Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Never Been Kissed

Alright, let’s see if I can pull together all of the random things I’m thinking right now (this is part poll/part rant).  By now, I doubt there are too many people who don’t know who Susan Boyle is.  I first saw the clip of her singing last week and I think I actually got teary-eyed.

Millions of people from all over the world have watched her performance on YouTube.  And millions more probably haven’t bothered, but know her by name as that older, dowdy talent show contestant who’s never been kissed (I read somewhere today that she’s been offered a million dollars to do a porno!  Who the hell would want to watch that?).

Anyway, Susan Boyle reminds me so much of a certain type of woman that we rarely see in the media.  The maiden aunt.  I don’t know if it’s that there are less of them around nowadays (I always suspected that a large percentage of them were lesbians and maybe now they can finally live the life they really wanted), but the maiden aunt seems to have disappeared from the scene.  She and her counterpart, the bachelor uncle, have been banished.

Those maiden aunts and bachelor uncles used to actually be a fixture in our society.  They were everywhere: in our families, in books and on TV.  But now, not so much.

There are demographic reasons for this, I’m sure.  And business reasons (a show about a bunch of old, unmarried folks would probably draw a mature audience, not the favorite of advertisers).

The thing is, without them out there, as regular fixtures, it leaves us all with a distorted view of reality.  If we’re never given images of people who are just , not looking, not recently widowed or divorced but just because they are, then we all start to expect everyone to find a mate.

I kind of feel like that’s where we’re at now.  That being single beyond a certain age is no longer considered a viable option.  The maiden aunts and bachelor uncles are all gone and what we’re left with is a culture that says, “there’s someone for everyone”.  And with this someone for everyone belief system comes dating coaches and relationship experts and a multi-million dollar online dating industry around which has formed several cottage industries of professional online dating profile writers and photographers who specialize in online dating pics and people who will manage your online dating account for you.  Because there’s someone for everyone.  Your someone is out there.  You just have to keep looking.  Try harder.  Invest more (Now I realize that I might seem like a symptom of this disease.  But the truth is that I don’t really care all that much about happily ever after.  I’m just a heck of a lot happier when I have a guy in my life and getting laid on a regular basis.).

Anyway, I think that it’s all just a load of crap.  I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone, though I must’ve been told that at least a thousand times in my life.  I don’t buy it.  Not only don’t I buy it, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing if there are some people who live their whole lives without a match.  Heck, I just might be one of them.

What about you, do you believe that there’s someone for everyone?  Come on, be honest?

  • Yes. I believe that there’s someone for everyone. (35 votes)
  • No. What a load of crap. There have always been people who lived solitary lives, there always will be. (48 votes)

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17 to “Never Been Kissed”

  1. jenmata says:

    I was just thinking the exact same thing yesterday, in fact I wrote a post on it and everything (which is scheduled to air tomorrow on my blog). We have different opinions though. I do believe in happily ever after, mostly because I’ve seen it. But you do make a good point, is it for everyone? I think there is someone out there for each and everyone, the fact that we end up alone is by choice. It’s not that people don’t have the opportunity to find, meet and keep someone by their side, it’s more so that by the choices and decisions they make, they end up having the life they have. At least I believe that’s the case for me. My two cents anyway.

  2. DarthOreo says:

    Its a nice notion that there is a possibility of someone for everyone, but yes I do not see that happening. I think I will be the bachelor uncle to my nephew and I am happy with that notion. I have my little girl to bring up. I had tried married life for 8+ years, was not all roses, or maybe it was but just the vine portion with all the thorns. Unless there is someone that fits me like a glove and then changes as I change then I would agree its crap.

  3. onedatewonder says:

    You already know exactly how I voted, but I’ll go ahead and tell you anyway. No, I don’t think there’s someone for everyone. I think that platitude arises from this Disney-like belief that we are fed our whole lives about “happily ever after” and riding off into the sunset with the one.

    I believe in “happily ever after” for sure, I just don’t believe it has to contain your perfect mate. Maybe it’s just you. And why shouldn’t that be just as happy and wonderful?

    You also know I posted about this on my blog not that long ago. I’m determined to drag you along in my “happily ever after” revolution, dammit. :)

  4. HollyPage says:

    I think there is a lot of gray area between “happily ever after” and “alone forever” in which we get to choose what we want in partners and relationships. I don’t believe that everyone has a soulmate somewhere out there, but I think that the notion of a soulmate has soured people on what real relationships are – namely, a lot of work and compromise. And I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

    If someone doesn’t want to be alone, then they should get over the fairytale and decide what’s most important to them in a partner, and look for that.

  5. Singlegal says:

    I believe there’s a lot of somebodies for a lot of someone’s but your post made me recall one of life’s great mysteries (and maybe the maiden aunt falls into this category), but I call them “the truly asexual”. You know, that person who seems to exhibit no interest in partnering of any sort – sexual or otherwise. I have actually known a few people like that and while they don’t turn out to be the “happiest” of individuals, they seem to have reached some comfort with themselves and their choices in life. I’m pretty sure I’m the polar opposite of the “truly asexual”, but they remain to me, one of life’s mysteries.

  6. CHFBrian says:

    You know, maybe i’m just a curmudgeon, but I always seem to never be able to pick a good answer in your polls! I firmly believe there is someone for everyone – except a certain ex of mine who’s just a harpy – but I also feel that plenty of people might want to live a solitary life and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sure, there’s someone out there for them, but if they don’t feel like looking, who am I to judge? So yes, there will always be people who live solitary lives, even though there’s someone out there for them! Nothing wrong with that, nossir.

    So, I have no idea what to answer.

  7. Teifion says:

    I disagree with the wording but I don’t think that there’s somebody for everybody. As the idea of predestination to have somebody to love means that God has predetermined it and I don’t think He has. Case in point would be Paul from the new testament, if he were married then he’d have found it much harder to do the work that he did.

  8. pansophy says:

    For me this is a complicated question. Personally I don’t think there is one answer here. I think for some there is that one destined person while for others there is not. But even by ‘destined’ I think that means that they are destined to be given the choice to be together.

    I’ve seen many people find that ‘one’ person only to be so scared by that possibility that they choose another path.

    Even if we take the idea of destiny out of it, choice is huge and pretty much everything. Some people simply choose to be happy and grateful for the qualities that their partner has and accepts the limitations whereas others choose to be unhappy and restricted by that which is ‘missing’.

    So at the most basic level, I think there is someone for everyone if everyone chooses that there is.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I also don’t think there is someone for everyone out there. It just can’t be. There are more women than men in the world, which means there must be more maiden aunts than bachelor uncles out there for that to make sense.

    As far as Susan Boyle goes, she will find her match. With fame comes love, or something like that.

  10. glamourgurl says:

    Personally I dont not feel that there is someone for everyone. For the simple fact not everyone knows how to love. I was in a relationship for a few years and the dude had a problem with commitment. For a while i kept asking myself what the hell am i doing wrong. After taking a step back and looking at myself and then evaluating him. The problem wasnt me at all it was him. He didnt have any love for himself…so how could i even expect him to love me. I know it may sound crazy but some people just dont know how to nor will ever grab the concept of what “LOVE” really means.

  11. snowman expert says:

    I really believe there are at least two or three people for everyone. Something to remember when you break up and think he or she was “the one.”

  12. Veka says:

    Jenmata took the words right out of my mouth: “I think there is someone out there for each and everyone, the fact that we end up alone is by choice.” And I can’t really add much to that. But I’m having a hard time choosing a poll option because I don’t believe that *every*one ends up with “the one,” and that many people do live their lives on their own, but I can’t choose the second option because I personally believe that there is a suitable match for everyone if they want one. It may just take forever to find them. Not sure if that makes sense… it does in my head! :)

  13. queenieNYC says:

    I think that there’s probably someone out there for everyone, but not everyone wants to be with someone – so, yes, there will always be people who choose to be alone, either consciously or unconsciously.

  14. mitch1970 says:

    I believe that there is someone out there for everyone, but will you ever meet this person? Let’s say you are in New York and your *soulmate* lives in Australia. You guys will never meet!

    I also agree with Veka: not everyone ends up with *the one*. Probably just a small percentage end up with someone who is really a good fit, I mean a REALLY good one.

    But most people don’t want to be alone, so they choose the wrong partners. I’ve seen it in my family and friends. I don’t know anyone who is TRULY happy with their partner choice.

    And then there are people who are always looking for the *perfect* partner and choose to stay alone until that parner falls in their lap.

  15. SINgleGIRL says:

    I apologize for being off blog all day. Been under the weather.

    Thank you everyone for your great comments. I’m not going to reply to each of you, you all already know how I feel on this one. I find it SO interesting to see how varied your comments are. It’s interesting how this brings up some many issues – what does it mean to be in love, the effort it takes to make relationships work, whether some people are just asexual. So much to think about. Hmmm.

  16. ExPrincess says:

    I do believe there is someone for everyone just like I believe in God, Santa Claus and that Tom Cruise is not gay. Pretty much until proven otherwise. (Santa does exist, my Mom told me that if I stop believing in Santa there would no more presents on Christmas Day, so damn it, He.Does.Exist.) I’m not foolish enough to believe that there is exactly one person and one person alone who will be my ‘soulmate’ and love me no matter what until I die and I shall love them warts and all. Because if they were perfect there wouldn’t be warts, now would there. Ok, Maybe there isn’t that one person, maybe there is just a small subset of all the people out there who you might meet that would contain people who you can overlook the flaws that your girlfriends see but you don’t, in that small subset AND you would be in that person’s small subset and *Poof* Happily Ever After, we are throwing rice and aiming for your cleavage. I guess when in comes down to it, I do believe no one is meant to be alone but you have to make the effort and go out and meet people. The chances that the UPS guy is the right guy for you is narrow, because he’s mine, hands off!

  17. HyperDuke says:

    I agree with you all… You all have great standing points, but Veka, Jenmata and Mitch have more realistic POV’s on the situation. I connected better with Mitch, If you live in DC and your soulmate lives on the other side of the world, the chances of u meeting he/she are very slim. But still Veka and Jenmata have good, yet narrow-minded points. No offense to u 2 but you only related the situations to personal experiences and not the reality of the whole thing.

    Anywho, there is someone for everyone, but whether or not everyone gets to meet their special someone… The chances are 99 to 1.