Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Sound of Ugly

I meet the vast majority of the men I date on sites. And unlike many of my fellow online daters, I don’t always talk with guys on the before making plans to meet them in person.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  First, I just don’t think you can learn much about a person you’ve never met by talking with them on the .  And second, I just really hate the thing.  I’ve written about this before. I think it’s awkward and weird and I’d rather just skip it.

But if a guy wants to talk with me before we meet then I’m not going to say no.  I’ll play along.

Well, I just received a voicemail from a guy who’s been trying to schedule a date with me.  We were supposed to get together last weekend, and then, blah blah blah.  Anyway, it was the first time I heard his voice.

And now I don’t want to go out with him at all.  He has what has got to be the least attractive voice I’ve ever heard.  Seriously.

I know these things are kind of subjective, some people like certain accents, other people like other accents.  But I think most women would agree with me on this one.  His voice was just so yucky.

Anyway, this is a new one for me.  I’ve never not gone out with someone because his voice was repellent to me.  But I’m seriously considering passing on this date (prior to the vm I was really looking forward to meeting him, btw).


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11 to “The Sound of Ugly”


  1. wwfchic says:

    “Farmer” had a bad voice too and it matched. He kept clearing his throat and it drove me nuts!!!!

    I had another guy that basically interviewed me over the phone. That annoyed me so much I canceled the date! It was like he was going down a list of questions and qualifying me. I only qualified for coffee – he qualified for the recycle bin for me!

    I’m an online dater as well…so I feel your pain!

  2. starangel82 says:

    I’ve never encountered this, but I can imagine it’d be a turn off. I mean, if you don’t want to hear him over the phone, why would you want to listen to him over dinner? Or worse, in bed?

    Boy, I sound bitchy.

  3. SINgleGIRL says:

    -wwfchic
    I can’t stand the phone interviews. They make me batty. This guys didn’t do that (it was just a voicemail) and he didn’t his throat. His voice was just, well, unpleasant.
    -starangel82
    You don’t sound bitchy. At least not compared to me. I mean really, I just can’t imagine having to listen to this guy for more than 5 minutes without wanting to kill him or myself.

  4. Shannia says:

    maybe his voice is not as bas in person? maybe he had a cold? maybe it sounded like that because he was nervous? Not trying to defend the guy but maybe call him back and see if the voice is really that bad?

  5. Anonymous says:

    “I meet the vast majority of the men I date on online dating sites. And unlike many of my fellow online daters, I don’t always talk with guys on the phone before making plans to meet them in person. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, I just don’t think you can learn much about a person you’ve never met by talking with them on the phone. And second, I just really hate the phone thing. I’ve written about this before. I think it’s awkward and weird and I’d rather just skip it.”

    I have to tell you that I always tell my clients to get as much information about the person and talk to them on the phone prior to meeting. This clears up communication issues and you can get a feel of the person prior to meeting. I always tell my clients to practice safety. Although this is your own style and I respect it, I would rather see you safe. Also meet in public areas for at least a few dates. My Los Angeles Dating site http://www.310dating.com gives a lot of resources as to what are good ideas for meet up locations. I wish you luck aka SINglegirl.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Shannia
    You are probably being reasonable. The thing is, this was kind of an accent/attitude thing. I want to stereotype, but some people from very specific places in my part of the country have very distinctive sounding voices. And some of those voices make my skin crawl. Think Janice on Friends but as a guy.
    -Anonymous
    Hmm. I don’t really think talking with a guy on the phone is going to make me any safer. I do do a lot of things to make sure I’m safe. I’ve written about those. Maybe I’ll bring that post back up for a reprise today. But I think your comment is more about promoting your own site – and that’s just comment spam – VERY UNCOOL. Please don’t do it again or I’ll just delete your comment and block you from my site.

  7. Ronnoc says:

    I think voice is important. Very much so. I recently didn’t date a woman who had a deep whiskey voice. She was otherwise very attractive. I just didn’t want to think she would be busting out singing “Betty Davis Eyes” at any one moment!

  8. aGirlNamedMe says:

    JeffyD clears his throat..it’s a thing. Right now, it’s an adorable thing, but who knows what I’ll think of it in ten years.

    Your man with the accent has an annoying voice. Maybe it will be adorable in ten years. You’ll never know if you don’t go.

    xoxo

  9. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Ronnoc
    And I’m sure other men find her voice attractive, or at least are indifferent to it. I think this is one of those matters of taste.
    -aGirlNamedMe
    Actually, I find the opposite holds true. You find everything about a guy endearing in the beginning and then annoying when that initial love glow wears off. But then, I’m a cynical bitch.

  10. Shannia says:

    I can just imagine the accent,,,lol Keep in mind that I am French and imagine me on a week long conference in Nashville TN. I am perfectly trilingual but spent the whole week looking at my american coworker to have him repeat whatever was said to me…lol

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Shannia
    LOL, I can just imagine that. I have some dear friends from the UK (not from London) I’ve known for years. I was shocked to find that my parents couldn’t understand a word they said.