I have a date tonight. A first date. I met this guy, online, last weekend (I think) and he asked me out earlier in the week. We’d been emailing back and forth for days and he seemed like someone I’d want to meet. We set the day and the time but didn’t make any specific plans. He just said “drinks”.
I was OK with that thinking that he’d email with a plan sometime during the week. As of last night I still hadn’t heard from him so I sent him a short email saying, “Do we have plan?” As I’ve said before, it’s a real turn-on for me when guys are good with this stuff. Give me a time and a place and plan. I like to be spontaneous, don’t get me wrong. Just not on a first or second date. Spontaneous is great once I know a person and trust them. Then I’ll be happy to hop on the subway on in a car on a spur of the moment whim without knowing where we’re going. No problem with that, at all. But for a first date I want something along the lines of, “let’s go to_____ at __pm on ___day”.
It really pisses me off when I have to email the day before a date and ask if we have a plan. Anyway, he emailed me back with a bunch of flaky nonsense, somewhat suggesting that we meet on a streetcorner and just find a place to hand out (NOT COOL). I sent him my phone number and asked him to call me today, not last night, because I’d just walked in and was superbusy with emails and stuff. I guess I wasn’t adamant enough about not calling last night because 10 minutes after I sent that message he called.
By then I had almost forgotten about him, or rather sending him my number. I was busy with something else. I didn’t recognize the number but picked up the phone anyway. And then, I didn’t recognize his name at first when he introduced himself. Now, in my defense, I have several guys I’m communicating with right now. It can be hard to keep all of the names straight. OK, that’s lame. I’m just old and senile. And I wasn’t expecting the phone to ring and I was focused on something else.
So, here we get to the real point of today’s post. I was kind of an idiot on the phone. No, I didn’t admit to not knowing who he was. I stumbled for a second and then figured it out. But I was distracted and already a little annoyed with him about not having a plan for the date and so I just wasn’t focused on the call. I’m almost certain that I said a bunch of rambling, stupid, nonsensical shit. As soon as I go off the phone I kind of smacked myself on the head and thought, OMG, you are a moron.
Now, there are a bunch of folks out there (you know who you are) who believe that phone calls with prospective dates are akin to performances. That a person should have what amounts to a script all set and ready so that they always come off as brilliant and funny and fabulous. I don’t ascribe to that school (or any school) of dating. I’m not always brilliant and funny and fabulous. Moreso, I don’t want any man who is about to go out with me to expect a “show”. I like to be lowkey, sometimes. I have many moods and they all come out and show themselves over the course of a relationship. Further, I have come to be suspicious of men who are always “on”, always up, always positive. It’s a type that’s hurt me a few too many times in the past.
Now, you may be asking yourself, so what? You were an idiot on the phone last night – big deal! Why is it even postworthy? Well, here’s why. I am pretty good at dating. I’m not an expert, but I’m pretty good at it. And I still have nights when I make a complete ass of myself. When I leave a date and think, “I blew that” or hang up the phone and think, “I can’t believe I just said that”. I screw up all the time.
The more I date, the more I push myself to just try, the less I screw up. It’s like anything else, I’ve gotten better with practice. Better, not perfect.
I wanted to write about this today because at least once a week I get an email or DM on Twitter from someone telling me that they wish they could be like me. That they’re bad at dating. Or that they’re afraid of dating. That the last date they went on was so bad they’re afraid to try again. Well, sometimes, I’m bad at dating. I say stupid stuff or get inappropriately emotional or not emotional enough. It would take me all day to type the list of my sins. The fact is, I keep going, even though I make mistakes. And I keep going because I genuinely believe that I’d be less happy if I stopped.
Tags: expert, first date, Online dating, turn-on