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Random Thoughts on a Saturday Morning + a Song

I’m a pretty open person (the real me – not the blog me).  When I’m communicating with a new guy online, I always tell him, “ask me anything”.  As far as I’m concerned, there really are no topics in my life that are off limits (although, there are some that are unpleasant and others that are just plain tacky to ask about).

There is one question that I’d rather never be asked again:  “Why are you ?” Every time I’m asked it it just makes me angry and anxious.  I feel like I’m being put on the defensive.

Yesterday, I tripped over a couple of wonderful posts in response to this question.  It started with this in Jezebel. Yeah, I know I’m getting too old to read and yes they are frequently too catty and snarky and juvenile for me.  But then they post something like this. My favorite part is the end,

“Not everyone follows the same path, and not everyone gets to be with someone, and not everyone necessarily chose this. We’re all single for as many reasons as everyone else got married. Like anything else in life, there’s no simple answer.”

They were referring to a really wonderful post written my Lea Lane in the Huffington Post.  And from her we have, “I’m alone because I don’t want my heart broken again.” and  “I’m alone because life doesn’t always wind up the way you expect it to, and it wound up this way for me, and I roll with it.”  I love her whole list, actually.  You should take a minute and read it.

I don’t know how many of you know this, but Hypatia, one of the readers who comments sometimes on this blog has a really great blog of her own and it’s called, I Know Why You’re Single.  This morning seemed like the perfect time to give her a shout out.

Now for a slightly different topic, but not really. A long time ago, back when I was still on Blogspot and didn’t even know how to add links or music to my blog I wrote a post referencing one of my all time favorite songs.  The song is The Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Marianne Faithfull.  I listen to it every time I’m feeling a little bit too sorry for myself. Because, no matter what, no matter how stressed out I may be, no matter how uncertain  or lonely or just plain tired I can always come back to this song to remind myself that this is the life that I chose and that it’s actually been pretty damn cool.


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8 to “Random Thoughts on a Saturday Morning + a Song”


  1. Carl Grint says:

    Just wanted to say thank you for sharing the Marianne Faithfull track, great track, never heard it before, or to be fair anything of her work, but great introduction, I can see why you enjoy it so much.

    I hope you have a great week-end.

    PS. try not to let those small of mind get you down, if we where all the same, living the same lives, how boring would this life be. :o)

  2. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Carl Grint
    Welcome to the blog and thank you. I always try to live life by my own terms and my own rules, but of course there are days when that isn’t quite so easy. :-) And yes, boring indeed.

  3. queenie_nyc says:

    Did you hear Marianne Faithfull on Fresh Air last week? She had a very cool conversation with Terri Gross…

  4. queenie_nyc says:

    Also – thank you for this post. I also loved Lea Lane’s post, and I also hate the “why are you still single?” question.

    Some people seem to think that married-with-children is the default setting for all of humanity, and that those of us who don’t have those things must either have something wrong with us or feel perpetually thwarted, when, in fact, neither is the case.

    By “some people,” of course, I mean “my grandmother,” who told me over Christmas that “all the good ones are taken.” I’m 29.

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    -queen_nyc
    Damn, I missed it. But now that you’ve told me about it I can go download the podcast. It irks me to no end to know that women a decade younger than me are still dealing with this nonsense. I thought it would be so much easier for younger women and I know in some ways it is (it was your grandmother and not your mother). But it’s still not fair. I’d bet everything I own that most married woman I know would trade my memories for theirs.

  6. queenie_nyc says:

    I am VERY lucky in the mom department – she was single most of her life (she and my dad divorced in the ’80′s, and she only just remarried a couple of years ago), so she knows the deal. She’s almost aggressively protective of my single status – I think she’s very proud of my independence.

    Actually, when my grandmother made that comment, the three of us were sitting at the kitchen table having cocktails. I looked my grandmother right in the eye and told her that I was waiting for round two (i.e., for the inevitable parade of divorces coming down the pike). My mother spit her wine out she was laughing so hard. It was pretty awesome.

  7. Hypatia says:

    Thanks for the shout out! And yes, that is a question I’d love never to be asked again! (Especially from men! My family members? Ugh, that’s painful…. but from men? From SINGLE STRAIGHT MEN I’m Friends with??? Who say this with a tone of, “I just don’t understand why a great girl like you is single???”…. Um, DUDES. Just don’t.)

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    -queenie_nyc
    I would’ve loved to be sitting there and to see your mom’s reaction. It’s sad but true, though. A big chunk of those folks you know who got married in their 20s – divorced in their 30s (at least that’s what it was like for me/the people I knew). Hence all of the guys I date tend to be divorced.
    -Hypatia
    My pleasure. This is one of those areas where I think they just don’t get it. Scary.