t had a real relationship in over a year. Long before I started this blog. And when that ended, I didn’t deal with it well.
I’m not going to point fingers or complain about what a total jackass the ex was/is. That’s not the point of this post. I just want to state, on the record, that I was a total mess for months. I actually left the country for a couple of months to try to get away from “it all”. Whatever that means.
I cried a lot. A lot. And every time I thought I was completely cool with it and that I’d never shed another tear over him, something would happen and I would start all over again. Sometimes it would be him contacting me. Sometimes it would be something I read or heard that made me think of him. It doesn’t matter why. The point is, I had those feelings all bottled up and it took a long while for them all to come out and and get resolved.
I’m so over it now. In a way that makes me feel strong and confident. Like I’m not afraid to let myself care about someone new.
So why am I mentioning this? Well, there happen to be some really cool women out there in the blogosphere who are dealing with the aftermaths of breakups right now. And the general vibe out there seems to be that crying is something a girl shouldn’t do. That we should be able to get over these feelings quickly. Or maybe not have them at all? I don’t know.
I’m not judging anyone else or telling anyone what to do. Just telling my story. I was a freaking wreck. Like you can’t even imagine. I thought that he was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with (or at least a good many years). And then he wasn’t. And that change in my thinking made me unbearably sad. For a long time. And so I cried.
I’m one of those pro feeling people. I’d rather live richly, with lots of highs and lows, than live moderately without the peaks and valleys. I don’t love drama. But I do love passion and excitement and well, I think you get the point. I cared about the ex a lot. I’d invested a lot in the vision I had of our future together. Those were big feelings. It just seems natural to me that it was followed by great sadness.
Alright, I’ve babbled enough. Note to self, stop blogging in the middle of the night.
Tags: break up, ex-boyfriend, feelings, sad