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I’m Being A Jerk

A friend of mine is getting married next month.  A good friend. And I still haven’t RSVP’d to the .  The RSVP by date was days ago.

Let’s face it, I’m being a rude jerk.

I adore this friend.  I helped her pick out her wedding dress.  I’m really, really happy for her. I’m not in the slightest bit feeling any resentment or jealousy or any of that crap.

Really.

It’s silly.

It’s an out-of-town wedding.  Not out-of-town, as in across the country, but out-of-town, as in a several hour drive from the city.  And I don’t drive.  At all.  And all of the my usual +1s, the male friends who I’d count on go to weddings with me are too busy right now to take a whole weekend off.  Because that’s what it would take.  An overnight trip.  It’s really too far to do as a daytrip.

And I’m so very right now.

The other thing is that I won’t know anyone there but the bride and groom.  Me and the bride are old friends from a job we used to have.  We bonded over severely insane working conditions and have stayed friends for years.  But I never got to know her other friends.  Oh, and she’s a few years younger than me.  And the groom is a few years younger than her.  So probably all of the single people at the wedding (as I’ve been assured there will be many) will be much younger than me.

I don’t want to not go.  That would break my heart.  I’m not really into weddings, but this one actually sounds like it could be OK.  And I helped pick out the dress.  But I don’t want to go either.

And so I’ve ignored the invitation clinging to my refrigerator (I have a cute little magnet collection).  Oh hell.


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18 to “I’m Being A Jerk”


  1. wwfchic says:

    buy me a plane ticket – i’ll come up and we’ll go together…come on – it’ll be fun!

  2. lostplum says:

    Is it more the drive thing, or the no date for wedding thing. I’m sure you can always find someone up for a weekend trip to someplace other then the city! But if it’s more being alone at the wedding I get that. You can always go to go, and not stick around for the akward “social” after dinner stuff. But who knows maybe those younger people have hot dads ;)

    I have the same type of invite pinned to my board for my cousins wedding in July, with a note that says “cant wait to see you and (insert exs name)” we havent dated in years but my family loves him! Urg!

    Fact: you aren’t being a jerk!

  3. bellaressa says:

    lol@ buy me a plane ticket. I think you may have to suck this up and just go. Stop obsessing on you, I think you’ll be fine and you’ll actually have a good time. Just send back the RSVP.

  4. queenieNYC says:

    I totally understand where you’re coming from, but I also know that if you don’t go, you’ll be kicking yourself over it for ages and ages.

    So, my vote? RSVP a big fat yes, and turn the weekend into a fun time. Make it a weekend away with a wedding attached, so that you feel like you’re getting a bit more out of it.

    And, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone at the wedding! You never know…

  5. Singlegal says:

    I’ll be attending a wedding of a very good friend this Saturday. I get the delightful knowledge that this is a wedding the Ex boyfriend agreed to go with me to and then broke up with me. So, stag I shall be. This is a comfortable situation since I’ll know lots of people there, but I know how you feel. It makes for a long evening if you truly know NO one. I’d be inclined not to go …

  6. queenieNYC says:

    Ah, just re-read and noticed the “younger than you” singles. Whatevs – even if you don’t meet someone, at least you know there are other people there in the same boat for you to hang with. And, if you’re not loving it, you can always head home a bit early. No need to stay into the wee hours…

  7. Teifion says:

    You’re not being a jerk, you’re just being rude and inconsiderate :P

    If I were living near you I’d offer to go (though you might find me too odd to feel comfortable declaring me your date), as it I’m not living near you and I’m assuming you won’t be sending me a plane ticket :P

  8. URwingman says:

    What’s funny about this is that all of us has had this thought going through their minds and because you have been able to put them in words and blog about it, it could make you look like a jerk.

    In fact, you’re not. You’ll probably end up going, but it’s not going to be easy. You’re a good friend so I don’t see you backing away from being her support on one of the most important days of her life.

    If anything, you’re considerate and thoughtful.

  9. Anonymous says:

    why don’t you take Coach or the European?

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    You all made me smile, which is a good start. wwfchic, bellaressa, Teifion – I wish I could afford to buy someone a plane ticket. One of my best guy friends lives in another city and, in the past, when I wasn’t broke, that’s what I’d do. But neither he nor I are all that financially solvent nowadays. :-(
    -lostplum,
    It really is the layers of things. It’s the no date, and the how do I get there and the awkwardness of it all.
    -queenieNYC
    Yes, if I don’t go I’ll be kicking myself. Although this friend is such a good person that she’ll go out of her way to try to make me not feel bad about it.
    -Singlegal
    That’s really the biggest issue for me. The not knowing anyone. If I had to go alone but would be in a room where I even knew a handful of people I’d be fine. But to be alone in a room of strangers. Ugh.
    -URWingman
    I’m not so thoughtful. I’m obsessing over how this impacts me. Pretty self-centered.
    -Anonymous
    Coach has been out of the picture for over a week (see, “Dodged a Bullet”). I have my 3rd date with the European on Wed.). Way too early to be asking him to come with me to a wedding.

  11. Shannia says:

    Hey i’ll come with you, we’ll have a blast ;-) lol

  12. Anonymous says:

    I think a big help would be to call your friend. Explain everything is see what she says. I think the answer may become crystal clear at that point :)

  13. Anonymous says:

    oh, that was me bobbyboy that just commented.

  14. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Shannia
    I wish that were possible. We probably would have fun :-)
    -Bobbyboy
    I did something kind of like calling. I sent her an email, apologizing for being a jerk. And in the email was a link to this post. She can’t read my blog at work, and I have no idea if she’s seen it yet. But she did reply to my email right away telling me not to worry about it. I still feel bad, though.

  15. michlny says:

    Same situation…but friend was the groom and less of a close friend….I chose NOT to go. Sent my gift. Felt awesome and empowered. Had I gone, I would have felt sorry for myself every slow song, every dance I wanted to dance and sitting like a log at my table. Sometimes, it’s ok to be selfish.

  16. iamalejandra says:

    This **just** happened to me with my best friend!!
    She invited me with a +1, but I didn’t have a +1. The wedding was in a winery out east, so it was an overnight trip. I had no idea what to do until one of her friends, who I’ve known for a really long time but we’re not exactly closed asked me if I wanted to share the hotel room with her. We were THE ONLY TWO single girls in a party of 150+ people.

    And btw, I can drive ;)

  17. SINgleGIRL says:

    -michlny
    There is a part of me that very much wants to go that route. I totally understand why you chose it. If she wasn’t as good of a friend, I would’ve even me considering it. As it is, she and I have been exchanging emails about it and …. I still don’t know.
    -iamalejandra
    It’s funny how the driving thing makes it that much more of a pain/difficult decision, Why oh why am I such a bad driver (seriously – I cannot drive!!).

    I’ll keep everyone posted. This should get resolved soon. I’m such a geek. I can’t believe I let it go this long.

  18. NYCTravelgrl says:

    I’ve been on both sides of this situation so I can relate. Years ago, I went to a friend’s wedding where I knew no one except the couple days after breaking off a LTR – had a horrible time and left early, but kind of glad I saw her walk down the aisle. Now I’m getting married in a few months and a dear friend from college, who doesn’t really know my other friends, just broke off her engagement, and I don’t blame her at all if chooses not to come. It’s a really tough situation, but I’m sure your friend will respect your decision either way. Good luck.