This is the latest installment in our Sunday series of guest bloggers. I’ve really been enjoying these (and not just because it means I have one less post to write each week). You can take a look back at the whole series by clicking on the big blue “A Guy’s Story” right above the title.
This is Mr. G’s story:
I had many years to think about what I wanted in a relationship. Having had several soap opera-ish relationships, tons of hook-ups, and an instance of unrequited love, I thought myself ready for something more. That’s where M came in. We first connected through an internet dating site (I figured that that would be the most objective way of meeting a good match… after all, their matching methods are clinically validated, right?). Statistically speaking, she met all of my criteria: well-educated, attractive, similar religion/family values, etc. So I figured, “why not?”
When I first saw her, I was taken aback. She had the kind of eyes that you could stare into for hours. Her skin was silky soft. Let’s not talk about her curves (VERY NICE). I guess what I’m trying to say is, “she was packing heat”. That first date was the usual fair: small talk, clever comments, not over-stepping my boundaries, not making myself look too desperate, etc. And like so many love stories, one date became two, and two dates became several months. Before we knew it, “love” entered our vocabulary… but something wasn’t quite right.
M and I became quite the pair. Weekends were spent with each other. Every night, we spoke about the day’s happenings, engaged in small talk, and made plans for the upcoming weekend. Things were pretty much “ok”… not “great”, but “ok”. “Ok” was fine for me. On paper, we were a great couple.
I recognized that her type wasn’t the type that you come across on a regular basis. She was sweet, smart, and so very feminine; but something in me wasn’t quite clicking. It was almost like I was holding back with her. Other times in my life when I fell head-over-heels over someone (who was typically “bad” for me) I was an open book. Yet with this woman, I was a bag of mysteries; and she seemed to love it. I soon became the Sun to her Earth. Like every young 21st-century couple, our picture was up on every social network (placed there by her). However I hesitated to broadcast my love for her like I did for so many “wrong-for-me” women before her. In short, she was crazy over me.
As time went on, my doubts became too much to overlook. I soon found myself entertaining thoughts I NEVER thought of entertaining. That VERY attractive-but-attached coworker with the questionable values who seemed to look my way every time she walked by my office? I flirted with her. That HOT old flame who “felt the need to apologize” after so many years? I wanted to call her. All the while, M pined for my attention.
As the years went by, M and I had our ups and downs. We took “a break” for a few months (during which she slept with a friend because she felt “vulnerable” while I took some time to myself to clear my head). Nonetheless, we ended up in each others’ arms again. Like the other time that we were together, she was madly in love with me; but I couldn’t say the same.
Self-doubt plagued me. “If you weren’t so sure before, why the hell did you start up with her again? This kind of doubt is unfair to her. You should come clean and let her find the one that can keep a smile on her face. You both deserve to be happy… even if it’s with someone else.” These questions swirled around my mind for months while we lived out lives and continued to spend even more time together.
This weekend she started to ask me if I envision a “serious” relationship with her. I know her so “serious” means “life-long”. I gave her my usual matter-of-fact dance about “taking it one-day-at-a-time” but I think she knew something was different. She pressed the matter and I began to point out issues that I have with what she brings to the relationship (i.e. emotional neediness, constant need for reassurance, etc.). Before I knew it, I had deflected her into an argument about her constant need for emotional validation. I have to admit, I’ve done this many times before but this time it felt like I was fighting for my life. After several hours, she relented and recognized that I love her.
I once heard someone say that “love is the only thing you really need to make a relationship work”… THEY LIED. I love M. She is an incredible person. Nonetheless, I can’t help but to think about what’s out there for me. I’m a young, attractive, professional man who wants a real emotional connection with someone… I think you ladies know that I have my pick of the relationship-minded litter. Yet I still find myself looking for a window of opportunity AND the nerve to let M go… How is it that you can love someone so “right” yet yearn for more? I guess we never really know what we want.No tags for this post.