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Is Good Sex a Basic Human Need?

Last Wednesday, Twanna Hines had a great post on her blog, Funky Brown Chick. It was called, Is Good Sex a Basic Human Need?

I knew, just as soon as I read it, that I wanted to write something on the topic.  But the more I thought about it the less sure I was about what I wanted to write.  I mean, I know that is pretty damn important to me.  I consider a .  If the sex is no good then there’s no point in moving forward with a relationship (and this is not something I take lightly, just look at what happened with The Musician – I liked the guy but there was just no way).

But knowing that good sex is important to me is different than believing that it’s a basic human need.  It’s now been months since I’ve had good sex.  And, to be perfectly blunt, it’s been almost a year since I’ve had mind-blowing great sex.  Things with Mr. Potential were good, but they were never GREAT.  Anyway, my point is that I’m fine.  I could be better but I’m fine.

So, do I need good sex?  No, I don’t think so. I want it.  Absofuckinlutely.  But I don’t need it.  And so I guess I don’t think it’s a basic human need.  Not when compared with real essentials like food, water and shelter.

What about you – what do you think?  Is good sex a basic human need?

  • Yes. Good sex is a basic human need. (137 votes)
  • No. Good sex is not a basic human need. (63 votes)
  • SG – you really need to stop asking these lame questions. (19 votes)

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27 to “Is Good Sex a Basic Human Need?”


  1. starangel82 says:

    Thanks for the third choice… it made me giggle.

  2. jenmata says:

    I agree great/good sex is desirable, but not necessary to live or even to have a good relationship. Having said that I have been without sex for over 5 months now and that last time was good, not mind blowing but satisfying.
    I would LOVE to have awesome sex again soon, and it is important to me when thinking about a relationship. But for some reason I have found that most of the times (not always) I have had mind blowing sex I have been utterly in love with the guy, so I tend to think sex is much better when you really care about the other person and that care is mutual.

  3. derek7272 says:

    Actually, I feel like I had better sex with my last serious g/f after we broke up. (the sex continued for like a week or two). it was like i could be rougher with her or something.

  4. SINgleGIRL says:

    -starangel82
    Well, I do want to know. Should I just quit it? I guess not. :-)
    -jenmata
    I know that a lot of people feel that they can only have really great sex with someone they care about. For you it’s most of the time. For me the equation goes something like this – if I love someone the sex seems better than it otherwise might. So there are bonus points for love. But it doesn’t turn good to great. The last few times I had great sex was with men I most defintely did not have deeper feelings for.

  5. Twanna A. Hines says:

    Oooh, thanks for the shout out lady!! :)

    Good poll! For the record, I voted “no.” And, like starangel82, I giggled at option three. :)

    I TOTALLY think sex is a need, but GOOD sex — you know, that toe curling, makes-you-want-to-scream-so-loud-you-wake-the-neighbors stuff — is more of a pleasure than a physical need. :)

  6. starangel82 says:

    Personally I like the polls. You have enough readers to make them worth it.

    I guess I’ll comment on the sex part now. I agree with Twanna. Toe curling sex is a pleasure, not a need. But I think good sex is a need. I’ve been a relationship with bad sex. While I thought the guy was nice enough and bless his heart, he tried. I tried. But something was just missing for both of us in the bedroom. It eventually led to other problems outside the bedroom. I think when the sex is bad, it just starts a cycle of other problems. Sometimes the sex is good, but other problems start making sex bad which in turn makes the other problems worse. Personally, I think it all leads back to good sex is just a need. Humans need to be satisfied, feel loved, appreciated, and adored. Good sex provides all that.

  7. singlegirlie says:

    I think “good enough” sex would be the “need.” Of course, the definition of “good enough” differs for everyone. Bad sex can be worse than no sex. Mind-blowing sex is bonus, definitely desired, but I suppose not a need. I know I do get quite pissy and depressed if I go too long without satisfying sex though!

    If you want to get down to actual physiology, I’d suppose sex is more of a basic instinct than a “need.” I’m sure there are some people who never have sex their entire lives, but they still survive. Maybe not happily, maybe not sanely, but I don’t know that not having sex can actually kill someone. Although you never know…;)

  8. SuperGlideWayne says:

    I agree sex IS important. I’ve been married to a “good girl” going on three yes now. The sex has never been teeth itching great but..darn it to hell..I love her truly n I would never be such an SOB as to annilihate her sense of self worth as a women n remark on it. I guess plenty a times I just flirt slot to get “it” outta my system n I’ve come pretty close to burnin my fingers getting close to the fire but I never allow myself. Love sucks!LOL. I’m 41 so now I understand what “real” love is…n what isn’t. My advice for all u young ones out there is that just cause someone makes ur toes curl that doesn’t mean she/he will “hold you down” when Life kicks u in the ass. Think about it

  9. PiscesInPurple says:

    Got here late. Just voted. Glad to see there’s no longer a tie. :)

  10. PiscesInPurple says:

    PS – Did you see the ad Plenty of Fish has running on Facebook? It’s hilarious. Actually says that “you may as well join”. Underwhelming, that.

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Wow. 8 votes for no more polls. Still they’re in the minority.
    -Twanna,
    Welcome to the blog and thank you for writing that great post and getting the ball rolling on this topic. It seems that you and I are in the minority on this topic.
    -starangel82
    You just reminded me of a conversation we had a while back here on the blog. It went something like: when sex is good it can enhance a relationship, but a relationship can’t be based on good sex alone. But bad sex can destroy a relationship. Sound about right to you?
    -singlegirlie
    “good enough sex” – I love it. It reminds me of something I said about a relationship I was in. There was a man I was quite crazy about. A friend asked me how the sex was. My reply was that it wasn’t the best sex of my life but that I was crazy about the guy and that if it was the only sex I was getting for the rest of my life then it was good enough for that. And no, I don’t think anyone ever died from sexual deprivation. Lord, I hope not.
    -SuperGlideWayne
    Welcome to the blog. Yes. Just as I was saying before – great sex is great but not something to base a relationship on. Ah, if only life were that simple.
    -PiscesinPurple
    Me too, I HATE ties. And no, I don’t do Facebook. I just have constant issues with it. Underwhelming indeed, just like the site. LOL.

  12. starangel82 says:

    Sounds about right to me. Although I do think a relationship can’t be based only on sex, unless that the only intent of the relationship. Then sometimes those relationships work out quite nicely. :)

  13. SuperGlideWayne says:

    starangel u r right too. But in this day n age considering what’s floating around out there where would one go to find that “sexual” relationship that’s mutually exclusive?

  14. starangel82 says:

    People have f*ck buddies.

  15. SuperGlideWayne says:

    cool, Star. I appreciate that kinds honesty

  16. SINgleGIRL says:

    -starangel82 and SuperGlideWayne
    I’m with starangel on this one. F*ckbuddies are a good thing.

  17. starangel82 says:

    SINgleGIRL – Yes they are.

  18. GrimTheParrot says:

    definitely. Anyone who says it isn’t hasn’t had it.

  19. SuperGlideWayne says:

    especially when u can find someone who likes it rough n nasty

  20. ZJapan says:

    Yes, sex is a basic human need. So many people try to make it a bad thing or an overly serious spiritual thing but it is a basic need. And that is good because sex feels good. Or it should anyway! When we are denied sex for many of us it makes us unhappy. Sex is a perfectly decent and wonderful human need. Of course there are some obvious rules but mutual sex between adults is a wonderful part of the human experience.

  21. SecretNature13 says:

    Sex is a basic human need. Is good sex a “need”? You’re probably right. On the most logical level it’s NOT a need; however, without good sex we’re stressed and we’re crabby and we’re just not as hapy as when we have good sex. Like anything else it’s not the ONLY component of a happy life but it definitely plays a good part.

    It’s a deal breaker for me too – I’d rather not have sex then have bad sex b/c that’s just reminding you of the fact that it COULD be good and it SHOULD be good but it’s not.

    At least we can’t disappoint ourselves, right??!?!?!?!

  22. HANNAH's Health Blog says:

    I think many would disagree with me…

    Sex is not a basic human need. I have been single for six years and have not experienced sex for already three years, and I do not regret about it. because I know I should not be doing that with just someone.

    If you disagree with me, just let me know…

  23. HANNAH's Health Blog says:

    how could sex become a basic human need?

    Sex is designed by God Himself… Designed for two human beings conjoined by matrimony and not just for two people who feels the urgent need of pleasure agreed to fulfill the needs of each other. Sex is actually beautiful, let’s not misuse it….

  24. Asian girl says:

    I consider good sex not as need but just a spice in a relationship. And I think it depends on every individual if they think that sex is really a need and they cannot live without it in a relationship.

  25. ebertje says:

    I think good sex is a bonus to relationship, mindblowing sex is like a special present you weren’t expecting but so glad you got! Sex itself is important (although I think it’s importance probably diminishes as the relationship progresses?), I think it can really help to relieve the tension and bring two people closer together. My bf and I own a house together, we also both have a full time job and a part time job and we both generally work 60 to 70 hours a week. While in the beginning of our relationship (first 10 months or so) we’d have sex 4 to 7 times a week, now (with all the working) we’re lucky it we get it once a week. And the satisfaction level has gone down for the most part. It causes some tension, but every once in a while there will be one really great night, and that will just wash away all that tension. Great sex can be like magic to a relationship!

  26. iFlirt says:

    My professor said it is. I agreed :D

  27. sweat says:

    Sex is absolutely necessary for a loving couple. It draws us into deeper intimacy. If she needs further convincing, tell her that there is an area on a woman that’s only purpose is for pleasure (of course an evolutionist will argue that this is so that female humans will want to procreate.