Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Just Another Bad Date

Here are the details of last night’s date.  Maybe it will seem less silly in bullet format:

  • It was a with the guy from last week.  The date that was completely meh.
  • He works in the arts and I finally got around to clicking on the link he sent me.  I was so not impressed.  So really NOT.
  • He asked me if I liked Indian food.  I replied that I do, I love it.  He then selected a restaurant not too far from where I live, which is either sweet or hopeful – maybe both.  Except he picked the absolute worst Indian restaurant within a two mile radius of my apartment.  I didn’t say anything about that thinking that maybe he liked the place.
  • I was running a few minutes behind schedule for the date.  I got a text from him when I was a couple blocks away saying that the restaurant was closed (I wasn’t surprised, as it was so bad!).
  • We met up and I asked him if he had anyplace else he’d like to go.  He said he couldn’t think of anything and asked me to direct us to something.  I asked him if he had his heart set on Indian or if something else would work as there really weren’t any good Indian places within 10-15 blocks of where we were standing but if he really wanted Indian there were adequate to OK options available (I also mentioned that there were MANY good restaurants around, just not Indian).  His reply, let’s go to another Indian restaurant.  Now I like Indian food, I do.  But I just told the guy that there were no good Indian restaurants near where we were.
  • He then sat there all through the meal and pretty much left it up to me to carry the conversation.  I felt like I was there to entertain him.   He just sat and stared, only chiming in when I asked direct questions.
  • And then, at the end of our very mediocre dinner, he asked me if he could see me again.  Which is usually somethng I like, if the date is going well (no wishy washy, we should do this again but, “let’s get together Thursday”).  But in this case it was just awkward and strange.  I couldn’t believe he thought the date was going well enough to ask me out again.   I told him I was unsure of my schedule and that I’d get back to him (lame, I know, I just couldn’t say it to his face).

So today when he emailed me to say, again, how much fun he’d had and that he really wanted to get together on Thursday I waited a few hours and then sent a polite but firm ‘no thank you’ email.

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10 to “Just Another Bad Date”

  1. lacy e. says:

    this has happened to me- multiple (LOTS!) of times. i almost think that men think that if YOU carry the conversation and make the decisions we could never be unhappy because we created it all. and perspectives on a good date to one person and a good date to another are so… never on the same page. i guess it’s just gender difference?

    but i enjoy the blog!

  2. FitDarcie says:

    I agree about the scheduling of the dates immediately after the first one. If I like the guy, it’s awesome, if I don’t, it’s awkward. On the first date, I shouldn’t have to dump the guy.

  3. jenmata says:

    I thought telling a guy straight to his face I didn’t want to see him again was something I could never do. Who would have thought now I actually prefer it to have to over think how I will let him down gently via text/email the following day? I’ve only done it a few times, and only when he asks if I want to see him again, and usually it’s on the first date. It’s very refreshing, I think, to just look him in the eye and say straight out “I don’t think so. Thanks, but no thanks.” smile and be on your merry way. I’ve found this is the best way to end a disastrous first date.

  4. A British Guy says:

    Whoa! That date was awful. FYI — Lacy e.: Tis certainly not a gender difference — it has also been known to work vice versa you know — and on more than one occasion.

  5. Cult Diva says:

    Do you ever have a happy date? I guess not, or you wouldn’t have anything to blog about. I read these posts and I’m always amazed how ungrateful you are for any experience. Perhaps thats why you are still single. Blog about that.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -lacy e,
    Thank sweetie. I don’t know if it’s gender or if it’s just different types of people but I know that I can’t deal with that. I really did feel like I was the “show” for the evening.
    I’m glad to hear it’s not just me. I really do love it when guys do that after good dates.
    Interesting. I’ve done that, after first dates. This was a second date and I guess I felt especially worn down. Or maybe I’m just getting soft in my old age. I think it’s great that you can be so direct.
    -A British Guy.
    Awful? No. Not particularly awful. Just not good. I save ‘awful’ for the real disasters.
    -Cult DIva
    I can think of several happy dates that Ive blogged about in detail in the not too distant past (1st and 2nds with the Musician, the Grown Up and others) but then, I don’t really think you care about that. That’s not your point. You seem to think I should be “grateful” for the experience of getting to go out on all of these dates. Well I’m not. I am grateful for many things in my life but that’s not one of them. I work damn hard and quite frankly have a shitload of responsibilities. I leave most of my life out of this blog because this isn’t a “me” blog – it’s a my dating life blog. But I have to make time and sacrifice, yes sacrifice, other things to be able to date. I don’t do it because of the blog. I do it because I am seeking a life partner. And I get to be ‘not grateful’ when those dates turn into a waste of my very precious time. There are many reasons I’m still single but not being grateful for the opportunity to eat bad Indian food with a man who doesn’t attempt to carry on a conversation with me on one of my rare free nights is not one of them. And by the way, you can stop reading at any time. I don’t need judgmental readers.

  7. Veka says:

    I would just like to say… SingleGirl, you rock. Keep doing what you’re doing.

  8. RVASarah says:

    Right on! Talk about a reader with a chip on her shoulder. I enjoy hearing about your good, bad, and ugly dates because that’s how the dating world is. You have to weed out the ones that you don’t mesh with before you get to the good shit. That sounded weird. 😛

  9. reachingmydreams says:

    Ha- I hate men like that. They’re so boring that they think that anyone who has a pulse is the best thing on earth. The only time I ever got interesting conversation out of a guy like that was when I discovered we both knew the same crazy-chick and he told me his experience with her.

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    -Veka and RVASarah,
    Thanks guys. All I can do is write the truth as it happens. And sometimes I have a streak of bad dates. *sigh* I wish I had less of them but as any singlegirl knows, there are a lot of frogs out there.
    Welcome to the blog. Funny that you mention that. I think the reason I liked him at first (when we first talked on the phone) was that we realized we had a place in a common. A random city we love (not NYC). And we talked about that for a while. But after we both said everything we could about that, he had nothing else to say. Yikes.