Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Sunny Afternoon

I had a very interesting date yesterday.   It was an outdoor/afternoon date.  We met at a coffee shop that was near a park and then walked to the park and sat outside.

The guy (he’s going to need a nickname) got major points for planning.  It was pretty much the perfect plan for yesterday, because the weather was lovely, but there was a chance of rain.  In case of rain, we could have just stayed at the coffee shop.

The date itself went really well.  Really, really well.  But it didn’t start off that way.  He’s a old-picture guy.  If I had to take a guess, I’d say the photo he’s currently using is at least 2 years old.  Maybe older.  I’m bad at guestimating these things, but I’d say he’s put on at least 20 lbs since the picture was taken.

Now, as I’ve said before, I don’t really care all that much if a guy in his forties is carrying around a spare tire. In fact, I pretty much expect it.  What I do care about is when men essentially lie about their appearance by putting up really old pictures of themselves online.  It annoys the hell out of me.  And yet, it’s so commonplace, that I’ve learned to overlook it.  Kinda.  I’ll overlook it, but it does shade how I think about a guy.

We really hit it off, though.  Just as soon as we started talking we hit a really smooth rhythm of chatting and interupting each other and chatting some more.  And while it’s certainly too early tell with any real certainty, I got the sense that we shared a very similar worldview.

There was something that happened that sorta freaked me out.  He was talking and mentioned a prior job.  And he mentioned the place he used to work, for many years.  And it’s someplace an ex of mine also worked (maybe still works, he and I did not end on good terms).  Anyway, I had a momentary flipout.  I don’t think he noticed.  But for a couple of seconds there I almost considered just leaving the date and never seeing this guy again on the slim chance that he and my ex used to work together and are now friends.  But then I exhaled and realized I was being a freak.   If they knew each other or still do know each other, well, I’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  This guy seems like a really good guy.  I’m not going to blow it over that stupid shit.

So, we’re going out again Thursday night.  He texted me last night to say what a nice time he had (as I was walking away, is this a new thing?).  And then today he asked me out.  I said yes and within an hour we had concrete plans (dinner, at a restaurant I know and like, all good).

So he needs a nickname.  I guess I’ll call him The European.  He is.  European.  He’s been here for about 20 years and is a US citizen now but he’s distinctly European (and he loves and says he’d never consider living anywhere else).  That’s a good thing in my book.


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12 to “Sunny Afternoon”


  1. CHFBrian says:

    Would you have really gotten up and left because of the possibility that he might have known an ex? It’s a small world, these things are bound to happen sooner or later – would that really be a deal breaker?

    I had a promising relationship end abruptly recently becase, well, I have absolutely no idea why it ended. It was the equivalent of being a guy at a table at a coffee shop and the girl just ups and walks off without any explanation. It was off-putting and confusing and disrespectful.

    Glad you didn’t, though, and glad things went well.

  2. starangel82 says:

    I can completely understand the anti-using an old picture. That irritates the heck out of me too.

    Glad you had a good date, even if you did have a momentary freak out. I think you are handing the possibility of them knowing each other well. You are right… you should cross that bridge when you come to it. I hope Thursday night goes just as well.

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    -CHFBrian
    I know it would have been a completely irrational, uncool thing to do, but it’s particularly raw nerve and the second I heard the name of the place my mind went a little haywire. I’m sorry your relationship ended so abruptly. I don’t understand why people think that’s OK. It’s not OK.
    -starangel82
    I guess it’s all about weighing everything we know. I’m really irritated that he has this really old picture, but not irritated enough to let it keep me from seeing him again. :-)

  4. Veka says:

    I am so excited for you that you finally had an above-average date! Is this a different guy than the one who has the same hobby as your ex? Is it even the same ex? That’s a pretty big coincidence! Regardless, I’m glad you didn’t write him off because of it. Also, I’m glad he took the initiative to plan everything out. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  5. CHFBrian says:

    So was the nerve that was hit specifically because of this one particular ex, or would you have had a minor freak out over a possible connection to any ex? There’s an important distinction there, I think.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Veka
    Oh wow, I forgot all about that. Different guy/different ex. That other one completely disappeared, after being super-aggressive. It happens. No, that ex and I ended things on relatively good terms. Not this one.
    -CHFBrian
    No, just that ex. I can’t think of anyone else I’d react so nutty about. Well, maybe…

  7. bellaressa says:

    I’m so excited you found a date you want to go on another date with. Yea, for planning!

    I totally understand your temporary flip out and its okay, I am glad you decided to give him and yourself a chance anyway.

    I can’t wait till a new update.

  8. queenieNYC says:

    Exciting! Hope the next date goes well.

    As for the texting thing, I’ve had it happen a few times, usually with a European or English guy. Though since this guy’s been here for 20 years, that reasoning probably isn’t on-target.

    Question re: old pictures. How old is too old? I mean, I look pretty much exactly the same as I did two years ago (same weight, same hair color, no noticeable wrinkles/lines in my face). Can I use a two-year old picture?

  9. RVASarah says:

    I’m so glad to hear that you stayed and didn’t get up and leave. Sometimes the Wait-and-See approach keeps us from making rash decisions.

  10. Anonymous says:

    It looks like spring is in the air for you :) Keep us updated on this one.

    Old photos are a turn-off. I’ve went on first dates with girls that posted old and blurry photos. Their excuse was that they are nomally the picture takers and don’t have too many photos of themselves. But, hey, it’s a dating site. Get some recent pics up there. But I also agree with queenieNYC: If you look the same, why bother? Maybe your guy doesn’t know he looks differently now? :)
    For the texting thing. I’ve had this happen to me many times. I went on a dinner or drinks date, we had a lot of fun and within 5-10 minutes of saying our goodnights, I got a message “Thanks for dinner, I had a nice evening” or something like that.

    I kinda like it. Gives you reassurance that the evening went well – not only from your own perspective. But that’s just me.

  11. mitch1970 says:

    On a different note, what happened to that extremely good looking sports guy?

  12. SINgleGIRL says:

    -bellaressa
    Thanks sweetie and YES – Yeah for planning.
    -queenieNYC
    I’m kind of excited too (and he’s a foodie guy, from what I can tell, so bonus points for that). I think you’re fine with those pictures. It’s about how you look, not how old the picture are.
    -RVASarah
    I think I’m getting better at avoiding the rash behavior as I get older. But not always. I’ll admit it.
    -Anonymous
    I liked the text thing. You’re right, it was reassuring.
    -mitch1970
    Welcome to the blog. Oh, Coach. Coach is pushing his luck. We were supposed to have our second date last night. But it didn’t happen. We’re rescheduled for Friday night. He has some issues when it comes to making plans (which I find very unattractive).