Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Lists *sigh*

I get why people post lists.  They’re easy to write, don’t require much thought and they have a better liklihood of getting dugg or retweeted than a normal post.  They’re the pop songs of the blogger world.

Here’s the thing about lists that I really hate – it’s a format that tends to breed laziness in writers.  A perfectly good writer will sit down to write a list on a perfectly good topic and end up churning out a bunch of nonsense.  It turns out that there aren’t always 10 good examples of everything or 10 reasons why.  Sometimes there are only 3 or 4 (or 2).  Most lists end up being stuffed full of filler.

Here’s a perfect example:  I was  excited when I saw this title flash by on Top Ten Things A Woman Never Wants To See In A Guy’s Apartment.  I thought it would be a good (but thoughtful) laugh.  And then I read the list.

1. A bunch of Josh Groban CDs
2. A doll collection
3. A framed photos of his ex
4. A jar of Vaseline and box of tissues on the coffee table
5. Dirty underwear with skidmarks on the bathroom floor
6. An empty toilet paper roll
7. A bunch of swords and knives displayed as decoration
8. A cape
9. Pubes on the sofa
10. Lots of cats

Haha, funny.  Of these, only the empty roll of toilet paper rang true for me.  The others just seemed like a bunch of bad jokes.  Really bad.   I mean, seriously.  There are so many things that I really don’t want to see in a guy’s apartment.  Real things that are real warning signs.  That are funny/scary (I once noticed that pictures had been removed before I got there because there were dust lines where pictures had been.  Another time I had a guy proudly show me his bookcase full of .  Hundreds and hundreds of magazines and books, lovingly displayed.)  If the writer of this article has actually ever dated a guy who had a doll collection or left dirty underwear with skidmarks on the bathroom floor, then I feel sorry for her.

But then, I guess I missed the point.   It was just a joke.  A funny, silly, fluffy piece that I was supposed to take 20 seconds to read through and then giggle at.   Except it wasn’t all that funny.

What about you ladies, are there things you never want to see in a guy’s apartment?  Real things?

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17 to “Lists *sigh*”

  1. Schaqa says:

    Another girl : ))

  2. lostplum says:

    unframed taped to the wall POSTERS!

  3. queenieNYC says:

    I never want to see a (broken) Homer Simpson wall clock. Er, never again, that is.

    Most of the things on that list (other than the doll collection, which is totally a pathetic attempt at recycling a SATC plot point) would only bug me because they’d indicate that the guy didn’t have the self-awareness to clean up after himself.

  4. sparklytosingle says:

    Oh, God. Logo’d glassware stolen from bars and chain restaurants. Especially if that’s his *only* glassware. Just kill me now.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Real flags: nunchucks, mattress on the floor with only a fitted sheet and one pillow, clothes stacked around the room instead of a dresser, mardi gras beads hung in the bathroom.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Um yeah. Going to a guys apt for the first time and finding another girl would definitely suck. LOL.
    Oh god, yes. And with those – milkcrates. No one should be using milkcrates past their 25th birthday.
    Hmmm. I don’t remember the SATC episode with the doll collection. But yeah, the Simpsons clocks are a no-no.
    YES!. Especially when they’re really old and disgusting.
    LOL – Yes! Especially the one pillow. Oh god, it makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

  7. lostplum says:

    I’m also soo over plaid sheets! that shouldn’t be aloud after your 25th bday either!

  8. queenieNYC says:

    Oh yes indeedy.

    The last guy I dated had a whole Simpsons memorabilia collection, which would have been fine, had it been displayed with any sense or irony or curatorial appreciation. But – no.

  9. Teifion says:

    The top 10 things I don’t want to see at a lady’s house if I come round there.

    1 – A map with a big red circle around my house with the words “Target alpha”
    2 – More than 30 cats
    3 – Hundreds of pictures of myself
    4 – A polar bear
    5 – Bullet holes in the wall and a high powered sniper rifle on a stand
    6 – Her dressing in a hazmat suit before entering
    7 – Hundreds of tins of sprouts
    8 – A computer taken apart and strewn across the floor with the words “so you know computers right?” about to come to her lips
    9 – No cutlery, cooking impliments, plates or anything in the kitchen (excused if it’s a 1 room apartment)
    10 – A clone of myself

    I hope this helps :)

  10. derek7272 says:

    Teifion, hahaha.

    SG, fyi, this boston globe story made me think of you even tho it’s about Boston.

  11. Bibliomom says:

    I dated a guy who had the most gorgeous house. Phenomenal really. He was a small town cop who happened to have Hair Nation blasting through his entire house and even outside. He also had a lot of stuffed dead animals. A LOT! Including a baby black bear that had been hit on the side of the road and he rushed to the scene and “claimed” it and had it mounted in his bedroom. It’s not the worst thing a guy could have but it was a key sign for me that he and I were not soul mate material. As if the Hair Nation wasn’t enough!

  12. SINgleGIRL says:

    You’re awesome. I vaguely remember the other storylines in that episode, but not that bit. Thanks for the reminder.
    That was great. I particularly like #8.
    Thanks for the link. Interesting article.
    Stuffed dead animals = shudder.

  13. Shannia says:

    a condom under his bed… used… that was the last I saw of him, or he saw of me I should say. When my ex moved in he asked where we’d display his giant Cuban flag… I understood him being proud but hummmm no thank you, my answer, in a box in the garage, non negociable.

  14. Shannia says:

    bibliomom, i dated a guy who had a wolf skin on the floor in front of his fireplace and a zebra skin on the wall. I just couldn’t, First it’s tacky and I really don’t see the point.

  15. Hypatia says:

    A sink full of dirty dishes & nothing in the fridge (This tells me he needs a mommy, not a girlfriend).

    And– one thing that I hate to see… but this seems to be so common, I can’t call it a dealbreaker… A flatscreen tv on cinderblocks. Why is it that guys will spring for the flatscreen, but they’ll sit around on milkcrates? No furniture, no pictures… its’ a turnoff…. but I”ve yet to meet a guy who doesn’t live that way, so I guess I’m stuck.

  16. SINgleGIRL says:

    I would just die if I went to a guy’s place for the first time and there was a used condom under the bed. No, correct that. I would just leave.
    OMG – I’ve never seen a flatscreen on cinderblocks. I don’t know if I could suppress my laughter. The nothing in the fridge thing is a huge issue for me though (come to think of it, Mr. Potential only had beer and wine in the fridge..).

  17. Anonymous says:

    Tons of comic books hanging on the wall, toy superhero action figures, more than one kind of gaming station prominently located for regular use. Yeah, can you tell, I learned the hard way. *sigh*