Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Online Dating is Easy (really, it is)

Alright guys, lets get this out of the way:  is easy.  If you’ve tried it and didn’t get any dates, it’s because you were doing it wrong.  I repeat, if you’ve tried and couldn’t get any to go out with you, it’s because you were doing it wrong.

Let me be clear here, it’s not because they didn’t want to go out with YOU.  You might be a great guy.  Online dating is a skill.  Like playing poker or skiing or even driving a car.  It’s not hard.  Anyone can do it.  But you have to do it right in order to be successful.  Otherwise you’re going to end up broke or hurt or well, you get it.

So, what does a guy need to know?  First off, he needs to pick the right service or services for him.  Nor all online dating services are the same.  You need to pick the one that’s going to have the most women in your area/demographic that you find attractive.  This varies tremendously from service to service.  So take an hour and test drive them all.  Go from to to , etc.  Run right down the list.   Don’t waste a lot of time setting up your profile and taking tests until you know a site is right for you.  Just put in the minimum necessary info and do a search for what you’re looking for.  Then check out the chicks.

Next, after you’ve selected the right site for you, you’re going to need to write your profile and select appropriate photos to post with it.  Yes, you must post pictures.  This matters a lot.   A lot.  I’ll cover the photo selection process in more detail in my next post.

Now here’s one of the ways that women are very different than men.  Your picture will matter a lot.  But so will your profile.   Women will not contact guys who have poorly written profiles.  No matter how hot you are (or how cool your photos).  So for starters,

  • Answer all of the questions.  Don’t leave a lot of blanks.  That makes you look lazy.
  • Use spell check and carefully check your profile for capitalization and punctuation errors.  Yes, I’m serious.  Women complain about this all of the time.  They’re not going to reply to you if your profile is riddled with spelling errors or you don’t know the difference between there, their and they’re.
  • Avoid clichés.  Women don’t need to read that you’re looking for someone who “gets you”.  Be specific about who you are and what you’re looking for.  And for god’s sake, don’t say that you’re looking for a woman without a lot of baggage.  It’ll make you sound like a jerk.

Once you’re all set up with your profile, it’s time to start actively using the site.  Smart online daters will check in at least once a day, just to see if they have any new mail.  My suggestion to you is that you set aside 30 minutes a day, during that first week, to search for women who seem interesting to you and then send them messages.  You must send them messages.  Do not wink.  are lame.

The messages you send are very important.  They don’t need to be long.  They can just be a sentence or two.  But they need to be specific to each woman and they much not contain any spelling errors.  Women frequently joke amongst their friends about the poorly written messages they get on online dating sites(sometimes emailing them around).

So, if a woman mentions she’s a lawyer, you can ask her a question about the kind of law she practices.  If she mentions a hobby, you can say that you share that hobby.  If she appears to be playing a musical instrument in one of her photos, you can write something about that.  Do not say, “I think your pictures are hot.  Wanna get a drink.”

Online dating is easy.  Thousands of people do it successfully every day.   There are no guarantees, but I promise that if you follow this simple advice you’ll have a much better chance of success.

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