Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Dating – Your Path to Salvation

I stayed up last night to watch President Obama on Leno.  It was probably the first time I watched The Tonight Show in 5 or 6 years.  I really don’t like Leno.  But I wanted to see Obama and so I made myself stay up and watch  (even though I really wasn’t feeling well and should have gone to bed early).

I figured I might feel a little better about the world if I watched.  And amazingly, I did.  Obama is good with political theater, and I’m thankful for that.  Our world is a seriously messed up place right now and it’s going to take a long time for any of the big problems to get fixed.  For now, all any of us can really hope for is to have someone pat us on the back every once in a while and tell us that it’s all going to be OK.  Which was what last night seemed to be about, I think.

Anyway, our world is a mess with no hope of getting better anytime in the near future.  And we all have our individual ways of coping.  Some people seem to be in denial and are just continuing on with their lives as if nothing has changed.  Others are clearly in the anger stage, constantly ranting and raving about how stupid and greedy everyone is.  Many have turned to their religion for guidance, and still others have adopted a cultish zeal for everything green and local.  And then there are the ones who’ve turned to as their own personal path to salvation.

No, I’m not joking.  Dating has become, in these tough times, one of the new ways forward.  Many people have decided, it seems, that the best way for them to deal with the current uncertainty is to date and possibly mate.

I’ve been reading for months about the record profits at services and about what they might mean.  And then today there was this in the Daily Dish. This dating coach is bragging about his own success and a roster of male clients who are desperate to meet women.  He asserts that “the loss of financial security drives them to seek emotional security.”

I don’t doubt that he’s busy.  It makes complete sense to me that single people, both men and women, are putting new energy into their searches for partners.  I’m just not so sure it’s as deep as seeking “emotional security”.   I’m guessing that a lot of these people are now finding that they can no longer hide behind, “being too busy at work” or “being focused on their careers”.  That in many cases those excuses have gone away, either because the jobs have gone away or because the intensity of the work has diminished (I know for a fact that there are some high paid lawyers sitting in their fancy offices in NYC with nothing to do).   So what does a 30+ or 40+ year old professional do when they are no longer working most of their waking hours and they find themselves single and alone?  They focus their attention on dating.


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8 to “Dating – Your Path to Salvation”


  1. starangel82 says:

    I stayed up and watched Leno last night too. He did nothing to sway my opinion of the situation or make me hopeful about the world in general. Unfortunately. I did like his answer to the dog question.

    Actually, it makes sense. Emotional security is hard to come by in these times. For some singles, dating is the answer oddly enough.

  2. tiaramh says:

    It makes total sense to me that people would be searching for a mate in these rough times. They want to be comforted by someone who cares for them. And whereas you might have been able to go out on weekenights and hang at clubs or bars in the past, people are now spending more time at home….and no one wants to be home alone.

  3. PiscesInPurple says:

    I’ve saw an article a while back about how when people suddenly have less disposable income, they turn to sex for entertainment. Makes sense to me.

  4. derek7272 says:

    Off-topic, but I saw this story on yahoo about how romantic love doesn’t necessarily fade and thought of an older post of yours … http://sn.im/e8ov7 . hope you are feeling better.

  5. PiscesInPurple says:

    That’s a really nice link, Derek. Thanks for sharing.

  6. jenmata says:

    Amen to that! Maybe we will all start reevaluating our priorities and start focusing on what is truly important in the long run.

  7. Hypatia says:

    I think it probably also has a lot to do with people realizing that work doesn’t define them? Or if what they thought defined them disappears, what do they have left?

    Also– and given that my position was recently eliminated (no worries, I was offered another job)– I know that one of my first thoughts was, “If I wasn’t single, this wouldn’t be so scary.” Because having someone else to fall back on? A second income? Emotional support? Someone else to get up in the morning for? Those are all good reasons to be with someone in this economy. And then there’s the added bonus of 1/2 the rent/mortgage payment responsibility, 1/2 the electric bill, 1/2 the heat.. etc, etc. Singles get rather screwed over on that deal. Well, all those reasons AND the fun stuff. :-p

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    -starangel82
    It’s like everything else, I guess. I stayed up thinking he’d make me feel better and so he did. Expectations predict experience – for me, at least. And that, perhaps, explains so much of my messed up dating life. Argh.
    -tiaramh
    It’s true, people are spending more time at home and most people don’t want to be home alone. But then there is this huge investment of time (and going out) to meet someone. It’s almost as if a single person has to go out a lot so that they can meet someone so that they can stay home more.
    -PiscesinPurple
    I think I read that too. But then last night I was watching 20/20 (why, I really don’t know) and they said that the profits in the porn industry are down. So I guess folks are going back to old-fashioned values? They want real sex with real people?
    -derek7272
    Thank you, getting better, yes. And thanks for the link. Someone tweeted that yesterday but I forgot to fave it. I will link to it in a post today so that people who don’t read the comments can see it.
    -jenmata
    Well, yes. People are certainly reevaluating. As to what’s really important? I think different people are coming up with different answers and probably always will.
    -Hypatia
    People not being defined by work anymore is a big thing, I think. Honestly, and I don’t say this to be mean, there are some people who are not really all that into the emotional and spiritual side of life. I was one of them, briefly. All I did was work, for a few years. I barely saw by friends and family, barely dated, barely slept. My work was EVERYTHING.

    And yes, we singles are rather screwed. So many times I have thought about how much easier it would be to have someone to share the burden. My home is big enough for 2 people and yet I pay all of the expense myself (my choice, but…).

    And I am so glad to hear you were offered another job. Things are very scary right now.