I gotta stop second guessing myself. I know why I’m doing it – years of failed relationships, a sense that my traditional “type” is actually really bad for me, this nagging sense that if I just do things differently than I normally would then maybe I’d get different results. All good reasons. But it’s leading me to do some pretty silly things.
Last night I went out with a guy who was clearly inappropriate for me. I’m still kinda mad at myself for even replying to his email. I’d initially rejected him.
They have this Quickmatch thing on OKCupid where you rate men and they rate you and the system matches people who rate each other highly. I didn’t give him a high rating. My criteria for the Quickmatch are simple. First, I look at a guy’s age. He’s gotta be in the right range. Then I look to see where he lives. I’m looking for a local guy (in the city or really, really close). And then I actually look at him. Guys with lameass pics don’t cut it. The ones who are shirtless in their primary shot are tossed. Same if I can’t make out his face. But if a guy is average or better looking and he’s made an attempt to show me that in his pics and he meets the age/location criteria – then, I’ll read his profile. And then I rate him. Very few guys get high ratings from me.
This guy got cut right away. He lives in the ‘burbs. And so I gave him a low rating and didn’t think anything of it. But then he wrote me a very sweet email and kind of talked me into giving him a chance (I gave him my, I am never going to move to the ‘burbs line, but it didn’t deter him).
Anyway, beyond the fact that he’s a suburnanite, he’s also very recently divorced. Which is another one of my little warning signs. Been there, done that. In my experience, most guys take some time after a divorce to go through a second adolescence of sorts. They tend to bounce from one short relationship to another, trying to make up for lost time. I know it’s a generalization, but I’ve seen a lot if it. And I’m not judging. If I was in a failing marriage with lousy or nonexistent sex for many years, I’d probably behave similarly.
But since I’ve been there and done that, I’m not all that interested in spending time with any more of those guys. They can be fun, for a short while. But I’ve been hurt (sometimes pretty badly) by their ilk.
Anyway, last night I found myself on a date with a recently divorced guy who lives in the suburbs. He was perfect pleasant. Even charming, at times. But it was a total disaster in terms of romance. By the end of the night I was giving him tips on how to find women who are only interested in casual sexual relationships, as he’s been having trouble getting rid of women when he’s done with them. He finds they get clingy (calling occasionally, asking him out) after he starts sleeping with them a few times a week for a couple of months and he doesn’t know how to end things. No, I’m not joking.
In truth, I can’t really imagine myself ever faling for a guy who lives in the ‘burbs. Or who’s marriage just ended a year ago. But I feel like I have to keep doing these things that don’t make sense to me. If only because the things that feel right, also feel wrong.
Tags: clingy, first date, OKCupid, suburbs