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7 Things A Guy Should Never Say Or Do On A Date

A few nights ago I met a friend for a drink at a bar around the corner from my . It’s not a bar I go to often, for several reasons.  Anyway, he and I were talking and I mentioned that the last time I was there was several months ago on a .

Go figure.

My friend asked me what made it a bad date.

And I kind of laughed.  Because it shouldn’t have been a bad date.  The guy was perfect on paper.  Hot (I wish I could triple underline here) and smart as hell (a professor of something very sexy).  But he just said and did a bunch of really horrible things that made it impossible for me to like him.  If he’d have said or done any one of these things, I still wouldn’t have liked him.

So here we go, my list of things a guy should never say/talk about or do on a date:

  1. He made a blatantly racist comment.  Not only that, but he didn’t even realize he was being a racist.  Moron.
  2. He was cheap.  He insisted on paying and then didn’t leave a tip.  I would have been happy to pay for my own drink AND leave a tip.
  3. He was divorced and had a kid who lived with his mom.  I gathered from our conversation that he saw his kid every other weekend.  He told me he didn’t really have time to see his kid more often.  Sorry, but a guy who can’t make time to see his kid more that a couple of times a month is SO not sexy.
  4. He bragged about having a very privileged upbringing and how his parents were able to buy his way back into school after he was tossed out for bad behavior.   Why would he think that would be a cool thing to talk about?  Like I’d care that he was a bad boy teenager who got away with murder because his parents had money.  Who would find that sexy?  What 40+ year old talks about shit like that on a date.
  5. He talked about how hot his ex was.  WTF!
  6. He complained about his finances (which, from what I could tell were quite comfortable).  Not on a dude.  Or a second or a third.
  7. He answered his phone.  It wasn’t work and it wasn’t his kid (I have infinite patience for men taking business calls or taking/making calls to children).  It was a casual call that didn’t seem all that important.  Maybe it was more important than it seemed.  But he answered it, talked right there in front of me for a few minutes and then went back to our conversation with just a casual, “oh, sorry about that”.  Not OK.

This is my list.  These things may not apply to every woman.  Maybe there are some women out there who wouldn’t mind a cheap guy, or a racist one, or one who talks about how hot his ex is.  But I sure don’t know any of them.

What about you ladies?  What would be on your lists?

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47 to “7 Things A Guy Should Never Say Or Do On A Date”

  1. wwfchic says:

    * wearing a fanny pack
    * pulling out a coupon
    * picking me up in a camaro
    * crappy tipper
    * not walking me to my car

  2. bellaressa says:

    SG, I agree with all of the above. I have no idea what he was thinking. Maybe he wanted to relive his youth? wwfchic, I agree with you in the fanny pack – I loath them.

  3. Angella Ellisha says:

    Wow, this guy sounds like a real winner. A racist with a well-off upbringing who won’t leave a tip and talks about his ex. Wow. Red flags like none that I’ve ever seen!

  4. queenieNYC says:

    I cannot believe this all happened on one date. That is INSANITY! He’s the Bermuda triangle of bad behavior.

    Crappy tipping is something that drives me nuts, date or no date. I once had a business lunch with a vendor (I was the customer). We went to one of my favorite restaurants, and he left a 7% tip. I left him outside and snuck back in to slip the waiter another $40.

    Anyone who reaches the age o 40 and still things it’s cool to get kicked out of school (especially someone with a CHILD) is an imbecile, privileged upbringing or not.

  5. Miss Sensuality says:

    Hysterical! “How to lose a girl in ten minutes:) “- great post!

  6. DreamChaser says:

    A couple of times I’ve been asked “Hey do you want to have sex with me?” on the first date. Like wtf is wrong with these people? It’s the FIRST DATE dude.. Ugh.

  7. Erica Dana says:

    Or he was intentionally being the World’s Biggest D-Bag to make you NOT like him because he didn’t really like you.
    Not that that’s what anyone wants to hear. But it happens … on sitcoms at least.

  8. Dazzlinglysingle says:

    I can’t believe this guy….

  9. Anonymous says:

    Haha, hilarious as always. I can’t wait for your book! You have got to write one!
    Here are my 7 I cant deal w/ ever, much less a 1st date!
    ~ I have 3 children ( by 3 different women )
    ~ I want to Phuck you ( hard ) & I can look into your eyes & tell you want it to (wtf?)
    ~ Every woman I meet wants to marry me (get over yourself)
    ~ I only smoke weed occasionaly ( I’m a cop moron!)
    ~ Will you handcuff me? (perv)
    ~ The telling of gay jokes……(spare me)
    ~ I take care of my parent ( i.e I live in the basement of my parents home)


  10. MVD says:

    Have you considered setting your targets on overweight oafs who care little for appearence or finances. In most cases, this breed is undeniably witty, and often hilarious. In other words, can you look past ass crack to find genuine love?

  11. Shannia says:

    I have quite a few gay guy friends and I love them, so when a guy tells me he can’t stand gays on a first date, i know there wont be a second.
    a guy that doesnt pick up the check (cheap a**)
    a man that doesnt offer to drive me home if i didnt drive or walk me to my car.
    there are soooo many turn offs but talking about the ex is the absolute one for me.

  12. SINgleGIRL says:

    -wwfchic and bellaressa
    OMG yes on that fannypack. I haven’t seen one of those in ages. Do people still have them?
    -Angella Ellisha
    Yeah, he was a charmer. And he was so sweet and humble when he met online and then spoke on the phone. LOL.
    I swear, all in one date. That’s a good way to describe it – the bermuda triangle on dates. Although it’s funny – this post has been getting lots of hits on Stumbleupon and there are a couple of guys there who think that this date did nothing wrong and I’m a picky bitch, so I guess it’s all a matter of interpretation.
    Oh and the tip thing, I wish I’d done that. I felt bad for days.
    -Miss Sensuality
    LOL. That should have been my subtitle. Maybe if I repost it.
    OMG, I heard that once. And I promptly got up and said, “No, but I’m going to leave now.” WTF?
    -Erica Dana
    Actually, he emailed first thing the next morning and said he’d like to see me again. I wrote back and said no. Politely, of course.
    Well, I think he’s a classic example of how some people never learn any manners.
    Funny, but I would actually imagine that as a cop you’d get some “special” idiots (like the guy who asked to be handcuffed on the first date). Sad, but funny too.
    Actually, I go out with a lot of guys who are a bit overweight. A guy’s looks in not my top priority. Nor is his income. But oafs? No darling, I don’t date oafs. Sorry.
    I agree with you 100% about the gay jokes. I’d be out of there so fast the guy wouldn’t know what hit him.

  13. SimplyLSC says:

    Here are a few I’ve encountered on first dates:
    Asking if we could go to Hooters to eat. He claims they had great food. (are you freaking serious?)
    Asking for a handjob 5 mins after I met him.
    Oh here’s a good one. I was getting my dinner wrapped up, because I didn’t eat alot, and he actually asked me “Are you bulimic? Is that why you are taking your food home?”

  14. Anonymous says:

    DreamChaser – I hate to break it to you, but sometimes sex happens on the first date The trick is to get her to think it’s her idea. Most women want romance and adventure*. Sex can offer both.

    (*In the short term. In the long term they want stability and to feel cared for.)

  15. TerrySimpson says:

    From the guy’s side similar items

    (a) we don’t want to hear about how bad your ex was – really, we don’t. Sorry, he’s an ex- if you want to work through it get a shrink –

    (b) If you have kids, its ok – you don’t have to pretend like they don’t exist. Then we think you are hiding something — on the other hand- it is a date to find out about you and if you spend the date showing photos of your kids- well, nice kids.

    (c) we know you are busy and work, so are we — got a blackberry — please leave it alone. If you can’t take an hour or two to eat – then you can’t. If you are a doctor (like me) I understand having to take calls. Texting, emailing, etc — not too cool though

    (d) I really don’t expect you to pay for dinner. I really don’t. If you insist I won’t be insulted, but if you get out a calculator to figure your portion — well, last date.

    (e) I’m not going to be staring at other women – please don’t look around the bar like a bear looking for fresh meat.

    (f) We really do want to hear about you, your interests — we do not want to hear about your job and the troubles you are having there. Plenty of time for that later – not on the first date. Sorry you had a bad day at work – my patient died, and I won’t tell you that – so lets talk about what you find interesting and see if we both do. I really don’t find your job interesting yet – I might, just not tonight.

    (g) I don’t have any assumptions about where the date will lead other than a pleasant evening. Sometimes it can lead to sex, but I don’t expect that. But if you start out drawing the lines of what will happen and not happen — I’m already bored and wondering if your life is so rigid.

  16. bellaressa says:

    SG, you would be surprised at how many people still wear fanny packs especially men.

  17. Shannia says:

    One guy actually thought he’d be funny and imitated the Indian accent… on a first (and last) date.
    So my girlfriends do it all the time, it’s funny and they’re my friends, they know all my family and it’s a little inside joke we have when talking about my dad (who has the worst accent ever and he knows it) but on a first date you don’t make fun of a girls culture.

  18. guy says:

    lol….I’ve done a couple of these things….not walked to car and acted not so nice because I was embarrassed to be seen with the blind date midget.

  19. SDpro says:

    Wow ! Sounds like a real winner and like a date I was supposed to have:)

  20. mocona says:

    All of that crap in one evening? Wow.. and he’s got an ex-wife? wonder why someone would marry him in the first place…. ck ck ck.. maybe a very very very desperate woman..

  21. SINgleGIRL says:

    OMG, I thought I picked winners. You might have just won the daily prize. I’m laughing, but also very sad.
    We’re all grown-ups here. We know that sometimes people have sex on the first date. But only a total moron would go about asking for it the way DreamChasers did. And, well, I’m not even going to go into the how I feel about the statement “the trick is to get her to think” it’s her idea.
    Good list. It seems like reasonable things to expect. But then reasonable and dating so seldom go together.
    I can be a little oblivious about things like that. I am so glad I haven’t noticed a fanny pack in years.
    Please tell me you got up and left. That crosses a line. A great big one.
    Yeah, I used to think I had the worst luck. But then I realized that it’s just because I go on so many dates. Odds are some of them are going to be ghastly.
    Yep. All in one night. And it does make you wonder about the ex -LOL.

  22. V J says:

    7 (or more) Things A Guy Should Never Say Or Do On A Date: [The Short list]

    1.) Are you going to eat that?

    2.) Are those real?

    3.) So were you hard at work today or hardly working?

    4.) Wait, are you really going to order that? That’s so expensive/crude/embarrassing…

    5.) So tell me how you last relationship ended.

    6.) You know, you’d look really cute w/ a little make up, w/o glasses, w/your hair longer, if you smiled more.

    7.) No, for real? You really think that? You can’t be serious! Rush was saying today that…

    8.) Pick your nose, openly. Ditto for teeth. Ditto for ‘adjusting’ yourself.

    9.) Call an ex to fill her in or ask a ‘vital’ question. Ditto for moms or any other relation.

    10.) As for bail money. Or money to get your car out of the impound lot.

    Cheers & Good Luck! ‘VJ’

  23. Simone Grant says:

    -V J
    OMG. Thank you so much for these additions. These are priceless (and frightening).

  24. Foldered says:

    A lot of those apply to “7 Things A Woman Should Never Say or Do On a Date”.

  25. jdirt2005 says:

    wait wait wait…go back to 5/15/09: what’s wrong with a fanny pack? it’s like three pockets rolled into one, that can be disengaged with a cool little clip when you need less pockets. AND they come in cool colors…like neons, or zebra striped.

  26. Simone Grant says:

    First, welcome to the blog! And yes, you are certainly right.
    Welcome to you, too. Tell you what – you wear a zebra stripe fanny pack on your next date and then report back to me:-)

  27. Anonymous says:

    I can’t believe you threw away such an excellent catch. He was a hot professor, and I’m assuming by “Hot”, with triple underline, you mean at least that he had all of his own original teeth.

    Point by point:

    1) He is obviously not color blind. This qualifies him for glamorous jobs as a pilot and an electrician/bomb defuser.

    2) He’s frugal. We can’t underestimate the importance of that in these tough economic times.

    3) He’s able to procreate. You won’t be left to waste thousands of dollars in some fertility clinic with this stud in the stable.

    4) He comes from a good family and there is possibility an inheritance in it for you if you hang on. Life of comfort? Ah, who would want that?

    5) He has high standards. You should be flattered that he considers you a prospect.

    6) Do you think real men of industry can turn it off? This guy is someone to watch. If he were a stock, he’d be a definite “BUY NOW!”

    7) He’s a man who values his friendships and just can’t get enough of people.

    Call him back. If he’s waiting… which I doubt.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Well, this makes me feel good about myself. I thought I was hopeless, but man.

  29. jackmeijer says:

    Good tips.

  30. DaveM says:

    I agree with a lot of the points ladies, and a lot of guys just do/say really stupid and retarded things, but before you place the blame squarely on the shoulders of men, let us not forget they are like this for a reason…. women.

    Have you ever put yourself in a mans shoes?

    Typically, the man is expected to do everything…. his job to ‘take you out’, his job to ‘be a gentleman’ his job to ‘impress’….

    Thats a lot of work and that can be very traumatizing for lots of men…. they do all this, only to be in a sense judged by the woman (she likes him or turns him down).

    Imagine going through all that work and constantly being turned down. How would you feel?

    Also, another HUGE problem is that many women today aren’t really women anymore. Not sure if you realize this, but we’ve been going through a massive gender reversal for years.

    in a lot of cases, women act like men so often during work etc, they don’t know how to turn that off and act like a woman. Guys are becoming ‘metro sexual’ when women are becoming more masculine.

    Us men want a woman who acts like a woman, not a woman who acts like a man.

    Women today are very different than their mothers and grandmothers were.

    Also, in many cases, women today have a horrible attitude of expectation. Its more noticeable in places like LA, NY, MIA, but many women expect based on their looks that they deserve everything….

    btw fanny packs are kinda big in europe…. but then again they also wear speedo’s. :-)

  31. Anonymous says:

    I think both sexes on a date should be careful on the first date es’pang go some place simple, and reasonibley priced, so then get to know each other , you should not ever present your problems, abut any thing, and try to see what the orher person likes are, and compermize, so both can injoy their selves, nothing perfect.

  32. mynameisirrelivant says:

    this should be called 7 reason why stuck up bitches will die alone…don’t get me wrong some of them were legit but answering a phone call? come on that’s just way too picky…and why the hell would you care if he didn’t leave a tip if you said you didn’t mind doing it? wtf?…take some advice lower your standards

  33. Teifion says:

    Your name is indeed irrelevant though you seem to have gone with “irrelivant”. But lets not declare you a moron just yet, I find it hard to spell even with the aid of a spell checker too and spelling is not the only mark of the intellectual and cultured person. Your comment carries no actual backup for your argument, you take the stance of insulting and leaving the advice that standards need to be lowered.

    As you fail to provide a solid logical argument for your post and also cannot find the shift key except for repeated question marks I can only assume that you have not through this through and are very confused.

    I suggest going outside and getting a life, you will soon find that you make far more friends being nice to people than you will being nasty. The only difference is that instead of this verbal gutting you may find physical abuse far more instrumental in your education of these fact.

    Now if you will excuse me I need to go and baste myself in tomato ketchup lest my skin turn purple.

  34. Betty Lash says:

    They should also never keep calling the waiter “BRO” or tuck the napkin in his shirt collar. Yes the same guy!!! He also got tired of eating his pork chop or chicken or whatever it was with a knife and fork; said “enough of this shit” and threw his utensils onto his plate letting the sauce splash everywhere!!! Maybe that was why he tucked the napkin in his collar???

  35. JohnWnewtodating says:

    First I’d like to thank all the ladies on here for a good list. This was probably the 10th website I went to for dating tips on what not to do on date that had a list not the 2 or 3 things that they didn’t like about one guy which was pretty much their own little pickyness(IE: He wore a tie and looked like a dork). As a guy having not dated before this helped a lot. I hope to check back soon and maybe find more things. Help is help and I’ll take it all. I also like the guy list cause it does help me see problem that I might have not thought of before. I do have a question though, does things like open her car door, helping her out of it, opening other doors and pulling her seat out, are those out of date? or are they more things that I should try to like I guess find out or feel out if she likes or not? I idolize the old style of being a gentleman but at the same time I have heard that such things just aren’t things that girls like anymore. Thanks again for the list :) have a good day/night everyone

  36. Anonymous says:

    Welcome to the dating world. I assume you’re young and just starting out in the dating world, so the best thing I can say is do what feels right to you! If you have those “old style gentleman” skills, go with it! You want to seem genuine in all that you do and say, but you can’t forget that you are also “on your best behavior”. As a Generation Y woman who has quite a bit of dating experience, I can tell you that I still value those sweet gentlemanly behaviors (opening doors, etc). However, it does make me feel uncomfortable if it’s over-the-top. For example, open her car door, but don’t necessarily help her out unless you parked in a place where it may be difficult (ie: muddy, on a hill, too close to the curb). The main point here is to avoid the rude behaviors that were listed in Simone’s post, but don’t over-compensate or coddle your date either.

  37. bellaviridis says:

    I went on a date recently with a guy who informed me (before teh date) that he would pick up the tickets (to the £10 comedy show we were seeing) and I could pay him back. Um… okk…
    He then told me (on the date) that he’d been fired from his job for *accidentally* hurting a child. Wow, can we say husband material?

  38. Simone Grant says:

    OMG – he wins the prize. Ouch.

  39. American Girl says:

    One of the things that I hate that men should not do is talking or texting with his cellphone. It is so darn annoying if the guy does this because it seems like you do not exist for Pete’s Sake. Seems like no consideration at all!

  40. nikapika says:

    OMG! seriously? wooooow I agree with Simone Grant – he should totally win a prize!

  41. Simone Grant says:

    -American Girl
    I’d say the phone and text thing goes for either gender. It’s just rude, whoever does it.
    I have had some wonderful dates. ICK
    AND Welcome, both of you.

  42. Jimmy Rice says:

    Haha, another great post…I have so much empathy with you. Here’s seven things WOMEN should never do on a date (all of these things have happened to me): reveal they have depression; reveal they have arthritis; apply make-up so badly it’s like kissing a pasty; lick the inner echelons of a man’s ear without warning; try and change your order so that it’s vegetarian like hers; lick your face during sex; show you a picture of their (I am sorry about this but) dead baby.

  43. Anonymous says:

    Funny, intelligent and witty! I like your style Simone. You’d probably never date me, but if I lived in the City, I’d sure want to check into the possibility! :-)

    Anyway, I’m no expert on dating, but to all the people that said you should or shouldn’t do things like open doors or other harmless courtesies, all I can say is that I’m going to behave the way I was raised to behave and if you find that offensive, then that’s just too bad. I probably wouldn’t want to spend too much time with you anyway.

    To my mind a little mutual respect solves most of the issues raised on both sides of the aisle here! If I’m with YOU, then I’m with you — not my cell phone, or my kids or my ex — sure I’ll talk about them if the conversation goes there, but I’m not there to talk about them; I’m there to talk about you and me. If you order something to eat, it’s presumably what you want to eat, and it’s not my place to tell you you’re wrong. If I can’t afford it, why did I agree to go there? If you want to share the check and that makes you feel good about yourself, it’s not going to crush my fragile ego. Waitstaff generally work hard to deserve their tips in my experience, and I tip well — unless they are unbearably rude or sloppy, in which case I reserve the right to express my displeasure by refusing to tip or leaving a lesser amount. That doesn’t make me cheap. Finally, sometimes chemistry ain’t happening, no matter how promising it seemed at the beginning — in which case we go our ways with no regrets on my part at least. The goal of ANY date I go on (not just the first) is to have fun and enjoy the company; not getting my undies in a knot over trivia is a good way to do that. Have fun!

  44. Datehater says:

    I completely agree, men can be so clueless at times. I’ve actually compiled a list of 25 if you wanna know!

    25 Tips To Save a Guy From On-Line Dating Disasters
    A/K/A How To Get a Second Date

    In addition to the obvious faux pas (and bad manners) of letting us split the bill or pay the tip, men should beware of the following no-nos when taking a girl out for the first time.

    1. Don’t ask us if we have a good body over the phone or email
    2. Don’t ask if we have any sexual hang-ups
    3. Don’t tell us your parents did a really lousy job raising you, but you’re trying to forgive them
    4. Don’t lie about your height or lack of hair, we’ll figure that out very quickly
    5. Don’t tell us you’re good looking, a good catch or a good kisser…we can find that out for ourselves
    6. Don’t ask if we’re high maintenance
    7. Don’t forget to mention that you were married briefly or have kids
    8. Don’t ask us out for the same day…or worse, ask if you can ‘come over’ at midnight. Just call it a damn booty call, we’ll respect you more.
    9. Don’t ask if we have a college ID so you can buy discount movie tickets
    10. Don’t tell us we look good for our age
    11. Don’t order a pina colada, strawberry daiquiri or other frozen drink that comes with an umbrella
    12. Don’t order a salad for dinner with light dressing on the side
    13. Don’t be rude or overly demanding to the waiter, it doesn’t make you macho, it makes you a jackass
    14. Don’t sit and scrutinize the bill for ten minutes and then ask, “What did you order again?”
    15. Don’t take home your leftovers
    16. Don’t hand us a Listerine strip after dinner, in preparation for the big kiss
    17. Don’t tell us you “gave up drinking” and not explain why…we’ll assume you’re an alcoholic
    18. Don’t sit and talk on your cell phone during dinner or even put it on the table and watch it light up every time you get a call
    19. Don’t call us babe, gal or hun
    20. Don’t leave your bong out on the table when you invite us over to your place
    21. Don’t leave copies of Playboy, Penthouse or Juggs in your bathroom for us to see
    22. Don’t have a stripper pole in your living room because you thought it would be “fun”
    23. Don’t admit to getting manicures and pedicures
    24. Don’t misspell our names when emailing us after a date
    25. Don’t say you’ll call…and then don’t. Say you had a nice time…good night

  45. Casual-Singles says:

    I think it is just plain rude when either party is texting during a date. Once you have been seeing each other for a while it is kinda ok, but not early on. AND, talking about your ex and how hot she is……well that us just crazy.

  46. candid says:

    my first date was a little boring.he asked me to have a drink at the bar and we were kind of shouting haha talking loudly because there was a band on stage.that’s a no no.a romantic dinner would be nicer than dating at thebar.

  47. Anonymous says:

    1) Not picking up the check. Sorry, I’m old-fashioned and that’s just how it is.
    2) Asking me how many sex partners I’ve had. MYO F’ing B.