Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Not Good Enough For You

There’s this stat that’s been floating around for the last few weeks – 1 in every 8 couples who got married last year met online.  I’ve seen it a few times.  I don’t know who did the or if it’s legit.  I tried googling it and couldn’t come up with a source.  Anyway, it seems like it could be true as just about every single person over the age of 22 has tried .

So lots and lots of people are meeting online.  It’s so mainstream it’s ridiculous.  Sure, there used to be a stigma attached to it (although I completely ignored it when there was and went ahead and did it anyway) but not anymore.

One of the posts on today’s Dear Sugar page was from a woman who was ashamed of having met her boyfriend online.  She adores him but doesn’t want to admit to her family that she met him on an online dating site.  At first I kind of snorted because I thought it was just ridiculous.  I mean, hello, 1 out of every 8 couples who were married in the US last year met online (if that stat is true).  But it’s not good enough for you?  The girl should get over it.

Then I remembered that it wasn’t that long ago that I dated someone who insisted we lie about how we met.  I was pretty shocked, but so crazy for him that I did it anyway.  I told my friends the .  But his friends were fed a pretty blatant lie about how we were introduced by a mutual friend (we ran in such completely different circles that it just wasn’t likely).  When I asked him why we had to tell his friends the lie he said that he didn’t want them thinking he needed to look online for dates.

Ahem. He didn’t need to.  He was too good for that.

That relationship didn’t go so well.  And, yeah, I should’ve taken that conversation as a sign.

This is now something that is firmly on my list.  I will not under any circumstances date anyone who will not admit to his friends and/or family that we met online.  Not negotiable.

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10 to “Not Good Enough For You”

  1. starangel82 says:

    I know what you mean. I have dated several guys that I met online who didn’t want anyone to know they’d met me online. Like you, I guess they were ashamed or something that they were dating online. Whatever. If you can’t admit how we met, then what else can’t you admit to?

  2. iamalejandra says:

    I don’t have any problem admitting to my friends that I met someone online. It’s my family that I have issues with. They just simply don’t understand online dating and the only thing they care to read about is “online predators / pedophiles / freaks”. I have only met one guy online before, we dated for almost 2 years, and I lied to my family about how we met until they got to know him and his family and realized that he was not an online rapist or murderer.

  3. Lindsaysmom1220 says:

    I havent really had a relationship that started online survive very long. I dont blame that on the fact that we met online, I think its because I am attracted to D-Bags. I know of at least 2 women that are very close to me that met their husbands online. One on eHarmony and the other on MySpace. They are two of the most healthy happy relationships I have ever seen…Yea theres creeps out there but you know what, there’s creep everywhere! Its all about doing it safely!

  4. Hypatia says:

    I agree with iamalejandra. I don’t have an issue with my friends knowing, but family? Meh.

    Though, fwiw… This evening Science Guy and I went out with a bunch of my friends. We met on eharmony, but now we’re “just fiends” and I told most of my friends that we met at a bar. Not “technically” untrue, because we did meet up for the first time there— but no point in bringing it up, esp. now that we’re not dating. It just adds a layer of questions and speculation.

  5. Veka says:

    My most recent ex and I met on myspace. And my cousin who is also in her early 20’s met her current boyfriend online… but I think it was some sort of pen-pal site and not really a “dating” site. Either way, she and I both struggled with “telling the family” because it just sounds weird saying, “By the way, we met on myspace” because of the aforementioned stigma of stalker/rapist etc. IMO, I think each situation is different, but I suggest telling the family when the time is right.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    That’s my attitude. I place a pretty high value on truth and the ability to face it and share it. Which is funny as there are things I keep private, here on the blog. But keeping things private and lying are different, I think.
    That seems reasonable to me, although if that’s what you needed to do to feel comfortable. I wonder, if you met someone else online to you feel like you could be more open about it. I first mentioned to my family that I met a current bf online years ago (and they did look at me funny but I stared them down)and now I’m very matter a fact about it.
    Again, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. And if you want your friends to know Science Guy as just a friend then… I just know that I want my next s/o to be comfortable with truth telling – all of the time. Even when it’s awkward.
    I’m not telling anyone what they SHOULD do. I’m saying what I’m comfortable with and what I’m not cool with. And I’m not cool with being with a guy who can’t say to the people he cares about, “we met online”. If 1 in every 8 couples who got married last year met online then clearly it’s mainstream and not something to be ashamed about. And seriously, I think most people hide it is because they are ashamed (even if they don’t admit it).

  7. iamalejandra says:

    I would be open with my family right away about online dating if Oprah and 20/20 would stop making shows about how terrible it is. You hardly ever see on TV the good side of it. I mean, I’ve met more creeps in bars AND through friends than online. But my family doesn’t see it that way. For crying out loud, they’re afraid of webcams!!

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    I have to admit to being completely ignorant of what they say about online predators on TV, but like I said, my family did give me a hard time the first time I mentioned it and I just stared them down. There are SO many things I do that make them uncomfortable (living by myself in the city, travelling alone in “scary” countries…). It’s my choice to be honest and tell them that they need to trust my judgment. It works for me, I’m not saying others should do it. Only the men who want to date me.

  9. Honey (and Lance) says:

    The BF and I met on myspace….I dated online for years and never hid it, though like you I met one guy who insisted we lie to his friends/family. Yeah, I should have taken that as a clue, too, though in the end it only lasted 2 months so that’s fine. The BF and I LOVE to tell the story of how we met:

    Though I don’t think my dad would understand what MySpace was even if I tried to explain…the only thing he’s ever said to me is, “I trust your judgment” and “he’s a nice young man.” So that’s been that.

  10. SINgleGIRL says:

    Welcome and thanks so much for sharing your story. I like hearing about couples who met online AND who are open about it. It helps normalize the whole thing (not that it should need normalizing – it is normal).