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Forgive Me As I Overshare

Today is my last day at my current job.  I found out that I was being let go on Thursday (and wrote about it then).  I’m not heartbroken about leaving the job, but I am scared shitless about my future.  I have lots of ideas about how things might work out.  And, truth is, this really could be the very best thing that ever happened to me.  But it’s scary.

What makes it scarier is the way that everyone I know keeps telling me how much faith they have it me.  That they’re sure I’m going to land on my feet and make something wonderful happen out of this.  I keep wanting to scream at people, “Are you blind?  I’m a total mess.  A total fuck up.  How can you not see that?”  But I don’t.  I smile at them and thank them and scurry back to my computer and waste some more time on Twitter.

What makes this scariest is that I feel the pull of my most self-destructive urges.  The ones that tell me to do the things that I know are bad for me.  I feel like I can’t even write about those things here, for fear of getting yelled at by readers.  But let’s just say it’s hard to be strong right now.  And that not everybody in my life cares about what’s best for me.

Anyway, I’m supposed to be finishing up a final assignment at work.  So I’m writing this instead.

I’m sure this angry, sad, anxious mood will pass soon.  Maybe even by tomorrow.  But, hey, what’s the point of having a if you can’t overshare every once in a while.

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8 to “Forgive Me As I Overshare”

  1. Carl Grint says:

    so sorry to hear things are not going so well, and hope it works out for the best.
    As you say, it could be the best thing, but you never feel that way in the moment do you, its always, what is going to happen, so hard when life seems out of our control.

    I hope the self doubt goes soon, I think it happens to us all at some point, and not always just the once, and do take ‘advantage’ of your friends, this is when you find out who your real friends are.

    I am sure their positive outpourings come from a place of love and wanting to make you feel good about yourself.

    All the best, and sending best wishes for you. :o)

  2. starangel82 says:

    We’re all total fuck ups. It’s how we deal with the fact that we’re fuck ups that makes us so great. There is nothing wrong with your mood. You’re entitled to feel that way, especially given what is going on in your life. That doesn’t mean you get to do bad things to yourself or things that are bad for you. It just means you get to wallow, overshare in your blog, and eat a lot of junk food. Sure this is scary, but from everything I’ve read/Tweeted you are a strong woman with a good head on your shoulders. One step at a time, Simone. One step at a time.

    You will be okay.

  3. Anonymous says:

    It’s your blog and you can write what you want to……
    I wont say that Im sorry for your situtation, only because I believe that EVERYthing happens in divine order.

    When the first guy I ever loved cheated on me and broke my heart after I gave every ounce of pure love to him that I had within me, I felt betrayed by the world!!!!! I didnt understand then that, while painful and horrible, this exprience would make me stronger and lead me into womanhood more loving and vibrant than ever,

    When I ended my next relationship with the man I dreamed of marrying for almost 5 years b/c he was non-commital but wanted all the goodies of a relationship and it felt like i was cutting off a limb or something… was finally over and I realized I was so blinded by my love for HIM that I didnt realize his love wasnt nearly enough for ME.

    I’ve realized in my short little time on this planet that nothing happens by chance, there are no chance meetings, there are no accidental heartbreaks……people think that they have much more control over life than we really do. I think we endure loss, heartbreak, happiness and sorrow all for a reason. Whether its to shape our characters, strengthen us or to teach us a lesson.

    I have been through some tough times in life and at some points wondered “why me” I’m sure that you can relate when I say that, looking back ~ we have never been dealt a hand that we couldnt handle or better yet rise from like the Phoenix…..

    You are the Phoenix right now, you will rise from the ashes even better. I belive that, so who needs to feel sorrow for the Phoenix?

    Love ~ DetroitFitChick

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Thank you all. I’ve been having a nasty bad day. I probably shouldn’t blog when I’m having days like this. I really do appreciate your love, support and patience.

  5. Dont Be a Slut says:

    This isn’t oversharing … it’s sharing. Losing your job is terrifying … even if you know the layoff is coming.

    Tell us what kind of job you have now and what you’re looking for so people can be on the lookout for you, especially in NYC.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Don’t Be A Slut
    Thanks darling. I am about to send you a private message. I haven’t really found a way around asking people to be on the look out for work for me w/o telling the world my life story. Not sure that sentence just made sense. It’s after midnight and it’s been a long day. :-)

  7. sfsingleguy says:

    “I feel like I can’t even write about those things here, for fear of getting yelled at by readers.”

    I know that fear from having been a guest columnist on your blog. But that fear is unfounded from my view as a reader. Last thing I’ll do as a reader is yell at you; if it happens, then be assured it is in a positive light :) You got a lot going for you.

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    :-) I appreciate you saying that. So much. This is turning out to be one seriously wild ride.