Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Speaking of Drinking

It was a little over a year ago.  We’d met online (surprise, surprise) and had a pleasant enough first date – drinks at a pub.  It was an awkward situation, because I was fresh from a pretty gruesome break-up and he had clearly lied about his age (His profile said 50, which was 13 years older than me but still something I’m cool with.  After meeting and seeing him in person and chatting for a while I came to realize that he was probably closer to 55 or more likely 60 and that’s a range that kind of gives me the willies).  But it was a pleasant enough first date that was topped off by a surprisingly passionate goodnight kiss so when he asked me out for another date I said yes.

Our second date was nice enough.  Dinner at an overpriced but decent restaurant (his choice).  We had plenty to talk about and lots of laughs.  And lots to drink.  Lots and lots to drink.  Well, he did most of the drinking.

I was starting to think that maybe he and I could turn into something.  He texted and called pretty much every day and had all of the qualities I look for in a guy.  But it occured to me that on both our dates he’d had quite a bit to drink, which is really no big deal, in and of itself.  Except that I don’t drink that much anymore.  And I like to do a lot of things that don’t involve drinking.  And I don’t really want to be involved with a guy who needs to drink every night.

So I invited him to go kayaking with me for our next date.  See, I wanted to spend some time with him .  To see if we’d still have fun. Anyway, it rained the morning of our date and we had to come up with a rushed plan B.  Which we did.  We went to the instead.  Another free venue (at least until you hit the restaurant or cafe).  And guess what – we had NO FUN.  He was a total dud.  I had to completely carry on the conversation without him.  It was pretty much like pulling teeth to get him to say anything.

Which leads me to the moral of our story – I can’t date someone who drinks a lot.  Which is kind of weird because I drank quite a bit in my 20s.  But I don’t now.  And I find myself drinking more when I spend a lot of time with someone who does drink a lot.  And that’s really bad for my health (moreso than for the average person).

It’s one of those dozens of little things that make up my preferences and desires and dealbreakers.  I don’t state it outright in my online profile because I do enjoy a glass or two of vino or the occasional whiskey.  But at the same time I look for signs that a guy might be a serious drinker and if I see those signs I stay away.


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6 to “Speaking of Drinking”

  1. FitDarcie says:

    Exact opposite of me. I love boozers.

  2. CHFBrian says:

    I can be a bit of a boozehound from time to time, so I’ve been in situations where a girl I’m dating was a bit put off by it. I think it’s important to be interesting enough without a dirty martini, though. If you can’t carry on a conversation sober, something’s really wrong.

  3. recklessstudio says:

    I’ll have to agree with Brian here. There are two sides of it and if you know how to have fun on both sides, responsibly, then that’s a great thing. I personally don’t mind either way. As long as people are responsible.

    But I do agree with you: if alcohol is required to have a good time, it’s a definite red flag for me.

  4. starangel82 says:

    I drank a good bit in my early twenties, but I’ve tapered off a good bit in recent years. I still like to go out and knock a few back every now and then, but not like a used to. Once upon a time, it wouldn’t have bothered me to go out with a heavy drinker, but a very dear friend married an alcoholic. I didn’t see (or acknowledge) the signs until things blew up and she showed up on my doorstep one night with a suitcase, a black eye, and a busted lip. Fortunately, he’s gotten help and they are okay, but it taught me a lot about people and alcohol consumption.

    A glass of wine or beer with dinner on occasion is okay. Letting loose every now and then is okay so long as you are responsible about it. If you need booze to have a good time or you can consume a six-pack in under an hour on a daily basis, you are not the guy for me.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Dozens of dealbreakers??

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Hahaha. Well like everything else guys, it’s about personal preference. I wouldn’t expect anyone to adopt my preferences. That’d just be nutty.
    And yeah, anonymous, dozens. Some small, some big.