Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Statement Date

There comes a time in most romantic relationships when a guy wants to show his gal that he means business.  That he likes her.  Really, really likes her.  And for this he’s going to want to plan a statement date.

What’s a statement date?  Well, there are certain places, certain  that have a special shine to them.  A special, pre-approved, everyone has agreed that this is a big deal glow.

For years now, the number one restaurant in for statement dates has been One If By Land, Two If By Sea.  It’s on every single survey as the most romantic restaurant in the city.  And, well, it’s perfectly nice.  It is very romanctic.  The food is fine (if you eat out often it will not be the best meal you’ve had all year, or maybe even all month but it may well be the most expensive one).  But the fact that you’re there means something.  Because it is the most romantic restaurant in NYC, according to every single magazine, etc.  And if you’re dating and your guy makes reservations for dinner there then he’s probably telling you something.  Something big.  Or maybe he wants something from you and assumes that whatever it is, that would seal the deal.

There are lots of possibilities for statement dates.  Lots of great romantic restaurants.  Lots of ways to show how you feel.  It could be as simple as calling a few hours before a date and saying, “Hey, Let’s get dressed up tonight.  I made us reservations at someplace I think you’ll like.”  And then going someplace you’ve never been before.  It doesn’t have to be the most romantic restaurant in town, maybe just someplace a little nicer than the places you usually go.

The Statement Date.  It’s just a little way to communicate something big.


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22 to “The Statement Date”


  1. Fit Darcie says:

    I used to date a guy who took me to all the nice restaurants…blew a fortune on me. I was convinced that he was “making a statement”. Truth was that his ex frequented these places and he was hoping she would catch him with me at one of these places. He dumped me via voicemail telling me so.

  2. recklessstudio says:

    I guess when you think about it, there are certain things that men do to “make a statement.” Just something a little extra is supposed to communicate this next level that they are looking for.

    But you’re right. Statement Dates are ways to communicate something big.

    So, do you always know when you are going on a Statement Date? Do YOU actually set up Statement Dates? And when you know this, what is your mindset going into it?

  3. recklessstudio says:

    By the way, the type of Statement Dates I create for someone will never have to do with how much money I spend on someone. It will always be based on the amount of thought I put into it. At that point, I can only hope I know enough about her to put enough thought into the date that will blow her away.

  4. queenie_nyc says:

    If a man takes me to 1IBL, 2IBS, it tells me he doesn’t know me at all. I would rather die than pay for mediocre, over-priced food just because it’s served in a romantic setting.

    That said, if he takes me to Eleven Madison Park, he’s a keeper.

  5. SINgleGIRL says:

    -FitDarcie
    That’s a crappy way to get dumped. I can imagine it didn’t feel good. The concept of the statement date isn’t so much about the spending of money but making a special evening. But sure, it’s super easy to misinterpret someone’s intentions.
    -recklessstudio
    I do indeed set up my own statement dates, though those tend to be of a different sort altogether. More intimate. And no, I will not give details here. :-) In regards to your second comment, I think a man who knows me well would know know that One If by Land… is not the best place to take me if he really wanted to make a statement. I love food. One if by Land is not really a foodie choice. Which is not to say I haven’t appreciated the gesture wholeheartedly when taken there.

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    -queenic_nyc,
    You wouldn’t cut a guy some slack? Maybe he just thought, ‘I wanna impress her’ and then went online and looked up most romantic restaurant in NYC. I’m sure that most of them don’t know that the food isn’t that great. They just know that they’re trying to make a “wow” impression. I mean, I’m with you, I’d rather have the great food. But I give the guy the credit for trying.

  7. derek7272 says:

    Do guys really think along these lines? I sure don’t. Of course if you are dating someone you’re into, you’d want to occassionally go with them to places a little fancier than your usual haunts. But I’d never think of it in terms of making a statement. There are many better and more creative (and cheaper) ways of letting someone know you’re into them, like, um, talking? Being attentive? Serving as a cheerleader at their soccer game, or bringing them breakfast when they have a busy workweek.

    And if I thought I’d need to take a girl to One if By Land, Two if By Sea to get something for her and “seal the deal”, she’s certainly not the girl for me…

  8. SINgleGIRL says:

    -derek7272
    Do guys really think like that? Surely some do, the place is packed nightly and while some of the couples are there for their anniversary, birthdays, etc there are plenty there on dates. Am I recommending it. No (though I guess I wasn’t clear on that). I am pointing out that sometimes it’s not that hard to show somehow how you feel. It doesn’t really take all that much in terms of creativity or thought, even. I’d prefer something more creative and less expensive, but I’m not picky.

  9. bobbyjensen says:

    This is new info for me, thanks SG!

  10. derek7272 says:

    Yeah, but the reason guys (IMHO as a guy) take ladies to expensive restaurants and the like is to impress them, because they have money to burn, just really enjoy fine dining, or are trying to apologize after some faux pas.

    I don’t really think most guys sit around wondering how we can best communicate our feelings (or plan dates to do so). That is how the other gender thinks.

    Don’t get me wrong: I’ve wooed girls before. But there your intention is not communication but, well, seduction, although I mean that word in a broader sense than the simply sexual.

  11. SINgleGIRL says:

    -derek7272
    You and I are not talking about the same thing here, but whatever. Yes, guys will take women out to expensive restaurants to impress them, or to apologize or because they can afford it so why the hell not eat great food every night. Absolutely. As someone who’s been taken out to dozens (hundreds?) of expensive restaurants by dozens of men I can tell you that there is something fundamentally different about a regular night out at a very nice, very expensive restaurant and a “special” nice out. They feel different. And that’s not because of the location, but it can be.

    Perhaps I’m communicating this wrong. Who knows. It doesn’t really matter. You say it’s just bullshit and so fine. It’s bullshit to you. I’m certainly not suggesting you change your behaviour in any way.

  12. derek7272 says:

    This is how I let my last serious g/f know I was serious about her: I asked her to be my g/f relatively early on (I wanted to be the one to broach exclusivity); met her mother also early-on when she happened to be in town; told her I loved her; and later still asked her to move in with me. I certainly didn’t take her to a RESTAURANT (or plan any other date) in an attempt to communicate how serious/committed I was or to try to make some sort of statement.
    Of course I did sweet/romantic things for/with her, like cheering at her soccer game, giving her small presents and going on out-of-town trips. But that just b/c I enjoyed her company and making her happy, not because I was trying to communicate anything about my feelings.
    Just say no to overpriced resataurants guys!

  13. derek7272 says:

    Oops, I posted the above comment before seeing your one above. Maybe it is just an age thing — maybe 40-50 yo guys dating younger women feel like they should take a girl to a fancy restaurant to show they are serious? I’ve never felt that way, however. And would rather spend money on alcohol than food — a nice bottle of wine at a wine bar or cocktails…

  14. bobbyjensen says:

    I may be mistaken (it’s not uncommon), but I have understood the meaning of the post to be more about special intent as opposed to high priced fancy schmancy.

  15. SINgleGIRL says:

    -bobbyjensen
    Thank you, as always you look for the good. Yes. I was talking about the intent. But also about the power of making that kind of special effort (whether it be at the “most romantic restaurant in town” or making a home cooked meal with candle light or fancy picnic or whatever). That sometimes actions can be very powerful. Of course, these things can be misinterpreted to. Sometimes a candlelight dinner just means, I want to get into your pants. But that’s not what I was writing about today.

  16. jenmata says:

    Hmmm, this debate seems to be getting heated and I seem to be late for it, hopefully fashionably late and not just plain rude ; )

    I think I’ve had both experiences. I have gone out to fancy places with guys with whom I was in a long term relationship to celebrate special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, accomplishments, etc) or because we wanted to check it out, and in those cases it went both ways. Meaning sometimes I was invited by them, and others I did the planning and the inviting to celebrate them. But I’ve also gone out with the guy (and maybe this is NYC thing) whom I felt wanted to impress me somehow by spending tons on dinner (which I sometimes find difficult to understand) in the hopes I liked him more, or (and I’ve found this to be the case more often than not) to let me know he could afford it, making him a good prospect. In these cases I’m sure it was because the guy really liked me and was making an extra effort to assure I would like him too, besides liking the food and enjoying the whole experience of the place. Unfortunately for him though, I’m not really impressed by money or what the person is able to acquire material wise, although I have enjoyed the meals and the nice ambiance for sure.

  17. jenmata says:

    Hmmm, this debate seems to be getting heated and I seem to be late for it, hopefully fashionably late and not just plain rude ; )

    I think I’ve had both experiences. I have gone out to fancy places with guys with whom I was in a long term relationship to celebrate special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, accomplishments, etc) or because we wanted to check it out, and in those cases it went both ways. Meaning sometimes I was invited by them, and others I did the planning and the inviting to celebrate them. But I’ve also gone out with the guy (and maybe this is NYC thing) whom I felt wanted to impress me somehow by spending tons on dinner (which I sometimes find difficult to understand) in the hopes I liked him more, or (and I’ve found this to be the case more often than not) to let me know he could afford it, making him a good prospect. In these cases I’m sure it was because the guy really liked me and was making an extra effort to assure I would like him too, besides liking the food and enjoying the whole experience of the place. Unfortunately for him though, I’m not really impressed by money or what the person is able to acquire material wise, although I have enjoyed the meals and the nice ambiance for sure.

  18. jenmata says:

    Sorry about the double posting. I had problems logging on… seemed to have forgotten my password ; (

  19. derek7272 says:

    Yeah, I’ve cooked candlelight dinners for girls … I’m in favor of making an effort. I’m just saying that, at least in my case, my intent in making a girl dinner wasn’t about letting a girl know *I* liked *her*, but getting *her* to like *me*. Maybe I’m splitting hairs but I think there is an impt. distinction there.

  20. SINgleGIRL says:

    -jenmata,
    It’s never too late to post a comment here (I’m still replying to comments from posts from last week). As to heated, good lord, I can’t imagine something I write about here inspiring a heated conversation. I do think that when I write about my experience there are people who assume I am saying – “this is right – you should behave this way” when in fact I go out of my way, repeatedly, to point out that I am not an expert or an advice giver by trade. When I do give advice it tends to be innocuous and fairly simple (for example – how to complement a girl). The purpose of my post today, if there was something near a purpose, was to point out that in my experience there is such a thing as a statement date. And it has nothing to do with the money spent. I’m not impressed by money (again, I’ve written about that a lot). I am impressed when a guy seems to be trying to make an extra effort. For whatever reason.
    -derek7272
    Yeah, I think you’re splitting hairs. But like I said, whatever works for you, works for you.

  21. queenie_nyc says:

    @SINgleGIRL Hmmmm…I probably would cut the guy some slack. I’m not THAT cold. But I guess I feel like if we’ve made it to the “statement date” level, he knows enough about me to know what I like and don’t like – if we’re talking a month in, no biggie. Any further along than that, and I’d be all, “are you even listening to me?”

    Note: I am a foodblogger, and more than mildly obsessed. So it wouldn’t be out of the blue. :-)

  22. SINgleGIRL says:

    -queenie_nyc
    That TOTALLY makes sense. I’ve been trying to work with a piece of advice that a male friend gave me not too long ago – “remember, guys are really stupid”. He said it to be helpful. He thought I was overthinking men’s actions and their motivations (which I totally do, sometimes). And so if a guy shows an effort I give him points for effort (so reservations at 1IBL, 2IBS when it’s not Valentines Day or my birthday or an anniversary are usually an example of some desire to demonstrate something). Though not as many points as he would’ve gotten if he’d have hit the target. I’m still waiting for my night at Per Se.