OK. I admit it. I’m guilty. I occasionally read the wedding announcements in the Sunday NYTimes. I don’t read them every week. And even when I do read them I don’t obsess over the little details like where people got married or how they met. I’m one of those sad, pathetic older women who looks to see how old they all are. And yeah, I don’t like it when all of the brides are younger than me.
But not every week.
Anyway, I took a peek at them this past Sunday and this story caught my eye. The woman was in her late 20s and wasn’t meeting any decent guys so her friends talked her into joining match.com. She got a message from a man in his late 30s and while she was put off by the age difference she liked his profile and so they met and started dating. They fell for each other. And then, after they’d been together for a short while she finds out that he’s really 10 years older than he’d said (so he is 20 years older than her, and she was initially hesitant about dating someone 10 years older). She decided to forgive him the lie and now a couple years later they are featured in the Vows column of the NYTimes.
I really don’t know how I feel about this. He lied. Flat out lied. He needed to lie to get what he wanted and so he lied. I know lots of people lie about their ages in their profiles. It’s actually something I can live with if it’s only a few years – I’ve written about that before. But 10 years is not a small lie. It’s a whopper.
But she adored him and so she forgave him. It’s a pattern I’ve lived through many times myself, so I understand it. But it’s not a great way to start a life together (one person lies to get what they want, the other forgives).
And I guess that’s what got under my skin more than anything else. The way the piece was written made it seem like everything worked out for the best. And, well, maybe it did. Maybe they will live happily ever after.
But I don’t know. I don’t know if I could have done it. If it were me in her shoes, I don’t know if I could’ve just forgiven him that whopper of a lie. What about you? What would you have done in her shoes?
- She did the right thing. She forgave the man she loved. (9 votes)
- She should have dumped him. Once a liar, always a liar. (24 votes)
- It’s impossible to know. I might forgive someone if I really felt they were sorry and it was a one time thing. (46 votes)
Tags: age, liar, Match, nytimes, Online dating, online dating profiles, wedding