Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Dodged a Bullet

Remember Coach?  Awesome first date, asked me out for a second date right away, talked about how much he wanted to have a serious relationship.  But he couldn’t plan a simple date to save his life and he bragged about being a mamma’s boy.

Well, he’s out of the picture.  Not because of anything that happened.  Well, not from my perspective.

He cancelled our not quite planned second date (He’d asked me out for “Sunday night”, I said yes.  We had no specific plan to do anything.  No time or place.) because of last minute family stuff.  I was completely fine with it.  I told him it was no big deal, that we’re grown-ups and grown-ups have responsibilities.  Then I had to cancel the night we’d next planned on meeting because I was just laid off and quite frankly in no frame of mind to go out and flirt.

Then I was out of town for week.  I told him I was going away, where I was going and how long I’d be gone.  I told him that I’d like to see him when I got back.  He sent me a text a couple of days after I left saying something about feeling like I was blowing him off.  I replied that that was ridiculous.  That I was out of town, and that I was looking forward to seeing him when I was back.  Mind you, he texted.  He didn’t call.  Or email where he could have written more.

Then a couple of days later he sent another text asking me if I wanted to get together the next night.  But I was still away and wasn’t going to be back then.  I replied and told him so.  I suggested we get together later in the week, when I was back.  I gave him a couple of potential days that I’d be available.

He didn’t reply.  I figured maybe he was feeling a little taken for granted (why, I have no idea, but then he always seemed a little on the side) and so I texted again a day later and asked him if he wanted to get together one of the days I suggested.  Why did I text instead of call or email?  Well, because I really didn’t want to talk with him right then.  I was busy and stressed out and dealing with family stuff and kind of feeling like he should have replied to me the day before.  I felt like I was going the extra mile by sending that second text.

Which he didn’t even answer.  He completely blew it off.  So this guy who was so into me on the first date that I thought it was a little creepy then goes and blows me off because I cancelled on him after getting laid off and then had to put off our next date for a week while I dealt with some family stuff out of town.

Whatever.  I feel like I dodged a bullet on this one.  I really have no patience for that kind of nonsense.


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10 to “Dodged a Bullet”


  1. Tokyo Cowgirl says:

    That sucks, I was really, really hoping things with you and him might work out (and yeah, it also sucks that I was wrong, he obviously wasn’t as genuinely interested in you as I had originally thought.

    You’re right, too, best to cut things off now before you end up emotionally involved with someone who is not emotionally mature.

    Sigh.

  2. starangel82 says:

    I agree. A bullet has been dodged. Quite frankly, I think he is being silly. I dated a guy like that a few years ago. Except he got his panties in a wad when I didn’t call and wish him a happy birthday. I told him I didn’t know his birthday because he hadn’t told me. That didn’t matter. Apparently I was supposed to by psychic and know after three dates everything about him. I didn’t have patience for that, so I totally don’t blame you for not having patience with Coach.

  3. ecletikfeel says:

    Coach sounds like the kind of man who likes to control the relationship on his terms. Regardless of the fact that you were handling life issues, he wanted to see you, when he wanted to see you. Especially if he’s a self-proclaimed mama’s boy, he’s probably spoiled to bits and used to getting what he wants, when he wants. He’s just acting like a spoiled brat (I hate when men act this way!)

  4. RVASarah says:

    Good riddance to Coach! I like the European much more. ;-)

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Tokyo Cowgirl
    Yeah, I liked him too. I’m not sure it wasn’t that he wasn’t interested, but that I couldn’t/wouldn’t be exactly who he wanted me to be. Been there, done that. *sigh*
    -starangel82
    You mean you’re not psychic? Yeah, neither am I. Neither do I have the ability to magically blink my way back into the city because some guy I barely know wants me to be there. Good luck to these guys on finding women with magical powers.
    -ecletikfeel
    You said it, “spoiled to bits”. And unfortunately I have a really sad and long history with guys just like that. I really don’t go looking for them. REALLY. But they do seem to come looking for me. I’ll have to think a bit about that. Maybe write about it. I know one thing, I’m through with the type.
    -RVASarah
    You said it sister. I’m seeing him Thursday night.

  6. browolf says:

    I think you got all the clues the first time around, inability to plan, inability to keep track of “important” information, overly keen….

  7. sparklytosingle says:

    Hmmm I can understand why he might think you’re blowing him off though. I think you both have a point. Obviously, life happens. You had to take care of yourself and your family things and that is totally reasonable – and you did the right thing. Obviously, your lay-off and your family comes before a date or two.

    It was really crappy timing though. It caused you to cancel/postpone/reschedule dates several times in a row. Though your reasons are totally legitimate, they could have easily been interpreted by Coach as creative excuses to ditch him because you didn’t have the guts to tell him you weren’t interested. Though I’m not sure why he wrote you off after you made an effort to contact him to reschedule later – he should have interpreted that as a sign of interest on your part.

    But sometimes crappy timing like this is all it takes to derail a potential relationship in the very early stages – it’s really fragile right at the beginning. One comment or rescheduled date can send things off course, whereas minor events like that don’t have the same power when the relationship has a more solid foundation. It just wasn’t meant to be.

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    -browolf
    Those clues were indeed all there. *sigh* I was hoping for a different interpretation.
    -sparklytosingle
    He and I were definitely in the potential relationship stage. And like you said, a lot of things can go wrong at that stage. But I suspect if this didn’t derail us there would have been some other issue, sometime soon. I don’t have the patience for spoiled.

  9. browolf says:

    it seems to me people are inclined to ignore the little things which would undoubtedly compound over time and drive you round the bend in favour of the big things which make you feel good in the moment. Its always the little things that make all the difference.

    As to timing, the truth to any person is their ability to deal with the unexpected the unfortunate etc, the sooner you know how that is the better.

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    -browolf
    Everything you’re saying makes a world of sense to me. Now to live it.