Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Purity Test

I’ll be the first to admit that my mind is a bit warped.  Sometimes I just make the strangest connections.

One of the first things I thought of after reading Mr. Newlywed’s story this weekend were those old purity tests that we used to take back in the dark ages (aka, high school).

Does anyone out there remember those?  They were lists of question ranging from the fairly innocent (have you ever held a boy/girl’s hand) to the X-rated (have you ever had a 3-way).  Anyway, one of the things that I remember about those purity tests was that everyone would share their results, like “I’m 65% pure”. And sure enough, the purest people dated the purest people and the less pure dated the less pure.  The good boys with the good girls and the bad boys with the sluts.

Anyway, it doesn’t take too much of a stretch to see what this has to do with Mr. Newlywed’s situation.  He was a “bad boy” who married a “good girl”.  Sure, their situation is a lot more complicated than that. A lot.  But at it’s heart, there is the fact there they are a mismatch in the version of life.

And sure enough, there were a lot of comments made, both here and on Twitter, of the, “I could never date a ” variety.  Which leads me to this week’s question -

Does your partner’s sexual history matter to you (not for health reasons, but for reasons of compatibility)?

  • Yes. I can’t imagine having a relationship with someone who was a lot more or less experienced than me. (14 votes)
  • Not at all. I just don’t see how this matters. (29 votes)
  • It could matter. I guess it depends on the specifics. (56 votes)

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11 to “Purity Test”


  1. sfsingleguy says:

    I don’t mind good girls, as long as they are willing to learn a trick or two. And if they are more experienced, I don’t mind learning a trick or two myself :)

  2. SpikeTheLobster says:

    I don’t see that it matters, really, provided it doesn’t matter to both parties. I’d probably be a little put off by a lady who was reeaaally wild or had done things I would never do, but I don’t think it’d make a significant difference. By the way, I still have one of those tests somewhere on my PC – from about 20 years ago…!

  3. queenieNYC says:

    For me, it’s not the level of experience that matters – it’s how you feel about the experiences you’ve had.

  4. FoodHussy says:

    You can’t change the past so why worry about it. If you like the person now then that’s what counts.

  5. Veka says:

    Health aspects aside (STD’s etc.), I think it would matter more to me if they were less experienced than more experienced. As long as I’m not being compared to, I don’t think more experience is a bad thing… it has seemed to always work out to my advantage! Same with the opposite… less experience, well, you know what I’m going to say.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -sfsingleguy
    That’s very open-minded of you. I don’t know why, but I always thought that guys didn’t want to be with women who were a lot more experienced than them. Myth? Huh.
    -Spike
    OMG, I hadn’t realized those things made it across the Atlantic. I’m going to have to find some time to go poking around the net and see if I can find a version that looks familiar. That would totally blow my mind.
    -queenieNYC
    What a totally mature perspective. And I say that with the utmost respect.
    -FoodHussy
    You’re right. You can’t change the past. And it is the present that matters. I guess I’m the weird one with the hang ups here.
    -Veka
    That’s my thing. I wouldn’t be cool if they had less experience than me. Or at least not significantly less.

  7. LeJa says:

    I have to admit, I am kinda put off that I have way more experience than the guy I am dating. I have never been in that situation before. But in saying that, it really doesn’t matter to me, other than the fact there might have to be a bit of role playing… teacher and student.. if you get what i mean :)

  8. sparklytosingle says:

    Well, I’ve had some difficult sexual issues in the last two relationships, so I’m a bit gun-shy with guys who pressure me to get crazy. That tends to happen with guys who have a lot more experience than me, either in number of partners or years of experience or the types of sexual activities they’ve tried. I’d rather be with someone who has less experience, as long as they’re open-minded and willing to try new things (which I find most guys are), because I find I can set the pace and that is more comfortable for me. I have even been with a virgin (when I’d been sexually active for 9 years already) and that didn’t bother me because he was totally willing to learn what I liked and try everything.

  9. lorilori17 says:

    I subscribe to the Dan Savage Campsite Theory – “Leave them better than you found them, the next person will thank you” :)

    It can be hard when one of the people in the couple has significantly less experience than the other. People think they are open-minded until they are confronted with hard realities about not satisfying their partner. It’s not always easy to hear, or say.

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    -LeJa
    Oh, I get what you mean. And hey, as long as you are comfortable with that and can have fun with it then I say YEAH FOR YOU.
    -sparklytosingle
    I can totally see you point, and like I said to LeJa, if it’s a role you’re comfortable with then I say YEAH FOR YOU. I guess I am just really uncomfortable in that “teacher” role. That’s me. My quirk. And I have to deal with it.
    -lorilori17
    Totally awesome that you quoted Dan Savage here (I do love his column). And yes, if can be really hard when one person has significantly less experience than their partner. As open minded as we all like to believe we are…

  11. SecretNature13 says:

    We SHOULD have an open mind about things – but most times we don’t. It’s like if a guy wanted to date me and he was a virgin. I would probably give it a shot…but I’d want to know some things first – 1. Is he willing to give up his virginity? 2. Why is he still a virgin? 3. Does he care that I’m the complete opposite? – It goes both ways…There are stereotypes on both ends…the good ones and the bad ones…It’s easier to stick to your own kind but sometimes venturing out can be fun…and you can learn a little something…and maybe teach a little something too!!!


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