Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

You’re Really Cute

So last night’s date was as lame as I feared it might be.  If I had any sense at all I would’ve just cancelled (Here’s the background info – we met online and made plans to go out via email but it was just a date and time.  No place.  I HATE that.  I don’t like to wing it on first dates.  And the guy was just being ultra lame about coming up with a plan).

The “plan” was to meet on a street corner and that meant standing in the rain and texting him to let him know that I was there and where was he.  He was on the opposite corner, waiting for me.  It was raining so hard that we couldn’t see each other across the busy street. So I crossed the street to his side and we said our hellos and he just stood there and asked me where I wanted to go. Since it was raining I suggested we go to the very nearest place (which happens to be loud and overcrowded but there weren’t many choices for blocks) and, oh yeah, he didn’t have an umbrella. Lame, right?

Things went downhill from there. I’m not even going to bother going into details.  Suffice it to say that I didn’t enjoy our coversation and was getting ready to say goodnight when he excused himself to go to the men’s room.  I figured I’d say goodbye as soon as he got back.  And then, the first words out of his mouth when he returned were, “you’re really cute”.

Alright, it’s always nice to get a (especially if you’ve been feeling a little low lately).  But I didn’t want one from him.  Especially not at that moment.  I found it impossible to blow him off right after receiving a .  So I said thank you and ended up staying and talking another 30-40 minutes.  Ugh.

I eventually did make my excuses and the date was over and that was the end of that.  Except that it wasn’t.  He’s already asked me out again, so I’ll have to reject him now.  Lovely.

Anyway, it’s my own damn fault.  I was already not feeling it when he couldn’t come up with a plan the night before.   When will I ever learn?

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11 to “You’re Really Cute”

  1. Wilmaryad Ben Oscallas says:

    That’s really unfair for you not to have enjoyed your recent date, Simone. How are you going to reject him now?

  2. derek7272 says:

    I feel like if you’re not feeling it, it’s fine to just ignore him. You don’t owe someone a callback or rejection email after one date! I actually think it’s more polite to just disappear, honestly. Anyway, sorry it didn’t work out better — and don’t feel bad about either yourself or blowing this guy off.

  3. queenieNYC says:

    You know what? I think it’s great that you went on the date, even though you had some misgivings. Because, honestly, you never, ever know, and why the hell not give something at least an hour of your time? I think that’s probably the right attitude, and I think your approach is, by and large, right. Don’t beat yourself up for going – because next time, you may be uncertain ahead of time, and end up meeting someone great. You never, ever know.

    And, I agree with Derek – you don’t owe him a phone call. That said, if he did email you, I’d give him a quick courtesy reply, just to make sure you’re not leaving an opening. He sounds like someone who may not be great at reading people, which might lead him to follow up a couple of times. No fun for anyone, you know?

  4. PiscesInPurple says:

    I’m thinking he disappeared to the washroom for some “courage”.
    Definitely NO.

  5. singlegirlie says:

    I always find it weird how one party can so clearly not be having a good time on a date and the other party has no clue. Bad dates are part of the process I guess. You took a chance and it didn’t work… this time. Another time it WILL! You have to take those chances. Sorry about the bad date though. I know it’s a drag.

  6. derek7272 says:

    I wouldn’t even reply to his email, assuming he sent one. Honestly, as a guy that’s what I’d prefer, rather than some “thanks but I don’t think we had much chemistry” email. And if he’s a weirdo that just opens up the opportunity for drama. He will get the message that you’re not interested if you don’t reply, just like you’d get the message if the situations were reversed and he didn’t call/email.

  7. ZJapan says:

    Wow that sounds like an awful date! You would think with the rain he could have picked a place even at the last minute. How hard is it for example to find a fun place for drinks in NYC? It might be the easiest place in the world to find such a place!

    How could he be going on a date in the rain and not have an umbrella? If I had a date with a lovely girl like you I would have gotten a good sized umbrella so maybe we could share. It can be so romantic huddling under an umbrella on a rainy and cool night.

    On a final note I am generally quite happy to have my date pick our destination. My current girl is really into food so she has fun ordering for me. But even I can easily pick a place, especially for a first date. All you have to do is ask what the girl likes or show off a place you think is stellar.

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    Honestly, I’m not usually one to ignore emails. I don’t like just blowing people off. But I did in this case. Not because of anything this guy did, but because I just kind of blew off everything yesterday and took a “day off” from my life. And now it’s a day later and I’m sure he’s already gotten the message.
    You’ve said that before about the fade away. I tend to disagree and know quite a few men who disagree. Maybe it’s an age thing? Anyway, I did just ignore him and I do feel like I was rude but whatever. I’ll get over it.
    That’s pretty much my dating mantra> you never know. I want to be as open as I can be because let’s face it, I dated the same types of guys for most of 20 years and where did it get me? Now I just need to learn how to do the not beating myself up part.
    Ha, you’re probably right!
    That’s what I was thinking. How could he have possibly thought that it was a good date. It was so painfully NOT good. Oh well, another time.
    Yes, well, instead I had to share my compact umbrella with him and as he was over a foot taller than me it meant that I got quite well (argh!). Yeah, the date was a total FAIL.

  9. aGirlNamedMe says:

    At least you got a story?

    On doing the “fade from existance” thing rather than a phone call or email that you’re not interested. I think fading would leave him wondering what happened — did she get the message or email? and it could set you up for another email or another call.

    It only takes a second or two to write, “It was good to have met you, but I wasn’t feeling the chemistry.”

    But that’s just me.


  10. Singlegal says:

    Ooohh… but I LIKE the details! :-)
    Personally, I can’t stand the “cute” thing. To be honest, I prefer not to be complimented on my appearance in the first meeting. It feels forced and insincere to me. I won’t go so far as to say it’s inappropriate, since I’m sure plenty of people are comfortable with this, but I’m just not one of them. I especially don’t like “You’re cute” or “You’re beautiful” as an opening line of communication. Can we please start somewhere else?

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    I agree with you 100% and I should have replied to his email with my standard ‘thank you but I just don’t think we’re a good fit’ reply. I have no excuse. I was just being incredibly lame this weekend. LAME.
    Thanks darling. I don’t mind a simple, single compliment. As long as it is just once. I hate when a man compliments me more than once on an early date. It smacks of insincerity and makes me feel very uncomfortable. I think I used to be a little uncomfortable with all compliments, but have gotten better at this with age.

    However, I’m with you. You’re cute or something to that effect as an opening live – especially in online dating – really pisses me off.